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The world’s “love” is divided into many kinds: love, affection, friendship. Friendship can last a long time, affection can last a lifetime, it seems that only love is the most “thin life”. The same is love, why only love can not grow old in vain? How long can love last? Yale psychologists have proved that love lasts a lifetime! Three dimensions predict the shelf life of love Is love “thin life”? Photograph: Adam Martinakis. A 1986 study by Robert Sternberg, a prominent psychologist at Yale University, proved that love can actually last a lifetime, but that it needs to meet the limits of three factors at the same time, and that the intensity of these three dimensions can predict the “shelf life” of love. In this article, we will analyze what kind of love lasts by quoting Robert Sternberg’s theory of love, and provide you with a way to predict the “shelf life” of love by interpreting the literature.

“How long will my relationship last—-3 dimensions keep love fresh” 

Robert Sternberg, a psychologist at Yale University, came up with the famous theory of love, “The Three Causes of Love”, in 1986, which was first published in Psychological Review, the authoritative journal of the APA. The theory was widely cited by later scholars as a definition of love, and as a way to divide the types of love, but one of the original ideas of this theory is actually to explain and analyze the duration of love. 

“How long will my relationship last—-3 dimensions keep love fresh”

Therefore, in this article, we will focus on quoting this document and returning this theory to its original intent. Yale psychologists have proved that love lasts a lifetime! Three Dimensions predict the shelf life of love Robert Sternberg put forward the famous theory of love in 1986 – the three causes of love, published in the authoritative journal Psychological Review. The duration of love is based on three factors: Robert Sternberg argues that the intensity of these three factors determines how long love lasts: love with these three factors is called “perfect love”; according to Robert Sternberg’s 1998 survey, lovers with perfect love enjoy a true love experience that lasts at least 15 years or more. Such lovers can’t imagine anyone else in the world who can replace each other and spend such a long time, they work together gracefully to solve a series of difficulties in life and enjoy every minute and every second with each other. Robert Sternberg points out that the “shelf life” of love can be predicted based on the strength of three factors in the “Three Causes of Love”. Therefore, we will then describe how to apply these three factors to predict the “shelf life” of love. Robert Sternberg’s term “intimacy” refers to intimacy, attachment, and bonding in a relationship. In the development of love, intimacy is not constant, intimacy is related to emotional uncertainty.

“How long will my relationship last—-3 dimensions keep love fresh”

Roger Schank and Robert Abelson, psychology researchers at Yale University, found in 1977 that the more uncertain a relationship is, the more often friction occur, and that intimacy is associated with the frequency of friction (interference), and the more emotional friction there is, the more intimate behaviour and emotions the lover’s exhibit. Therefore, in love, as the familiarity between lovers deepens, the uncertainty in the relationship decreases, the predictability of the other person’s behaviour, emotions, motivation and cognition increases, the frequency of friction and interference will decrease, so the intensity of intimacy will decrease, so the intimacy shown in the lover will be reduced. Based on this finding, Robert Sternberg proposed the concepts of “hidden” and “explicit” intimacy. Explicit intimacy refers to the intimacy that lovers show from their behaviour, such as being tired together all day, and implicit intimacy refers to the attachment and bond that still exists even though there is no intimacy in action. Robert Sternberg found that implicit intimacy is more important in predicting the duration of love than explicit intimacy. Yale psychologists have proved that love lasts a lifetime! Three dimensions predict the shelf life of love The degree of implicit intimacy determines the length of love. The intensity of a successful love’s implicit intimacy continues to increase. From the image above, we can see that the explicit intimacy shows a curve similar to the normal distribution over time, the explicit intimacy will reach its maximum at some point in the love process, after which the explicit intimacy will continue to decrease; Therefore, long-term love is a process of reducing uncertainty and increasing implicit intimacy. Robert Sternberg believes that “passion” refers to the phenomenon of creating romance for a lover, having a physical attraction, maintaining a sexual relationship with a lover, and generating emotional impulses in love and that passion is associated with physical awakening or emotional stimulation; Yale psychologists have proved that love lasts a lifetime! Three dimensions predict the shelf life of love The intensity of passion foreshadows different stages of love. The intensity of the passion experienced is adjusted by a positive, negative drive. Passion decreases as the relationship progresses, and the relationship between passion and time is driven by both positive and negative antagonists. Positive drive means that when you meet or think of a loved one, you can feel a surge of passion almost instantaneously, both physically and mentally. The intensity of this passion increases rapidly, but it fades when it reaches its peak very quickly. Negative drive means that when the positive passion drive no longer increases and stabilizes, the level of passion decreases or becomes habitual. “When passion does not grow again, negative emotions are driven, and people feel emptiness and frustration after the surge of passion, so negative drivers begin to increase.” After the relationship is stable, i.e. the positive drive is stable and the negative drive is enhanced, the overall level of passion decreases gradually. I love breaks down, the passion continues to decrease after falling out of love until it returns to the baseline. The intensity of passion can predict the stage of love, in the early stage of love passion is strong, experienced the peak experience, the intensity of passion will continue to weaken. If the love ends or in a long-term relationship, the total value of passion will return to the baseline state of 0. Therefore, passion is not a necessary condition for long-term love, but the intensity of passion foreshadows the stage of love. Robert Sternberg argues that “responsibility” means commitment and consists of two parts: short-term and long-term. Short-term responsibility refers to the decision to fall in love with a person, and long-term responsibility refers to the commitment to maintain a loving relationship.

Robert Sternberg points out that the promise of love does not mean responsibility for love; Many people who love each other all their lives never even confess or admit that they love each other. In general, however, commitments take precedence over responsibility in time and logic. Robert Sternberg emphasizes that responsibility has a decisive influence on the duration of love and is the foundation on which intimacy and passion last. The relationship of love can begin with commitment and responsibility, and anything in a relationship can be born out of commitment and responsibility. Because intimacy and passion can be awakened by commitment and responsibility, for example, in an intimate relationship with a loved one, we can show that one cannot choose one’s parents and loved ones, but one’s affection with them can last a lifetime and a long time because the intimacy in a relationship stems from a conscious commitment and responsibility to the relationship. Therefore, a strong sense of responsibility can make a feeling last a long time.

In successful long-term love commitment and responsibility strength has not diminished, and the failure of the “thin life” love, love sustained time will be with the weakening of responsibility and the end. Therefore, responsibility is the necessary adjustment and determining factor for long-term love. From the above analysis, we can find that responsibility is the premise and foundation of long-term love, intimacy and passion can be derived from the feelings of responsibility. Unlike intimacy and passion, intimacy and passion can be spontaneous, and responsibility needs to be consciously triggered and persisted in a romantic relationship, which is related to the individual’s level of cognition.

Long-term marriage may be the passion will gradually fade away, many people call the death of passion into the “grave” of marriage, but long-term love passion is not a necessary condition. In fact, the vows of a lifetime can trigger passion and intimacy. Therefore, stick to the promise of a lifetime can let love in the marriage continue to hatch, into a deeper long-term love. If the two feelings are long, it is not towards the twilight. Qin Guan’s “Bridge Fairy” Although love at the beginning, the sense of intimacy is reflected in the twilight of the dynasties, but with the decline of uncertainty in love, the predictability of lovers increased, the explicit intimacy gradually decreased, hidden intimacy deepened in the hearts of the people.

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