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Received a question from a netizen:

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for five months. The last time I quarrelled with him, he felt very tired. He said he needed space and wanted to be alone. In the end, it was because they were reluctant to part. 

I am a very clingy girlfriend, love and love in my life are almost ranked first and second, and family side by side. It’s not because I love someone more, but because I really need love. Every time a relationship really enters a love state, I will be very clingy. I miss my boyfriend very much when I don’t see him one day. At the same time, I also want my boyfriend to chat with me after work, play games and watch the same play (not live together, but watch the same play together)

My clingy personality leads to every loved boyfriend will feel tired, need space, I have tried to find things to do, but when distracted, often absent-minded, depressed, my boyfriend does not stick to me, this matter affects my state very much.

“He says he needs space but still texts—-when your boyfriend says he “needs space”

The basic information is the above, I really want to make my boyfriend happy, let him feel relaxed in love, at the same time, I am also happy! What I want to ask for help now is, how can I manage my feelings correctly and change my mind emotionally? Should I change myself or my boyfriend?

You said you and your boyfriend have been dating for 5 months. The last time you quarrelled, he felt very tired. He said he needed space and wanted to be alone. In the end, because of the anxiety of separation, both of them were reluctant to part, so they didn’t break up.

You say you are a very clingy girlfriend, love and love in life are almost ranked first and second, and family side by side. In fact, the deeper inner needs, intimacy and parent-child relationship are a mutual reflection. In fact, what you are talking about is not how much love you really have, but how much you need love. I would like to invite you to calm down and recall the experience carefully. Is there any experience of lack of love in your deep life or the past? Do you feel the lack of love when some needs are not met, and when some events happen or when the relationship with your boyfriend enters a certain stage, you will be more eager for love and need love?

“He says he needs space but still texts—-when your boyfriend says he “needs space”

When you really fall in love every time, you will be very sticky. You will miss your boyfriend if you don’t see him one day. At the same time, you want your boyfriend to chat with you after work, play games and watch TV together. Do you mean you don’t want to live together, or do you want to keep the final boundary and space distance?

As for the clingy personality, every love boyfriend will feel tired and need space. You said that you have tried to find something to do and distract yourself, which is also a good way. There are also some, such as striving to improve yourself, improving self-worth, self-development and self-improvement, or learning some new skills and taking the initiative to find some social support, Take part in some interesting group activities, contact more friends and family, or agree to complete some specific events with two people at regular intervals, cultivate common interests and hobbies, etc.

“He says he needs space but still texts—-when your boyfriend says he “needs space”

Although sometimes absent-minded, low mood, this is also very normal, as long as you insist on, encourage yourself, love yourself, be better to yourself, do love in your heart, will not be so strong to seek love.

As for a boyfriend who doesn’t stick to you, you can understand his respect for you. Your needs can be properly expressed. As long as you adjust your state and comfortable distance between you, you will naturally achieve the effect you want. Because of your excessive sticking, your boyfriend may want to avoid and run away, so when your sense of need is reduced, your expectation for each other is reduced, The other party will automatically express their needs for you. In fact, it seems that your state affects the relationship between two people, not that he doesn’t stick to you. What do you think?

As for what you said, how can you manage your feelings correctly and change your mind emotionally? This is determined by your own cognitive behaviour. Should you change yourself or your boyfriend?

Think about it. If the idea of changing others holds, have you ever been changed by others? If you are determined to change others, it will be more frustrating, painful and difficult, and only if the internal driving force has changed. If he wants to change spontaneously and actively from the bottom of his heart, it will really change, and it is difficult to drive by external forces. On the contrary, it will cause more passive feelings. Everyone will be uncomfortable, so the answer must be to change himself rather than his boyfriend.

Let’s share with a visitor before the teacher. She also loves her boyfriend very much and wants to keep track of his whereabouts at any time. As soon as she leaves, she will call him and ask where she is going and who she is with. She will feel that it is because of love because she can’t get away from him, and the other party’s feelings, such as being monitored, constrained, not believed, suspected, and no freedom and private space, Finally, the boy said: please let me go. I’m too tired, so conflicts and problems are bound to appear in this kind of relationship. Even if we get tired of being together in the sweet love period in the beginning, and the relationship will enter a quiet period in the future, the man will want to escape, just as a child wants to escape from his mother’s control and interference.

Since you really want to make your boyfriend happy, let him feel relaxed in love, at the same time, you are also happy! From now on, you should practice your communication skills and express your inner needs. At the same time, you should also try to meet the needs of the other party, adjust your relationship mode, manage your emotions, give the other party more respect, understand and maintain a certain distance (distance produces beauty), and grasp a very important factor boundary in an intimate relationship, I believe you will manage and maintain your love relationship, and form a more healthy and happy intimate relationship. You will be happy with each other. I hope it can help you.

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