A true high-quality intimate relationship can only be established after misunderstanding, injury, forgiveness and repair. Any intimate relationship, as long as you are close to a point, will certainly have harm, if the injury can be repaired, the relationship will be closer than the one who came first. The relationship without injury and repair is not deep enough, and a relatively superficial relationship.
When we have some misunderstanding and hurt to people close to us, we should not judge him or dismiss him in our heart immediately. We should use a mature way to get hurt somewhere. What do you want him to do to meet your needs. If he hears you, you earn a close relationship, and your relationship is better than before, And I will say that I have made a lot of mistakes. I don’t know when I did something that makes you feel uncomfortable. If there is such a thing, please tell me that there is one such thing now. In order not to destroy our relationship, I will tell you that this matter has caused me unhappiness. My purpose is to repair our relationship, This is the middle of an interpersonal relationship. You must go through something to get deeper. Therefore, each of us must learn to tell each other. When the other party hurts us, we must have a good way to tell each other. But sometimes, unconsciously we hurt others, we also need to go to others to seek forgiveness, because sometimes we have made mistakes, and we are not forgiven. We have no reason not to forgive others because we get a lot of love, so there is no reason not to love others.
“Can you forgive someone and still be hurt”
The breakdown of that intimate relationship is usually because the injury and anger are not solved. The anger accumulates to cause rigidity and alienation between the two people. The best way to solve the injury and anger is to forgive. Forgiveness is to give up the right to hurt and retaliate when you are injured. We usually have the right to hurt you after I have been hurt, but because I love you, I would give up the right to hurt you, that is to forgive.
Why do people like to stay in anger and can’t forgive? Because of the hate, not forgive let us feel superior; When I focus on the other’s mistakes, I don’t need to look at some of my own shortcomings, and I don’t have to face some of my own problems. So, I can focus on you to improve, I don’t have to improve myself, this is a human nature easier to do, focus on the other side of the mistakes, we do not need to face the problems we do not want to face.
“Can you forgive someone and still be hurt”
Another reason that we can’t forgive is that when we play the role of victims, we can get sympathy on the one hand; On other hand, it’s a very addictive role to feel that you have the right to hurt each other and therefore get a lot of psychological benefits. Many people like to be victims. In fact, the victim seems to be a very weak role, but it is also a very strong role because I think I am a victim, I have the right to hurt you.
I think it’s an interesting idea. I think I can hurt you if I get hurt. I should be right because you hurt me first. Therefore, hatred and hate are unhealthy phenomena in the state of a victim. Hate can bring hate, love can cure hate. To love and physical and mental health, we must walk out of the role of victims, when a person constantly plays the role of the victim, and does not establish a healthy boundary for himself to strive for his reasonable rights and interests, Unconsciously indulge, even encourage others to play the role of bad people or persecutors, but inadvertently hurt the intimate relationship, what do I mean? I mean, healthy love needs two kinds of love. You need to accept it unconditionally. But at the same time, you need to set up boundaries for love. When another person constantly acts violence and ravages you, you constantly play the role of a flatterer. You sacrifice not only yourself but also the other side. Because when I play the role of victim, I define others as a persecutor. He is getting worse and worse. But, to set up borders for love and not to bully you like this, this is actually to protect the relationship, and you also help each other grow up.
To each other’s physical and mental health, we must walk out of the role of “victim”. Forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgiveness is to help yourself out of the prison of hatred and pain on one hand. Without the change of the other party, you can grow up.
We are not worthy of hate for some mistakes of each other, and let ourselves still be in a painful situation. As we said before, we don’t need to drink poison all the time, but we should be responsible for our happiness and happiness. We can still change ourselves and ask for more blessings. We can step back to the sky and find our own happiness.
“Forgiveness” is different from “compound”. Forgiveness is to forgive each other unilaterally and let oneself enter the free world from the prison in my heart. And compounding requires both sides to work hard, and the other side also needs to take responsibility for the things they do wrong. Make a compound immediately before the other party does not recognize the mistake and correct it, which may cause more damage. For example, if he drinks, gambles or does something that hurts you if you keep a close relationship with him, he will come to hurt you constantly. Basically, he is not a safe person until the other party refuses to recognize, be responsible for and correct his / her behaviour. At this time, you will be injured and not good for him, This is about a healthy frontier.