The first stage: “suddenly separated not adapted” You know, he is also a person, suddenly separated certainly not adapted ah, this time he will be just as sad, not willing, but this does not mean that he wants to compound, but he needs a little time to adapt to the sudden change of life state. “Carve brother’s recovery tips”: This time, in the recovery, to be particularly careful to become a spare tire, but to accompany him out! The second stage: “The joy of freedom” as mentioned above, when the boys successfully left the previous period of unsatisfactory feelings, especially after repeated tangles and self-torture, finally determined to propose a break-up and regain freedom, and also to get more and other girls may have the opportunity, it is a good tomorrow for themselves, in front of a large forest waiting for their own mining, this time Most of the time he will feel as happy and relaxed as a bird that struggled repeatedly to finally break through his long cage and regain his freedom.
Of course, he will also have some guilt and possibly some guilt, perhaps he will also break up with you shed tears, but most of the time, the sadness and tears of this time are mostly the past of comfort and mourning, in no way to show that he turned his mind.
So, if you try to save him this time, you will become a stumbling block to his new life happiness door and roadblock, he will not because of your infatuation and moved, on the contrary, he will hate you and hate you, of course, you hinder his pursuit of their own happiness on the road he is certainly not happy, the result is that he is likely to be far away from you. The third stage: “Re-search for new joy” after freedom, as a young man, it is actually very difficult not to want women and leave women, this and physiological psychology have a relationship (with a physical reference to the psychological Maslow needs pyramid, physiological needs and love belonging needs are basic human needs), so don’t believe the boys break up when you tell you, “I want a person, do not want to love, will not find girls”, because it is impossible for him to break up, and an excuse to ease your sense of guilt. However, from a large number of cases I have studied, after the break-up of boys often in a short period of time it is difficult to find a very satisfied new girlfriend (note, casual play and so on does not count, I am talking about the satisfied girlfriend, during which some men are likely to be more casual, may also be about some girls). This can be due to two reasons:
“Get ex boyfriend back—-how did you get your ex back after the breakup”
1. And you did not break up, this mountain looked at that mountain high psychology has a saying, although a little vulgar but not unreasonable, called “wife is always someone else’s good”, human nature has jealousy and greed, people will always feel that life is always elsewhere, such a psychological and human nature, so that men in love, always produce other people’s girlfriends better, their girlfriends are not good enough psychology. Or always feel that in addition to their girlfriends like girls outside which are good, also seem to be more suitable for their own. That is to say, when he and you did not break up, often feel that the girls outside are better than you, are more suitable for him, but objective facts are not necessarily so, such as he really broke up, and then more demanding to find a girlfriend’s eyes to look back at the girls who felt good before, most of them will also find these girls on one way or the other problems and shortcomings, will not be satisfied. 2. Boys overestimate their charms. Most boys who have a stable feeling in the situation will produce an overestimation of their own charm mentality. Having a girlfriend who likes himself increases a man’s self-confidence, while stable feelings too much give boys an excessive sense of security, which makes men feel that leaving their current girlfriend is likely to find a better girlfriend and like their own, which seems easy, and even feel that it seems to have a stable relationship with you when any of the girls around him like him, who is secretly in love with him, he himself is very marketable and attractive. But in fact, a lot of times this is boys too narcissistic, really may not have his own thoughts so popular with girls. So here you can draw two conclusions, and the vast majority of boys will find two facts after they break up and when they really start looking for a new suitable long-term partner:
1, it seems to be able to make themselves like and really satisfied with the girls are also very few, before they feel good, now re-examine the long-term relationship or marriage as the goal to re-consider, as if there are many problems.
2, the pursuit of their own before the secret love or ambiguous goddess found that, in fact, it is not smooth, they do not have their own previously thought so attractive. At the same time, before feeling that may like their own, the back may find that the original also did not like themselves so much. So, see here, as a girl to be saved, you can rest assured that some, do not need to be so nervous and panicked because you see you want to save the incense of him, really may not have you think so attractive there is a market, his new emotional path may not be really smooth sailing can be so easy to find the preferred new joy. Is there a possibility that boys are just a short period of guilt to really find a new object they like?
