After a serious love, but still broke up, then must you cut off the contact? How can we alleviate this pain? Different people will respond in different ways: some people drink, some cry for friends, some work hard, and others go out on a journey. Some people choose to start a new relationship right away. In the field of psychology, this relationship is called a “rebound relationship”, which refers to a new relationship that begins immediately after the end of an important romantic relationship, and the relationship with the previous relationship has not been completely resolved (Brumbaugh, 2015). Can we really heal the pain of breaking up by starting a new relationship? Will this kind of affection have a good or bad effect on us?
“How long do rebound relationships last on average”
What is a rebound relationship? The rebound relationship has three elements: 1. after the disintegration of the previous relationship, it is established immediately; 2. it is established before it is completely restored from a relationship; 3. although there may be many reasons for entering the rebound relationship, all have a motivation to distract their attention from the negative emotions generated by the breakup. The results show that: a. the longer the relationship with the predecessor, the higher the commitment, the more likely it will enter the rebound relationship; b. The party who is separated will also be more likely to enter the rebound relationship or rebound sex than the party who actively proposes to break up (Dailey, 2009; Joel, 2014; Barber, 2014)。 c. The results also show that the insecure attachment (anxiety type and avoidance type) will be shorter than the safe type. But the way people who are attached to the backwardness usually don’t think of the way they leave and start a new relationship as a typical “rebound relationship”, but because they are habitually buried in their emotions“ They tend to quickly cut off and isolate the previous relationship and move forward, “said Wendy Walsh, a close relationship expert, whether they offered to break up or the party they were separated, even if they were only ostensibly stepping out of the break-up (Parsons, 2014). They don’t start a new relationship because of the pain and pressure of breaking up. The anxious attachment is more inclined to enter the typical rebound relationship. Especially when they are the abandoned Party (and most of the time it is), they have the highest level of stress, and the more likely they are to use rebound relationships as a way to deal with stress. They are also more likely to be “chronic rebounders.”. Anxious attachment is someone who is always obsessed with relationships. They hope to stick to each other all the time, hoping to always feel the love of each other. Their self-evaluation is largely based on the feedback of the other party. And this obsession is often the reason why people abandon anxious attachment. Every break-up will make them very painful. Their obsession needs to be received by objects, so they need to constantly look for a new outlet for emotional release and get a reconfirmation of their self-worth from others“ Is rebound relationship good for us? We often feel that it is not good to rush to start a new relationship without calming down after a break-up. Many consultants also believe that Meyer (2016) calls a rebound relationship a contingency, a “misguided effort to keep life going.”. They believe that during this period, the parties’ emotions are in an unstable state, and they still have a lingering feeling for their predecessors. They only open up new relationships out of loss and fear of loneliness. Therefore, they cannot make reasonable decisions on the right objects and deal with new relationships. But some studies have proved that this is not the case: rebound relationships actually have a series of positive effects. 1. distraction and negative emotion rebound relationship can be an effective negative emotion coping strategy: the honeymoon period at the beginning of the new love can help you distract from the painful emotions and relieve your own stress, anger, sadness and anxiety. The results show that the people who enter the rebound relationship after a breakup will get rid of their former emotional attachment and negative emotions, such as anger, anxiety and loneliness, than those who remain single. The more anxious the attachment level is, the more obvious the trend is (Spielmann, 2009); Spielmann, 2013).
“How long do rebound relationships last on average”
Whether to improve self-esteem and confidence rebound is a booster of self-confidence – it enables you to confirm that you are attractive and needed. After the breakup, the split party often has a decline in self-concept clarity or even the collapse of self-esteem. We may not be so sure who we are and we will doubt our attractiveness and value（ Mason, 2012)。 Brumbaugh (2015) investigated 261 subjects who ended their relationship, 137 of whom remained single and 124 had new partners. Compared with single people, the new partners showed higher self-esteem, self-confidence, trust and happiness in their “need degree”; The faster the new relationship begins (the shorter the empty window), the higher the happiness and self-confidence among the people with new partners. 3. the small partners who improve attachment style often read our articles should be familiar with the theory of attachment type, and the attachment type can be changed (for unfamiliar students, they can reply [attachment type] to the background for learning). The research found that the beginning of the new relationship will have a role in improving attachment style. People who enter new relationships tend to shift from attachment style to secure attachment, and they are more likely to trust and rely on their partner than single people. For anxious attachment people, they are most likely to enter the rebound relationship, and the rebound relationship is also a good opportunity for them, especially for improving their attachment type. Because the researchers found that among the three attachment types (safety type, anxiety type and avoidance type) if the anxious type of people can grow in the rebound relationship, their growth is the most significant, they can give meaning to the experience and more likely to change into security attachment; The growth of the backwardness attachment is the least significant (Marshall, 2013). That is, if those obsessed people reflect on their obsession status and causes, and practice new intimacy patterns in new relationships, they may make the greatest progress. But in the following three cases, a rebound relationship is harmful, although a rebound relationship has these advantages, in some cases, a rebound relationship is also harmful. To judge whether a rebound relationship is harmful, except for the problems that the new partner may have, it mainly depends on the attitude of a person towards the new relationship, and the emotion towards the previous relationship. In these cases, rebound relationships may have negative effects: 1. new relationships are not completely separated from the previous relationship, which may include the following situations – A. in this relationship, you have not separated from the longitudinal study of the former’s emotion Spielmann (2013) found that the desire for the predecessor, and the quality of the new intimate relationship, There are related relationships: the stronger the desire for the predecessor, the lower the quality of the new relationship is predicted; The lower the quality of the new relationship, the stronger the desire for the predecessor is predicted. So if you don’t lose your desire for your predecessor before a rebound relationship begins, it can affect the quality of the new relationship. The quality of the new relationship is poor, and in turn, it will strengthen your attachment to your predecessor. This will get you into a vicious circle (protest accurate or). b. You use the criteria of your predecessors to choose, understand and treat new partners. Many people will empathize in rebound relationships. They may look for new partners with some similarities with their past partners and project their feelings towards the past partners on their new partners. They will also compare their current status with their predecessors more frequently, and they prefer to use them to understand and analyze them. This may be because they want to get a sense of “stability in life” in a way that is to live in a relatively familiar and stable situation (as old and new partners are similar as if old life had not been completely lost). But research shows that this empathy reduces the quality of new relationships (Montero, 2011; Brumbaugh, 2015)。 c. The attitude of establishing a new relationship is revenge and punishment. Some people will establish a new relationship with the purpose of revenge or punishment to their predecessors (although they may not realize this), hoping to “win” the break-up; Or do something that the former opposed and intolerable in a new relationship, and try to make the former jealous or angry.
