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Don’t know why, it seems that many people believe that marriage is a very beautiful thing, especially those who are not married, they always feel that two people married, it is stable, you can fight for a common goal, and then a happy life, a hundred years of good fit.

“21 marriage questions”

However, in fact, if you get married long enough, you’ll understand that the ideal of love, your marriage is very, very little, and sometimes I’m confused – whether it’s a happy marriage or a lot of pandas.

Married people, especially those who have been married for a long time, will know – after marriage life, in fact, with the pre-marriage imagination is very different, even completely different, marriage there are too many indescribable or even unspeakable grievances and pain.

As some say, marriage is full of tolerable evils.

Don’t say happiness, to let everyone in the marriage can minimize some pain, I put the past year or two I mentioned in the article marriage advice, do a summary, I hope to give you a reference. Unmarried readers friends, whether your feelings are “very reasonable” or “nonsense”, you can first collect, now do not understand, you will understand later.

“21 marriage questions”

One, the part about marriage

1. For many men, marriage is about solving the problems of the moment. For many women, marriage is an attempt to solve the problems of the future. That is to say if a man is now very good, excellent ability, income, unlimited prospects, then he will basically be afraid of marriage. The essence of marriage-phobia is to be afraid that you are not willing and feel that you may find something better in the future. Women, on the other hand, want marriage to solve their worries about the future, so they always want to find a man who has everything right now.

2, a woman said to a man, “I can’t see the future with you” meaning, often not because the man does not work hard, not into, but this man now can not earn money. What “can’t see the future” really means not seeing the present.

3, whether it is love or material, whether it is door-to-door or equal strength, whether it is a character or three views, can not guarantee that two people can be happy. Love can guarantee happiness within two or three years, the material can ensure the happiness of life, door-to-door and equal forces can ensure that not being bullied and belittled, character and three views can ensure that the bottom line of harm to each other will not be too cruel, but these can not ensure happiness, or even can not ensure that there will be no divorce. Life happiness and marital happiness are two different things, can ensure that marriage happiness only one thing, called “marriage ideal”, that is, marriage is like a partnership company, you have to figure out what the company’s vision is, what the mission is, otherwise, you find the best team, open the highest wages, with the most enthusiastic interest, can not make a good business. 

“21 marriage questions”

4, love is not happy, then don’t get married. If you think you have a lot of problems with each other, don’t expect you to change him after you get married. The human heart has been formed at a very young age, and the change may be very small. Don’t feel like a saviour, be able to empathize with each other, save each other, you – forget it.

5, if you feel that the other person does not love you enough, don’t think about using to treat him well, get married, have children these ways to tie him up, in fact, if the other person doesn’t love you enough, marriage and children, the final tie is you.

6, for women, if you especially want to get married, especially want to be a housewife, then, that your life has a big problem, you should be wary of this idea. Girls around the age of 28, if not full, career expectations, then basically will be confused and anxious, it is easy to expect to get married to save their current predicament – in such a case, marriage is easy to bear fruit.

7, for boys, if your girlfriend picky you, ask you, hope you change that, hope you have a house has a car or something, please hurry away from her, because she must not love you, this kind of behaviour, no matter from which angle to understand, can not be called love; If you don’t slip away, countless grievances and misery after marriage must be waiting for you.

Second, about the part of married life

8. Marriage is like a dog cage. Anyone who has ever had a dog knows that some dogs look smart, they get into the cage themselves, and then they close the door themselves, thinking it’s safe. But in fact, security in this sense means being tied up – that’s what marriage is all about, when you choose to get married for safety, you lose your freedom for security. It can even be said that you rely on others or rely on marriage this form of security, it will certainly make you “safe and secure”, suspicious.

9, most women marry, they are not married to men, but married to marriage. In other words, men are not so important to them, but marriage is important to them. Marriage, by contrast, is less important to men. What matters to men is women. Therefore, women have to choose a man for marriage, men who choose a woman have to accept marriage – this is the basis of marriage two people simply can not understand each other.

