Why should we recover the derailment?
To be honest, I don’t know the mentality of some people. I can only tell the other party the way to deal with this problem every time I encounter this problem, and then add an “I don’t suggest” – everyone has his own methodology, I don’t judge
But we may find a reasonable explanation from one point of view – the sunk cost effect.
“How to get your ex back after cheating”
Sunk cost effect: an irrational phenomenon that takes into account sunk cost in decision-making. To avoid negative emotions caused by loss, it indulges in past payment and chooses irrational behaviour.
If you’re so stubborn, come on, let’s tell you what to do.
1. everything starts with digging the foot of the wall
Want to know what the way that teaches people to dig the wall foot is? I have summed up the following core ideas based on his courses and cases – that’s how your other half, almost, has been dug away.
“How to get your ex back after cheating”
① Create contact opportunities: first, be friends, moisten things carefully and silently, keep in touch and do not cross the border. Let the other party recognize you first, and think you are a good friend
② Provocation: interact with the target at a high frequency, but they are all in the name of friends. Generally, the Lord will be jealous and dissatisfied. Don’t take the initiative to fight, wait for the right owner to make mistakes, and when they lose control of their emotions, you win the first hand – your silly and sweet friend image is compared with their neurotic cybernetic image, and your goal will feel their other half is making a fuss.
③ Take the initiative to carry the pot, and try to catch. Show self-responsibility, guilt, all responsibilities to their own, stimulate the other party’s desire to protect. Originally, the other party has been dissatisfied with the owner because of his / her out of control. If you take the initiative, you will only make the target feel that the performance of the positive master has spread to your normal social network, and the goal will be more dissatisfied.
④ Stab the knife behind the quiet and forbearance: don’t make noise, give the target enough time, and don’t force the target to establish a relationship. At the same time, stabbed the main man: “I understand why he is like this, he loves you so much, but he feels that he can’t match you in his heart, so he will have no sense of security.”… “You should also be more considerate of him because he is not as wide as your friends, so it is difficult to feel uncomfortable to see you with others often” – every knife, All poke into the pain of everyone: the other half of them is a sick waste of love for themselves.
“How to get your ex back after cheating”
⑤ Give the other party a habit and then quit: let the other party get used to your existence. When they have you, they suddenly pull away, causing the other party’s withdrawal reaction. The other party will be unable to adapt to your existence because of your existence. In addition, the main owner makes a lot of chicken jumping at home every day. This kind of withdrawal reaction is the last straw that kills the camel.
Why do you say that the recovery of derailment should talk about so many ways to dig the wall foot?
Silly children, counter control their moves, their routine of the enemy, are in their own way.
2. the first step of the reverse system: drag, consume
Many people often regard the other half as a big enemy, but you just have one thing you don’t want to understand – a person who tries to replace you with all his or her best, why do you think she has the advantage?
They are in the downwind, and they are the most anxious – they can’t wait. You’ve got a place in the world, they have to bet everything, and they don’t know if they can win.
This battle is a war of consumption. Whoever can not move first loses.
You see, the people who dig the wall know to use your emotions out of control. Why can’t you use this to counter her?
Remember the psychological defence mechanism we have talked about in previous articles? Under the psychological defence mechanism, people are easy to escape. Now you are playing with who can not help pulling the trigger and enlightening the other party’s psychological defence mechanism. The object of your game will inevitably want to escape the person who reminds him that “you are out of the way”.
Who is more down to the game, you think? It’s you, of course.
Because of the goal you’re fighting for, you’ve got it – you just need to be calm about watching Jackie make mistakes first.
3. the second step of the anti-system: withdrawal response
Do you know what’s more terrible than passion? It seems to be lethargic, even a little boring – habits.
Or what do you think is the reason most people who break up can’t walk out? Not because of a particular person, but because of the habit of being with that person long enough——
He doesn’t have to say that his stomach is bad, every day when he comes home to eat, he will have a bowl of warm porridge waiting for him; He doesn’t need the suit, and the other half will know that he will iron it up before the big occasion; She doesn’t have to say she is sleeping too much. She will be afraid to wake her up when the other half comes back overtime
The understanding and understanding cultivated by this long-term relationship is not conquered by passion at all – this understanding and understanding requires a long time company, long-term running in and even concession, and each one is lack the object of deviant.
