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In 1996, sherry Turkle, who first spoke at Ted, was entitled “celebrating our lives on the Internet,” but now she thinks the Internet is “taking us to places we don’t want to go.”. Although the Internet era provides more and more social channels, people and people seem to be more distant, we are more reluctant to be close to people, less invite people to visit the home. She believes that social media has created three fantasies: 1. We will gain attention in any case. We can always be heard. We never have to be alone. According to the Atlantic Monthly, less than 10 percent of Americans were alone in 1950; By 2010, 27 percent of Americans chose to live alone. In 1985, the average number of “close friends” was 2.94, only 10% reported that they had no friends to talk to; By 2004, the average number of “close friends” was 2.08, and 25 percent said they had no friends to talk to. The biggest change in the 20 years has been the emergence of the Internet. Is the Internet making our life more lively or lonely? How can we get high-quality social relations in this era? Today, I want to talk to you about the social network age from the psychological point of view while solving the problem. The importance of social: not only is it the most basic human needs, but also changes our brain. We all know that good relationships can bring many benefits, such as making us healthier, less sick, longer, happier and so on. When social relationships are not good and we feel excluded in social life, our brain reactions are similar to those of physical pain, that is, social pain is the same as physical pain. Social issues can also affect our self-esteem and our sense of self-worth( But social networking may be more fundamental and important to us than you think“ Human nature is social animals. Those individuals born to live in isolation are either not worthy of our attention or are not human beings. “—— Aristotle’s treatise in the Book Politics B.C. sounds extreme, but in recent years, scientists’ research on the brain has proved that social needs are as basic as those for food and shelter.

“How texting kills relationships—-what is the impact of social networks on real-life relationships?” 

First, anthropological research shows that we develop a larger brain that is not in proportion to the size of the body for social purposes. The size of the brain is often proportional to the body size. Only primates are the special cases, and the proportion of brain to body is the largest. Why? Anthropologist Robin Dunbar believes that the expansion of brain volume may be for social needs: the key factor determining the size of the brain is the outermost layer neocortex, and by comparing 38 primates, after excluding the body size interference, he found that the size of the site is proportional to the size of the community in which the animal is located, The larger the community, the larger the brain. When the community attribute of the same genus becomes weaker, the new cortex will also decrease when the community attribute of the same genus becomes weaker from the perspective of evolution. So he thinks that our brain development is influenced and promoted by the needs of social communication (Dunbar, 1992). In addition, cognitive neuroscientists Matthew Lieberman and others found that when our brain does not deal with any specific work, its “default network” will be active, and other task-specific areas will not be active. Our “default” part of our brain consists of two key areas – the medial parietal cortex and the medial dorsal prefrontal cortex, which are all areas closely related to social relations used for thinking and social thinking. When the two areas are activated, it means that people are thinking about past social behaviors, solutions to social problems, planning future social arrangements, etc. Lieberman said that’s evidence of evolutionary speculation that we’re ready to socialize at all times – when our brains don’t get easy to relax, we start thinking about social related content by default (Lieberman, 2002). But you know what? Virtual society is making us more lonely. Our demand for social networking is so instinctive and strong. So, what kind of impact will it have on us with the development of online and virtual social? A series of studies on social networks show that virtual social networking doesn’t really expand your circle of communication. Instead, the more you use it, the more lonely you may be“ Mariakinikova, a psychology columnist for new Yorker, said the Internet has alienating nature. In 1998, a longitudinal study by Robert Kraut found that happiness and social connectivity have been declining for 1-2 years when people first used the network. Among them, the use of the network has the greatest influence on the family relationship, and their contact and communication with their families will be significantly reduced; In addition, it also accompanied the shrinking social circle, increased depression and loneliness (Kraut, 1998). In addition, more social networking has proved to reduce intimacy satisfaction because it creates envy and suspicion. The researchers believe that this is because social networks reveal more information, more likely to reveal their partner’s past experience and information exchange with others; Meanwhile, the fuzziness of social network information will cause more speculation and imagination. When people spend more time online, they also reduce the time they spend with their partners in real life (muise, 2009). Australian research analyzed the relationship between social network use and big five personality, and found that compared with those who did not use Facebook, people who used Facebook had higher overall narcissism and stronger loneliness in social life (Ryan, 2011). So why does social networking make us lonely? Moira Burke of Carnegie Mellon University conducted a longitudinal study on 1200 Facebook users. She analyzed the relationship between them and happiness and connection, aiming at a series of behaviors of users on Facebook (such as praise, private letters, comments, etc.). She concluded that social networks themselves do not make people unhappy and lonely, but some of its features and features are likely to have a negative impact on people (Burke, 2016). Moira Burke concludes that: 1. when people communicate on social networks, only receiving personal communication content will help to reduce loneliness and improve happiness( We all like to have partners send more information to themselves. She divides social network behaviors into three categories: one click communication, which means there is no actual content, but only through mechanical praise and other actions or “easy to produce” means to communicate, such as general praise and blessing·“ Broadcast communication, i.e. browsing the latest news of friends on the information stream, new reminders or all kinds of information that they inadvertently receive, such as seeing photos of others traveling abroad, newly made lunch, interesting things of new children, etc.

