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Text communication can not replace face-to-face communication, text has its own limitations.

The progress of science and technology has changed our life and our relationship mode. We indulge in real-time communication on WeChat and are too lazy to make a phone call. We revel in the illusory emotion of the WeChat expression pack and forget the real emotion. Should we be happy or worried?

“How texting kills relationships”

How many times do we communicate face to face to solve problems when we feel estrangement? Is it possible to send WeChat without making a phone call, and to make a phone call without face-to-face communication? At that time, I may have thought it was easy to work, but the hidden danger was great. After all, we can’t see each other’s emotions and reactions. Maybe if the other party is angry and doesn’t reply, we think everything is OK.

While high technology brings convenience, it has also become a refuge in relationship problems and an accomplice in whitewashing peace.

If we pay attention, we will find that the closer the relationship is, the more critical the person is to you, and the more problems are likely to occur in communication. The communication dilemma in this important relationship is the “difficult dialogue” studied by Mike Beckett.

How do we usually react when the dialogue is difficult?

“How texting kills relationships”

Yes, I think this is the reaction of most people. They pretend that they don’t see the problem. They can say what they should do and what they should do, but they can just avoid the “main problem”. ‘it’s like having an elephant in the room, and everyone can see it, but nobody talks about it,’ says Mike Beckett.

This elephant may appear in any important relationship, such as husband-wife relationship, parent-child relationship, friend relationship, leader relationship, etc. Moreover, when we find it, it often becomes a giant. You may ask: when did this guy come in? The answer is when it was very young.

There is a “minimum consumption principle” in human genes. When we encounter any difficult thing, we will instinctively choose the one with the least energy consumption. It’s like the online story: you can lie down and never sit, you can sit and never stand. The same is true of communication. If you can only wait for peace without saying a word, you will never bother to send messages and make phone calls; Being able to send messages and make phone calls can cover up “problems” and never take the initiative to “find trouble” to meet and solve them.

So, the “elephant” was there at a very young age, but we can’t see it or even deliberately ignore it. Anyway, it doesn’t affect our normal life. Until one day, “elephant” is so big that we can’t ignore it, we will think: it seems that we need to communicate. At this time, communication is obviously more difficult. Without correct communication concepts and skills, most communication will eventually make the “elephant” bigger. 

So how to solve it? Mike Beckett also came up with a solution.

First of all, we should take these difficult conversations as the only way to a stronger interpersonal relationship, accept them and embrace them.

Usually, when we have communication problems, we will be troubled by emotions instead of thinking about what we were for. I once heard a story: a couple arranged to go to a restaurant for dinner on their wedding anniversary to relive their feelings when they were in love. However, the woman was an hour late, and as soon as she was seated, the man fell into all kinds of complaints and accusations, and the final result can be imagined. This is the typical performance of forgetting the original intention. If a man can always remember that he chose to sit here to experience happy moments with his wife when his wife is late, what’s the relationship between happiness earlier and later? If he can continue to communicate this original intention, I believe it will be another result.

Only when we face the problem squarely and do not forget our original intention, can we be willing to solve the problem, take the initiative to fight against the “low loss” principle in genes, and find a way to solve the problem.

“How texting kills relationships”

Secondly, if you can communicate face to face, don’t use WeChat or email.

If we go deep into our hearts and ask ourselves, in the face of communication difficulties, we choose to send messages or email to communicate. Do we really want to solve the problem or find an outlet for our escape? This is the risk of technology. When we are already escaping, WeChat communication will make us think that we are investing.

Just like the case mentioned at the beginning, 520 girlfriends are angry. No matter how many WeChat apologies, it’s not as good as a hug.

Communication requires face-to-face contact. We need to see each other’s expressions and accurately capture each other’s feelings. Only in this way can our relationship grow and drive away from the “elephant in the room”.

Any growth is uncomfortable, so if you can stand, don’t sit. If you can sit, don’t lie down. Similarly, in the face of communication problems, if you can meet, don’t call, if you can call, don’t send WeChat. With a simple change, the relationship may develop in a different direction.

Recommended reading:

1.What is an ltr relationship

2.He says he needs space but still texts

3.He says he needs space but still texts—-when your boyfriend says he “needs space”

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