“How long do rebound relationships last on average”
With this aim, some people choose revenge sex, a typical form of “rebound sex”, which is often very frequent and may occur repeatedly with the same sexual partner. And the study found that if the rebound relationship was designed to make the former jealous, it would take them longer to recover from the breakup (barber, 2014). 2. you just take the attitude of “I just want to play”, but it misled the other party if you know that you just want to play, do not want to start a serious relationship, or it is not necessarily bad, it is also a way to relieve pressure to some extent. But it is important to note that to make your attitude clear, you both need to agree and don’t have a long-term committed relationship that the other party wants, but you just want to play (Montero, 2011). If the other party misunderstands the origin of the relationship, the development of the new relationship will eventually go negative (even if you are later put in a serious attitude). 3. you can’t stand the empty window. It may be a “chronic rebound”. Do you need to find someone to fill the empty window period quickly after each relationship is over? If that happens all the time, you may be a “chronic rebound,” and you need to think about the reasons. If you are used to relying on the outside world for a long time and feel lonely is too terrible, it may be difficult to face every new relationship in an independent manner (Montero, 2011). Being unable to face the open window period will reduce your ability to identify your new partner, which makes you lack a reason to grasp the first person around you. And the new partner may have many problems in itself, just you choose to ignore it to bounce back quickly. How to identify whether this is a “rebound relationship”? a. If you are the one who just broke up, you need to ask yourself: are you naturally attracted to each other, or have you deliberately sought such an object? Do you appreciate the person in front of you or avoid those painful emotions? Do you really have emotional connections, or are you just afraid of being alone without a partner? Have you put it down completely or do you think of your predecessor often and compare it with the current one? If the answer is the latter, then the relationship is likely to be harmful to both of you. b. Sometimes you may need to help your partner identify whether they are rebounding, they don’t know themselves at many times, or they don’t want to tell you about your past experiences. Think about whether the other party will show the following signs (Hannum, 2015; Magaldi, 2015): · he seems to fall in love with you for no reason, or you feel like you’re selected among some alternatives· He doesn’t seem to want to spend time with you to know each other· Your relationship seems to be developing very fast, but it seems to be slow. You live together very quickly, he can’t wait to sun you on social networks, although you just know soon, they seem to be very long-term partners; But at the same time, you always feel that you have a distance from him, and the essence of your relationship is not so close· To you: it seems that he will need you very much when he is lonely, but he may ignore you in some happy times· He doesn’t seem to forget his predecessor completely: he may mention his predecessor from time to time (even if you say “you’re better than him”) or sometimes, when you’re together on some occasions, he finds his predecessor there. He seems to want to envy his predecessor· Your sex life is very frequent, and seems to be much faster than your emotional development· Although he claims to have broken up with his predecessor, you often feel like you are being measured by an invisible ruler.
If you find that most of them are in your partner, he is likely in a “rebound” and that relationship can hurt you. You can talk to your partner about it. How can a rebound relationship be positive? A rebound relationship is actually a good opportunity. If you find yourself in a bad rebound relationship, it is not only a good opportunity to understand yourself, but also an opportunity to change. If you find yourself in a bad rebound relationship, try the following: 1. to make sure that your emotional state is very fragile, lonely, or the emotion has been partially restored; Identify whether anger, disappointment and sadness still affect you; Recognition and face the negative emotions you have is the first step. 2. to evaluate your previous paragraph and the relationship to the predecessor, you need to make sure that you have a compound motivation and possibility. If the answer is no, you need to give yourself the determination and motivation to come out of this relationship. And for your current partner, you need to make sure you are really interested in him or you just use him as a tool. At the same time, you need to be clear whether he is a suitable person to enter into a close relationship for you, and whether it can improve your self-worth. 3. if you are in the last step of honest communication with your partner, you are sure to exclude the former factors. The other party is still the object you want to communicate with and may pay for commitment, and also the object suitable for communication. Then, you should communicate with each other frankly your experience, and do not try to hide it; And you communicate with you about the trend of this relationship, don’t say “I’m not sure what kind of relationship I want to develop with you, but I really like you, hope our relationship is exclusive”. At the same time, listen to the other party’s opinions and ideas. Whether a new relationship will begin immediately may depend on how long you meet a new person. But new relationships and new partners can’t help you cover up past problems. Whether you want to start a new relationship right away, you need to end the last relationship and face and deal with all that you left behind.