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The other day, a girl in the group asked that she was in contact with a boy who had a good feeling. On a date a few days ago, the boy said intentionally and unintentionally that he was busy working and had more friends and social relations, so she liked to be independent, not stick to people and know how to give men space.

The girl said that the two people had a good conversation, but the boy said such a word, always felt like to push her away, let her a little confused, do not know how the other side thinks.

“He says he needs space but still texts”

Then some people in the group said that, in fact, boys are right. All boys need personal space. It is also normal for all boys to work and like to make friends. It is girls who are too sensitive.

Some people say that boys say he is busy with work and social, so he doesn’t like girls sticking to people. It is a bit of a “straight man” to put his girlfriend behind work and social intercourse.

But in fact, they all put the wrong point.

The root of the problem is not whether the “requirements” of the boy are reasonable or not, but that he “put forward” these requirements in a very straightforward way.

What does a man do when he tells you he needs personal space?

The core of this problem is not “should not give him personal space”. The “personal space” here can be replaced with any other requirements, including the need for girls to cook, girls to accept pre-marriage sexual relations, girls need to follow themselves to another city to live, and girls need to marry within a year or three years later

At any time, when facing the demands of a man, don’t be taken by his “demands” itself. You should stand on a higher level and realize a fact soberly:

When he said that, he was setting up rules.

2

What is the rule?

There are only two intuitive options for you now: either refuse or obey.

Since most girls can tangle up for this problem, it can basically show that she likes this man. As long as the man’s requirements do not touch her bottom line, if she refuses the rules of the other party straightly and assumes the risk of losing the man, most of them are not easy to do.

Then it seems that there is only another way left, obeying the rules.

This is also the subconscious reaction of girls – anyway, I like him very much, and his request doesn’t seem very intolerable. So I promise him to be OK. Maybe I will follow him with a few words: “I also think girls should be independent”, “I don’t like girls who stick to their boyfriend” and so on. I hope the interested boys can see each other.

But what they didn’t realize was that once they accepted the kimono rule, they had fallen into a passive relationship with boys in the future.

In fact, the meaning behind the man’s proposal is simple. When he needs you, you will appear, and you will not appear in front of him when he doesn’t need you.

“He says he needs space but still texts”

When you are in his rules, it means you are treated as “call and wave.”. But whenever you want to see him or need him to help you, he will immediately tell you that he is busy working or playing with friends.

He could reasonably take out what you said to refute you: “did not you promise me, not disturb me when I was busy?”

You can’t ask him anymore if you think it’s something you promised.

Even if you continue to express your needs to him, he can break up with you by the water. Because “you have violated what you have said”, the responsibility for breaking up is entirely yours.

In the end, you may even suspect that you are too sticky and messed up with the relationship – and in fact, you just fall into the “rule trap” he has long set.

3

Yes, no, no, is there any third way in the matter?

Of course.

Since you know, he has set rules ahead of time, dug traps and waited for you to jump, you can be a trap to avoid him, to be an “exception to general principles” and to break the framework he tried to create.

Let’s look at the mentality of a man to propose rules, as we mentioned earlier, and he wants you to appear when he needs you, and you disappear when he doesn’t need you.

You can successfully break his rules by breaking the framework of “he needs you to appear, he doesn’t need you to disappear.”.

Girls who are not smart enough tend to get tangled in the second half of the sentence. They can’t accept that men have “no need” for them and hope they “don’t appear”.

So they tried to try hard to make him feel like a second when he was working, they killed the call when the man and his friends were gathering, and they were talking in his ear when he was alone… They tried to violate the boundaries of men in this way and trample down the rules set by men.

“He says he needs space but still texts”

As most people see, men are getting impatient and more impatient, and they get more and more away from them when they don’t need them.

In fact, the real part of this framework that you can play is in the first half – why do you have to appear when he needs you?

He said he didn’t like girls sticking to people, wanted personal space, right? OK, you promise him.

But why can’t you be busy working when he wants to ask you to have dinner?

Why don’t you go shopping with your girlfriend when he wants to ask you to see a movie?

When he came to your house downstairs late at night and thought “go up for a drink of water”, why can’t you have slept down and not meet easily?

The essence of a man’s setting up a rule is that he feels that it must be in his own interest.

But if you can do all of these things, he will soon realize that the rule is “not necessarily good” for him, and he will begin to doubt and reflect on the rationality of the rules himself.

If you can take this opportunity to take advantage of the emptiness, it is easy to turn the situation around and turn yourself into a “rule-making” party. 

4

Some girls may ask, if he needs me when I don’t appear, he will go to other girls, no longer contact me what to do?

This is a very likely situation and it is not easy to do it – especially if other girls around him can readily agree to his request, he will probably not come back to you again, and it is difficult for you to get another chance.

If you really like this man so much, you are afraid to lose him and completely unable to accept the possibility, I don’t suggest you follow the above strategy. You should obey his rules and follow his wishes.

Because if you want to tame a person, you must take the risk of injury, tears, or even loss – you know, men dare to ask you to set rules, essentially because he is not so afraid to lose you.

Only by keeping this “less afraid of losing” state can we really become the person who creates rules and has a strong framework.

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