“How texting kills relationships—-what is the impact of social networks on real-life relationships?”


That is, the content of communication is personalized, usually directed, one-on-one, and more from the inner communication. The relationship between social networks and communication objects can be divided into two categories: strong relationships (and close friends, usually online and offline), and weak relationships (and people who do not know or are not familiar with). When analyzing the influence of different relationships and communication modes on people’s social connection and happiness in these two dimensions, she found that: Generally speaking, the frequency of social network use is not directly related to the loneliness and happiness of people. Receiving the communication from “strong relationship” will improve the happiness of people, while the communication with “weak relationship” has no effect on happiness; Receiving “creative communication” will significantly improve people’s happiness and connection, while “point in praise” and “broadcast communication” have no impact on connection and happiness; When people receive “creative communication” from strong relationships, happiness and connectivity are the most obvious. However, whether it is from the weak relationship of “creative communication”, or from strong relations “point like communication”, “broadcast communication”, all have no impact on happiness and connection( If you receive special messages from close partners, happiness and connectivity will be improved; And if he just gives you a compliment, it’s not the same. Of course, if someone you don’t know sends you special news, it is also true that “passive consumption” on social networks will reduce people’s sense of connection and happiness“ Passive consumption refers to the non destination, but inadvertently receiving information, such as “broadcast communication”. Her experiment found that watching someone else’s Facebook page can lead to more depression. This is related to the fact that people today, on social networks, have been too concerned about self-display. Today, social networks are a channel to show themselves. The image of a person in social network (your personal page introduction, friends circle photo) has become a symbol of personal brand, which makes us pay special attention to the personal image maintenance on social network. We also see more and more carefully designed images of others. After passive consumption of these images, our subconscious “social comparison” will make us more unable to settle down in our lives and become more anxious (Mauss, 2011). More importantly, we can not choose the right comparison person in the circle of friends, but can only passively accept the positive and perfect self-image of others (the side shown in the circle of friends), and consciously and unintentionally evaluate the real self by such high comparison standards. Thus, we are prone to negative self-consciousness. And those who share cool things in the circle of friends also have their anxiety. People who deepen self-identity through the released state and photos are often vulnerable in reality. Those beautiful photos and states are the means to build a good self-image, so that they feel valuable and good. Over time, he would tend to believe that the perfect self is the real self. People can carefully decorate each photo, edit each paragraph of text, and show a perfect self. But it is this demand for shaping a perfect person, which makes people “imprisoned” in self-expression prisons (March, 2012). In addition, sherry Turkle said that our understanding and maintenance of the use of social media and the relationships that have been formed on social media are still in infancy. We don’t really know how to interact consciously and meaningfully. It’s like when new things (like computers, the Internet) come up, we are dazzled and overwhelmed by the inability to control it. Therefore, people are losing some basic communication ability. Many people prefer to communicate by SMS and email. Because when talking face-to-face, they can’t edit the words they say, and “can’t show the side I want to show people”. But the fragmented communication between SMS and email, although the words and sentences have been carefully edited, have lost the ability to really understand each other with conversation. Having said so many negative effects of social networks, you might want to ask: what is the social way we need?

1. improve the quality of social communication, not quantity. Eric klinenberg, a sociologist at New York University, believes that the quality of social interaction, not quantity, determines whether you are alone. Some people, although living alone and rarely meeting people, still get satisfied in a small amount of social life; Some people, though they gather together as a whole, still feel lonely (Mauss, 2011). Moreover, with the age, people’s social quality requirements will be more and more than the quantity requirements. People aged 30 need to build meaningful, important and intimate social connections than at 20 (Carmichael, 2015).

So, whether online or offline, you need to find ways to improve their quality – make meaningful conversations, make closer friends, and less “passive consumption” and “good friends.”. 2. finally, we all have to go back to offline life. John Cacioppo (2008) of the University of Chicago analyzed different social ways (Facebook, forums, online games, dating sites and offline opposite social), and found that the higher the proportion of offline (face-to-face) interaction, the less likely it was to feel lonely; The lower the proportion of offline interaction, the stronger the loneliness. But he doesn’t think that means people who like online socializing must be more lonely“ What really matters is not what tools you use to make friends, but whether it expands your offline communication ratio. ” Facebook, dating sites, forums are just tools, and, like all tools, the key is how people use them, Cacioppo says. If they can increase your offline contacts, such as meeting people online and offline, carpooling together and forming offline interest groups through the Internet, then the network will also make us feel less lonely (March, 2012).

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