After the break-up, the Redeemer is in a passive position and wants to recover, but it is difficult to contact the passive.
It was only then discovered that it was not a question of skill, a world of feelings, who fell in love with and could not put it down, who would easily become a loser.
Is there any way to turn your offensive back into a passive one?
Yes, but the process will be a little bit hard, it requires you to endure.
Patience is mental resource consumption, you need to have strong spiritual strength, with a good mentality to face.
There is a “minimum interest principle” in an intimate relationship, which was originally proposed by social psychologist Willard Waller, pointing out that the party with lower interest (low dependence or other possibilities) in the relationship has more power.
It may be difficult to understand that in the field of emotion, the one who is struggling is at a disadvantage, and the party who is not actively involved in the relationship often occupies the leading position.
The principle of minimum interest reveals an important truth: the more you behave in a relationship, the more likely you lose.
The first thing is to be absolutely stable in mind.
The specific way is to quit. If you don’t have confidence in controlling yourself, you will not see the gang of friends of the former adultery from this moment at least and do not see any rash and start various associations, and then you can’t help contacting.
Control from the source and avoid the stimulation of your predecessor.
Although escape is not a thorough solution, after all, it is of positive significance to properly do some shielding and defence measures in the sensitive stage of your new break-up, and then gradually adapt to it.
Second, about change.
Many people tell you that you need to change after lovelorn, improve yourself and achieve secondary attraction.
Yes, but how to change it, how can he find out after the change?
I know to change, but the details don’t know how to do it, only give me direction, I still don’t know where to start.
Thus, two principles of change are drawn.
1. you need to make the most obvious and core changes.
After the break-up, you must make the change intuitive to the other side.
You can focus on the inner beauty and plan for it for a long time, but the problem is that the predecessor can’t wait and may not see your changes.
Therefore, if external changes are the best, change is not big, it is not necessary to show some new learning skills through the side, even the state of learning is not related, as long as you do not deliberately expose your purpose to save it.
The so-called unintended means your change, not to declare to the other party, you are to save and do.
But don’t hide it too much, because the changes you have to make are often directly linked to the cause of the breakup. That is the second point to be mentioned below.
2. your change, is better to cause you to break up the core reason.
Whatever you break up for, first find the core reasons, and then remove the complex barriers by changing the environment.
Any retention that does not solve the core cause is actually a disguised emotional kidnapping, kidnapping each other with his own love and asking him to come back.
If successful, it is not a way to work, it is just because the other party never really thought about breaking up, that is, fake breakup.
So your change must touch the core cause of the breakup, not to do some marginal, superficial changes as you like.
It doesn’t make sense, and what each other can feel is selfishness and perfunctory, which is not what you think of as “love.”.
Finally, no matter what you change, make sure to leave a step to contact you.
I have seen many cases, among which the Redeemer has experienced a very successful transformation, but their recovery has not yet improved, because even if they have changed, the former felt it, but has never been actively contacted.
Why has value been improved, the problem of breaking up in the past has been solved, or can’t it attract predecessors?
In fact, it is not without attraction, but that attraction does not translate into action.
The other party sees the change and becomes attractive, but what does it have to do with yourself?
Don’t think it’s silly. Many times you don’t remind or give a hook. The ex really can’t find out you want to compound.
If you want to make a compound, you need to push him.
Of course, it’s not proactive, but you can make a dynamic statement about your mindset.
“Although I have changed a lot now, I still feel sorry often because time can not go back, some of the lost things can not be found back.”
If the ex has the habit of seeing the circle of friends before sleeping, it is better to see him, and then remember to delete it the next morning.
Why is it useful because you have created a mature image of “limited time collapse” – I am usually a strong face, but you are always my weakness.
It’s enough until now. If you see this, you will probably be contacted actively. Conversely, if not, it means that you are not attracted enough, you need to work more on the level of change.
Summarize, to save a few things.
First, mentality, change, and finally leave a step.
As long as the other party finds that you have experienced a change and has different values from the past, it will form attraction.
At this time, when you think that you have, loss aversion will be born, and the sense of demand will urge him to contact you.