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“These violent delights have violent ends

And in their triumph die, like fire and powder Which as they kiss consume.

The sweetest honey is loathsome in his own deliciousness And in the taste confounds the appetite.

“Relationship moved too fast how to fix”

Therefore love moderately.

Long love doth so. Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow.

– Shakespeare  Romeo and Juliet

As Shakespeare says, feelings progress too fast or procrastination is not the best choice, perhaps only those “tepid” love can come to the end.

In fact, different types of feelings have their own advantages and disadvantages, it is difficult to generalize that one feeling will come better and longer than the other. To maintain a good relationship, it is more important to fully understand it, to understand where is the advantage, and what places need to pay more attention to.

So whether you’re new to a new person or choose an old friend, you should know better what your relationship is like. Let’s make a horizontal comparison between the two feelings.

1. Freshness vs. Familiarity

Human instinct is to be curious about the unknown, so for the two people who quickly determine the relationship, a great advantage is enough freshness, two people hate to stick together every day, how not tired.

So the two also do not have to bother to maintain this relationship, each exchange can let oneself know more about Ta, but also brought more than one surprise.

For old friends, familiarity is the best stabilizer.

Because each other has long known the root and bottom, it is difficult to conflict because of small things. Even if the contradiction occurs, it is clear how to solve it properly. Such tacit understanding is completely incomparable to the little couples they have just met.

On the other hand, however, the advantages of both sides become a disadvantage on the other side. For those who quickly determine relationships, the problem is the fit of personality.

The love filter is not likely to continue, the two people’s hormones gradually fade after exposure to the most real each other, the vast majority of feelings thus died in character can not run into.

“Relationship moved too fast how to fix”

This is why this topic arises.

Because the fast encounter between the two characters just very close to the probability is too small, and drag a long time together the character is relatively more and more and shoot some. But is a character co-winner really a great couple?

Studies have shown that people with close personalities tend to be attracted to each other (whether friendship or love), but satisfaction with each other after a relationship is not related to closeness or complementarity.

Speaking of words, personality co-production does not mean that after being together, you will be happier.

For old friends who are finally together, emotional concentration, or lack of freshness, can easily destroy the relationship.

I met the break-up party more than once in the course of the consultation with the reason that “this relationship does not seem to meet their expectations, I did not experience any feeling of love during this period, we still want to be friends.” “People who have known each other for a long time are faced with a naked life at the beginning of their love affair, and it is difficult to have any special events to ignite the restlessness in their hearts.

“Relationship moved too fast how to fix”

Especially for people who are not rich in love experience, in the face of a very familiar person, it is difficult to change tricks to provide more value than friends, resulting in endless feelings.

2. Security vs. Sense of responsibility

Let’s compare the differences in needs between the two sides.

A quickly confirmed relationship requires a lot of security. The two tell the truth and don’t know much about each other, and while they are curious, they are actually constantly giving themselves a sense of security.

Everyone has more or less fear of being abandoned in their hearts, so Ta scum, Ta’s heterosexual friends how many, Ta ordinary people are what kind of? And things like that are often the key to what these people care about.

We have to admit that no matter how tired and crooked in this period in fact there is still a little vigilance in the heart, so there will be girls who will make a boy prove that they love her, boys will try their best to prove that they are a worthy object.

Of course, this is basically every couple to start a relationship through the process, there is nothing bad, just want to tell everyone to provide enough security at the beginning is very important.

On the other hand, we’ve been talking about the needs of couples who have been in a relationship for a long time.

Such a relationship has been divorced from the so-called who pay more in the relationship, how to chat with each other will be better such topics, most people at this stage of the goal is to hope that the other side can be responsible, can have more commitment, can give each other a better life.

I’m not going to talk about what a woman should be like, or what a man should be like. The ultimate goal of a relationship is to form a successful family, and many people who have been together for a long time may jump over the stage of a love affair very quickly and confront the ultimate problem.

When I was in college, there was a couple who had known each other for two years, and they basically didn’t have any conflicts because they were worried about cheating or not loving themselves, but the debate was often about the future development of the city or something about their careers.

Interestingly, the boy is actually a rather shunned person, compared to normal lovers, he is not willing to be too close to his girlfriend, even in my opinion sometimes do not care about her at all.

But although the woman was a little uncomfortable, she never had any quarrel at this point. I think it’s a slow emotional victory, and the vast majority of people who are moving too fast should not be able to continue at this point.

Having said so many questions, how on earth should we deal with these two feelings?

Advice for couples who are quick to determine a relationship:

For a quickly defined relationship, you need to understand the fact that any unequal relationship will not have a good outcome.

If only one party is constantly paying (always buying gifts to accompany), or if one party only knows how to ask (always want someone to accompany, want someone to take care of Ta’s feelings), then the break-up is an inevitable situation.

Keep asking yourself not to say, but I don’t know if you’ve ever thought that the more you give, the less you’ll love each other because you’ve lost value to Ta.

Think about it differently, you think you’ll be surprised if someone asks you to eat with someone else, but if you’re used to this person always inviting you to a big meal, and there are a few days When Ta doesn’t ask for a guest, will you feel speechless?

So there’s nothing wrong with giving, but we have to build on the premise of equality with each other.

On the other hand, it’s appropriate to slow down, don’t cohabit too early! I was young and prosperous, met a girl who felt quite like the monkey rush to move together to live together, the result is a full range of run-in – from character to living habits. In the end, the relationship can be described as violent after three months.

As I quoted Shakespeare at the beginning, the kiss of fire and gunpowder fades away in the proudest moment, and even if you want to live with the other person all the time, you should wait until you have a good understanding of each other’s characters. Contradictions themselves are not terrible, but all of a sudden encounter too many contradictions is often difficult to solve.

Advice for old friends together:

Being very familiar with each other doesn’t mean everything is going well, and you still have the possibility of separation. A good relationship still requires a proper operation.

Take the initiative to create some romantic occasions and prepare for a little surprise on every notable day. In addition to the necessary sense of ritual, you can also learn some new skills, let the other person see your different side, and thus constantly produce a sense of freshness.

Besides, it is to balance life and career. I understand that it is really difficult to maintain freshness, love can not continue, and so gradually plain after a lot of people will be very thoroughly involved in their own career, a little disregard for their partners.

The value of companionship is a very important point in relationships, and not everyone can continue their relationships even when one side resists intimacy, just like my college-couple friends.

I also understand that your efforts in your career are designed to give each other a better future, but a family that doesn’t have any sense of life is not meant to give you more relaxation in your spare time.

Finally, whether the emotional progress is fast or slow, you must remember:

Encounter any contradictions please communicate well, do not escape the problem, do not take the emotion to cause quarrels. Make your thoughts and demands clear, and the difficult problems in your feelings will surely have a compromise solution.

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