People have been so clever, obedient, repressed, will not achieve.
1. obedient children will be loved and rewarded by their parents, and they can also satisfy many of their wishes through their parents, such as candy, toys and hugs; The child who refuses to listen will be reprimanded and punished by his parents and labeled as “bad child”. Try to be a person who is not afraid of being tagged. I am waiting for you in the official account, “Linghu Jia Ye”, so we are trying to be a good obedient child. Slowly, we are used to obedience, to look at people’s face, to be used to patience, to depression. Some people, even serious enough to even if they are ill, unable to support, still hard bite teeth, hard to carry, or dare / do not want to say: “I want…”, “I want…” “I need…”. I used to have a colleague, little D, a little bit shy boy with little words. He is a typical good child.
“Stop being so available”
Heterotopia, it’s lonely, we don’t want to be considered alien, so we force ourselves to integrate into them
2、 It is really terrible to dare to express yourself and rebel for a long time to suppress yourself. The result of long-term depression is accumulated grievance, anger and even resentment, which will produce a strong “offensive power”. There are only two directions of attack – either outward or inward. If you suppress aggression for a long time, there are only two outcomes – either hurting yourself or seriously hurting people.
I don’t want to let us hurt ourselves because of the constant repression of ourselves, and I should not hurt others. So, the best state is: we have to be brave in expressing ourselves since we were young. Every “disobedience” person has a dare to express his soul. We don’t have to, and should not be, a person who listens to everything.
“Stop being so available”
3、 Don’t be afraid of conflict, but if we didn’t develop a child to express our temperament, would it be time? I tell you in charge: time!!! Many of us are afraid of conflict and quarrel because they are not willing to express their opinions. Indeed, quarreling will consume our energy and may “hurt feelings”. However, rather than long-term depression, the relationship is gradually alienated and finally hurt people and self, it is better to quarrel when necessary（ 1) Because quarrel also has its advantages, especially in intimate relations: A. quarrel is a way to break through and release ourselves, so that we can no longer suppress; B. Through quarrel, we can get the attention of each other, let them “listen to me” C. quarrel is also a symbol of the relationship safety. Usually, we only quarrel with the object that “he won’t hurt me even if I get angry with him.” do you mean it? D. Quarrels seem to be intensifying conflicts, in fact, they give themselves an opportunity to clarify themselves and promote the flow of emotions between them. Especially for those of us who are used to repressing ourselves, if we don’t fight, we may not have the opportunity to say our own inner thoughts or know the other’s pains. E. We can clarify our boundaries, that is, the bottom line, to each other through quarrels. For example, you want to learn psychology, but your family disagrees. Even if you gently express your opinion, your family will ignore it. Then, through a fight, you can tell your family: “this is my bottom line. Please don’t trample on it at will, trample on it, that is, trample on my independent personality and dignity.” At this point, it is difficult to believe that your family doesn’t rethink their attitude（ 2) But, after all, it is a fight. We must make certain rules. Otherwise, it may rise to a conflict that endangers relations. A. Don’t use insulting sentences during the fight. No matter who quarrels with, do not carry out personal attack, do not greet each other’s relatives, this is the basic etiquette, do not need me to be wordy, point to the end, point to the end. B. A quarrel agreement needs to be made. For example, the family agreed: do not quarrel at dinner, do not quarrel in the bedroom, and stop quarreling before sleeping.
C. After a fight, give each other a chance to “re-set”. For example, after the quarrel is over, after both sides calm down (it can be the next day), you can tell the other party: “the XX point you said yesterday, I think it is reasonable, but your attitude and manner of speaking make me feel very uncomfortable, so I didn’t agree…” believe me, this will make your next communication or quarrel more constructive. Why am I so sure? Because, my mom and I have come to an agreement on something very important in the process of “quarrel, reply to the table, discuss carefully, communicate and discuss”.