Of course, but don’t be afraid, this is definitely a very small probability, a small probability event, and even if temporarily like, a little longer can also occur a variety of problems.
Phase III: “Empty Loneliness” At the beginning of the interpretation phase one, I mentioned the demand pyramid, which is explained here. According to the demand pyramid model of Maslow, a famous humanist psychologist, human needs can be divided into several levels, including physiological needs, security needs, the needs of love and belonging, and higher levels of respect and self-fulfilling needs. These needs are human nature, we are born as human beings who need to meet their own innate needs. So, through this diagram, we know that in addition to physiological needs (which can be addressed in other ways), there is a key need, “the need for belonging and love”, everyone is born to need, we need love and be loved, we need intimacy and companionship. Therefore, when the second stage of the boy’s attempt to regain a new relationship failed or did not go well, he will be because of the “belonging and love needs” and “physiological needs” of the lack of change in anxiety and anxiety, resulting in a physical and psychological sense of loneliness and emptiness. Or, even if he had all sorts of ways to solve his physical needs after the split, he would be as empty and lonely without addressing the needs of love and emotional belonging.
Stage 4: “Remembering his predecessor” This time, after experiencing the empty loneliness anxiety of the third stage, looking for new joy and frustration, for him, in fact, want to get rid of his anxiety, loneliness and anxiety, the most advantageous and simple way is to reconsider the predecessor, and even compound with her. Of course, at the level of consciousness, he may not really immediately produce the idea of compounding, but the subconscious will drive him to start to miss his predecessor, recall, and even miss his predecessor’s good, to make up for his emptiness and loneliness, the discussion of consciousness and subconscious please refer to my other chapters, some involved, is derived from the psychological psychoanalytical school of view. So this time, he will probably start to miss the past, miss his predecessor, and even begin to regret it. However, the degree of specific miss is less, this will vary from person to person, and he has a relationship with the predecessor, including the former’s practice after the break-up also has a relationship. If you do better, he’ll probably come to you, yes, he’ll come to you on his own initiative, but this time he’s mostly trying on you. So what should you do? Limited space is not detailed here.
Unfortunately, a lot of girls before entering this stage, has already messed up things, because in the consultation I found that many girls are willing to find me, basically is almost to the relationship completely play dead time, she was willing to come to me, so missed a lot of opportunities, unfortunately, lost the opportunity to let him miss you more or put this time later, this time you need to seize the rest of the opportunity.
OK, to this you should know more clearly after the break-up boys will miss girls, and when will miss, and this thought of the whole progress and production process, including for the recovery of the need to pay attention to the place, space is limited, can only taste the end, the recovery of a little must pay attention to, feelings are complex, people are also complex, each relationship is not the same, avoid moving hard sets, specific issues to be specific analysis. “Breaking Up Reason Analysis One”: How do boys get rid of you a lot of times – have you ever had a cold violent breakup? This theme is what I have always wanted to sum up and discuss with you, in the eight years of emotional counselling, the help always heard the girl said “no, in fact, I mentioned the break-up ah” Yes, whenever I am ready to start telling girls how she failed in this relationship, girls always seem to be saying such a “fact”: “I was not dumped, but I dumped that man.” Then, of course, since it is their own party, they do not have to consider what do not contact each other, they can also be generous, at peace of mind and the former contact. Analysis and recognition of objective facts and truths are the basis for successful compounding. It is like a doctor to see a doctor, must really understand what is the problem, it is impossible to headache the head, foot pain doctor feet, but also can not avoid the disease doctor. A lot of bad counselling is to seize the helper’s mind, will not tell the helper the real situation and situation. You know and it’s worth the girls’ attention: a lot of times, although on the surface is indeed your proposed break-up, but you are really forced, yes, you are forced by him to mention the break-up.