10, marriage infinitely amplifies the human desire, but also infinitely enlarges the human defects and weaknesses. Few people blame their friends, but almost all blame their spouses. The so-called enlargement desire, that is, once people get married, they want to fully possess each other, based on this possessive desire, nothing can be done right; In fact, people, are only a small part of the intersection, marriage but let people think that two people’s lives can connect a lifetime – this is all about the root cause of marital pain.

11. A bad marriage consumes a lot of men’s ideas and enthusiasm but also kills the gentleness and patience of women. If a man is decadent, do not think ahead, please do not worry about him, this may be related to him has a strong, overbearing wife, if a woman is impatient, sensitive, poor temper, please do not rush to blame her, perhaps because he has a very bad husband in all aspects.

12, married life, do not think about who to see, who to control, a lot of pain is so – when you want to see each other, in fact, you are also on the other side of the control. Like prison guards and prisoners, it seems that prisoners are in the custody of the jailer, the prisoner is not free, but in fact, the jailer is worried about the prisoner running away, staring at the prisoner all the time, so in fact, the jailer is also in the custody of the prisoner – in this relationship, no one is relaxed, no one is free.

13, we always think that love and good material life are the guarantees of marital happiness, but the most important marriage is the friendship between husband and wife. Two people can talk, like-minded, this marriage can be happy to go. If two people no longer want to share bittersweet, the marriage began to decline.

14, we always emphasize the marriage of dependence, sweet, close how important, but in fact, in marriage, the right distance, space is the most important. For people, freedom is the most precious, who if they try to suppress each other’s freedom, who is dying.

Three, the part about betrayal

15. Everyone has a gene that cheats, just as everyone has the potential to get cancer. We should understand the dynamics and changes of human nature before marriage or even earlier, do not overestimate human nature, do not rely on a person’s own all if that is the case, one day you encounter betrayal, you will live better than death. So, the wedding vows are best made by “whether it’s poverty or disease, whether it’s … How do I “that set of things, become: from now on, I can bear all the damage you bring me, but also ready for one day you do not love me, whether you hurt my life or destroyed my career, whether you fall in love with others or betrayed me, I am ready to understand you, so, I dare to ask you to marry.

16, not because the marriage is not happy a person will be betrayed of the situation, many marriages look very happy, there is also a situation of betrayal. It can be said that this is a random injury, whether you look at his knowledge or ability, character or character, can not ensure that he will not betray you.

17, if the other side betrayed you, your only way is to endure. But!!! Please be sure to understand the “suffering” here, here, not that you have to endure your pain and anger to continue to be with him, but, you have to endure your greed, endure your love for him, bear your fear of divorce, that is, you have to – bear to cut love.

The part on divorce

18. With the development of society, divorce will eventually become a very common behaviour, and even few people will be spared. Divorce teaches us a truth: if a man cannot be alone, he will pay a heavy and painful price for it.

19, divorce this matter, it does not mean that new pain will come, but it represents a period of pain finally ended. A marriage breaks down because you lose the possibility, and after it breaks down, for better or worse, you get a chance to re-draw.

20, divorce does not mean the failure of marriage, marriage failure is more in a marriage, a person lost vitality, become mediocre, boring, empty boring. Be as quiet and decent as possible when you divorce, especially for couples with children. After divorce, don’t always think about what you’ve lost in this marriage, it’s going to hurt you, and you should think the other way around: what you’ve gained and learned in this marriage. If you don’t get anything and learn nothing, you’re not a failure in your marriage, you’re a failure in your life. Besides, you get nothing in the marriage, what can be nostalgic?

V: Summary

21, whether you are a man or a woman, your most important identity, is a “person”, you this life, are for their own lives. Don’t be greedy. The so-called greed is to hope that others can love you, hope that others can make you happy, hope to get things that do not belong to themselves, hope that they can continue a period of other people do not love their own marriage – this is greed Because you can leave a person who makes you unhappy at any time, you hate him to grit your teeth while thinking about spending the rest of your life with him, this greed and greed you have occupied; In marriage to often answer the “who am I” such a question, you do not know what you are doing all day, every day when suffering from loss, you may be greedy, greedy, crazy three things are occupied. “Live for yourself” sounds like chicken soup, but it is the basic bottom line of life, who trample on this bottom line, then he will have to wait to be trampled on by others’ dignity.

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