How to judge whether the other party wants to go to bed or fall in love, that is to say, ask.
How to distinguish between lust and love?
There is also a mirror question in the description of the question. Today, our answers to boys and girls can be used for reference.
But girls are more likely to experience violence or harm from sexual attraction, so we also offer some suggestions to keep girls alert to sexual attraction that may cause harm.
Making love doesn’t make it love.
Some people may feel that sex and love are inseparable. Nobody friction, where to love sparks?
But scientific research shows that both the brain and the eye can tell you:
Sex impulse and love are two things!
The Cacioppo team at the University of Chicago found that sexual desire is similar to the active brain area of a person when a drug addiction occurs.
To be honest, sexual attraction is like drug use. Can you tell what love is when you are in a high state?
Another experiment asked a group of college students to select their own “sexual impulse” and “love feeling” objects in 120 photos. They were then shown the photos and monitored their eye movements.
The result is – people stare at the face of the person in love for a long time, but more at the body of the sexual impulse object. The judgment between the body/face takes only half a second to make.
“Whether you will stare into each other’s eyes for a long time is one of the most reliable signs of true love,” Cacioppo said
Love may start with sexual desire. But in many cases, sexual attraction cannot be transformed into love.
Let’s feel the difference more generally——
Just want to vent the original impulse with you in bed. Only care about their own cool, one-night stand big, sex to Hello Sao, sex to fall tide, often “a drop also no”.
Want to meet you anywhere, even if up the mountain and the sea of fire, betray your nature, you should be with you.
It was clear, but it was unclear to put yourself on? There are also some typical signals of two relationships. Welcome to the throne.
*If TA just wants to sleep with you:
1. TA makes you feel that TA only looks at your appearance and figure.
2. TA regards you as everything, likes something, not all of you.
3. TA just wants to have sex and doesn’t want to communicate.
4. TA makes a good impression on you, but when it reaches its goal, Ta wants to leave.
5. TA is more willing to maintain the intimate relationship on the level of fantasy but is not willing to talk about the real feelings of both parties.
6. TA wants to get more than giving.
7. after that, TA will not embrace you; Or just sleep, wake up the next day and don’t eat breakfast with you.
If the other party shows the above points in front of you, you may be more suitable to be a cannon friend because TA has not considered building a close relationship with you.
Don’t be overwhelmed by sexual impulses
*If you are in love:
1. you may not say what you like TA specifically, but you still love TA.
2. you have many times, just stay together and don’t have sex.
3. if you can’t finish speaking, you feel like time is going very fast.
4. you are willing to talk about all your own things. Even if you have a difficult experience, the other party will not mind.
5. you will listen to each other’s feelings sincerely and want to make each other happy.
6. you feel safe: at any time, you will support each other.
7. you want to share everything first.
8. you know clearly what the disadvantages of TA have, but still want to be with TA.
9. you are willing to cross the difficulties with TA, and Ta makes you a better person.
10. you want to meet TA’s family and friends and plan the future together.
If both of you can do the above, Congratulations, you find the right person.
But, considering that everyone has different patterns in relationships, you may not be able to conclude? Then try to ask yourself the following six questions and carefully taste your relationship:
“All (ask lust or love)” six questions identification table:
Lust, built solely on sexual attraction and fantasy, dissipates as you gradually realize that the real one is each other.
Love is not exclusive to sexual desire, and sexual needs are part of intimate relationships, but love often takes a long time to let you know each other.
Sexual desire makes you close to each other involuntarily, while love makes you want to be together for a long time and have a deeper emotional connection. In some stages of intimacy, they coincide with each other.
Seeing this, you may have a sense of sexuality and love! Just haven’t met that person yet
But as mentioned earlier, it’s hard for those who have just begun a close relationship and are sexually attracted to be confused. In fact, many physical or emotional violence and abuse relations begin with sexual attraction.
So let’s talk about:
Sexual attraction to possible harm – how to be alert?
Orloff, assistant professor of clinical psychiatry at UCLA, summarizes her years of experience in women’s prisons and home violence centers and suggests that – your intuition!
Many women who have been in abusive relationships for a long time acknowledge:
“My intuition has told me many times that there’s something wrong – but I ignored it.”
Intuition is like a prophet, and it knows whether you are a good person or a werewolf. When the brain is conquered by love, intuition can also keep you calm and find the real voice in your heart.
If someone is constantly glamorous and gives you a strong urge to reproduce offspring with TA, you should see if your intuition is ringing:
1. there is a voice in your heart, which always tells you “danger”, “caution”.
2. when you are together, you feel inexplicable discomfort, discomfort or exhaustion.
3. the attraction you feel is dark and destructive.
4. TA’s way of treating you makes you uncomfortable, but because you are afraid of TA leaving, you never dare to say what you feel.
Some intuition is very subtle and difficult to say. No matter how attractive each other looks, pay attention to your intuition, which helps you see the essence through the appearance of passion.
*Note: safe love needs courage and courage to love to ≠ give nothing.
In the new year, you may be eager to find a “right person”, your desire to make you two people move closer, but please note that in many cases, sexual attraction cannot be transformed into love, which is often destined at the beginning.
But it’s easy to mistake eroticism as love: in an early, hormonal boom in a close relationship, you feel like you love everything about this person, whether it’s good or flawed – but you see what you want TA to be, or you’re replacing each other with what you want TA to be.
All your views on Ta seem to have been wearing a pair of rose glasses.
That’s why today we need to distinguish between sexuality and love. We don’t stop you from loving, but we don’t want you to be sexually attracted or brutally harmed in the name of love.
If you know this, you can find the person who loves you sincerely and help you love more firmly and happily. We can be sure that the sexual desire at this time is icing on your love, not a moth to put out the fire.
If you can better know yourself and explore yourself, you can sleep and love without harming yourself
Bolmont, M., Cacioppo, J. T., &Cacioppo, S.(2014). Love Is in the Gaze An Eye-Tracking Study of Love and Sexual Desire. Psychological science,25(9), 1748-1756.
Cacioppo, S., Couto, B., Bolmont, M.,Sedeno, L., Frum, C., Lewis, J. W.,… & Cacioppo, J. T. (2013). Selective decision-making deficit in love following damage to the anterior insula. Current trends in neurology, 7, 15.
Orloff, J. (2009). Emotional Freedom: Liberate yourself from negative emotions and transform your life. Harmony.
Orloff, J. (2012). Dr. Judith Orloff’s Guide to Intuitive Healing: 5 Steps to Physical, Emotional, and Sexual Wellness. Harmony