Does she want to give a break response? Joking, let’s get her to know what the real withdrawal is.
Don’t you like her? Don’t you hate to get tired of being together every day? OK, you are all right. I’ll go. You can go on a small day.
You will find that without me, you can only frown on Sichuan cuisine with red oil; Without me, you habitually reach for a crumpled suit; Without me, you can be the night that he can be noisy by the loud and loud in the middle of the night.
At the same time, my family has felt that something wrong, the phone has been called to your family, your parents are pulling down the face to ask why I suddenly came home and didn’t live with you.
Do you mean the real reason? How do you mean to tell your parents what you did? You are not afraid that you are angry with the two old people?
OK, you don’t say it. You’re over.
Will your conscience not hurt? That person is beside you, can you sleep without any scruples?
No, you won’t.
Abstinence + social stress, nausea, can also disgust you.
The third step of the anti-system: Mianli Tibetan needle
The men who dig the wall are smart, they know to use the protection of people and the compassion of people.
But they are not smart enough, they did not expect that shame is a stronger feeling than a desire to protect.
Because people are selfish, the desire to protect is the feelings of the external people, and shame is the condemnation of themselves.
The deviant knows that he is out of bounds, knows that he should be punished and that the other half should be furious with himself.
But I don’t do that.
I am sad, I am angry, you ruined my fantasy of love, your broken things themselves not clean and defiled our feelings.
I know, you can not scold you, you can not I see you up is a slap, so you are relaxed.
I will not trigger another self-protection mechanism. I will not quarrel with you. I will not fight you. I will not let your self-defence mechanism rationalize your feelings about me into my “emotional instability”, and rationalize my fury into “never talk”.
You want to be free, no, I just don’t give you.
I will still help you make breakfast, it is the first time you have breakfast when you spend the night here; I will help you to clean up the room, but I will accidentally throw our first photo on the ground; I will laugh when you tell a bad joke. I tell you to tell you the joke. You told me many times when you chased me.
I didn’t say anything, I didn’t do anything, I didn’t even bother to stab a third-party knife – that man was not worthy of being my competitor.
I just want you to realize how long, how long we’ve been coming all the way, how long.
I just want you to understand that it’s not so easy, it’s not that easy you can get rid of your shame, not so easy you can be free.
Do you bear to do that? Don’t you suffer? You look at me, you can say, word by word, voice a little without trembling, clear tell me:
You really don’t love me anymore?
Step 4: make the mirror of that person with your dignity
We counter control each other’s last big killers, called to show their disrespect.
You are wearing a loud cry. Low burst, only to make people happy to have dumped the Yellow-faced woman.
And you are calm and calm, like a mirror, to show their disgrace, their panic.
When you leave him for a short time and cause his withdrawal reaction, I want you to appear in front of the person with a smile.
Don’t say anything. It’s enough to clean up with a smile.
The irony is about to spill over the cheek:
“Oh, it seems that you have not had a lot of me. What a pity, I don’t feel like you, what is the difference.”
On the one hand, there are new joys in the running-in period, and the old love shining on the other hand. Do you think this person will shake?
Do you think he will be ashamed, even eager to ask you for a hug?
Push him away and tell him with a smile:
Honey, I have been very good, and I’m happy to give you this hug.
But you can’t bring another person’s temperature, or I will not get it in your life.
I want to know, what’s your own business, how is it going?
At this moment, the new Huan unreasonable, abstinence of the whole body discomfort, social pressure brought about by upset, can not get relief suffering, in your decent shame and inferiority, broke out.
What you have to do is just like an adult who comforts the child, holds up his face and tells him: you are too much, you hurt me, but you know that there is still a rescue if you are wrong.
Then, let that man do something for you, and it’s time to trigger his sunk cost effect, you deserve it.
How it looks simple, is it very deconstructive?
No, it is not simple at all, not let the mood rush to the head, bear the burden of humiliation step by step, this calm and strategy, not ordinary people can have.
The recovery of deviance is the recovery of Hell’s difficulty level. Sixty-seven of the ten people are in the middle of a state of mental collapse, and no disease ends.
But what sticks to it is defending your feelings.
I just tell you how difficult it is. If you want to do it, please be prepared.
If you want to do it, I will support your decision.
After all, there are things that we have to make, we are stubborn.