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A month of non-contact doesn’t make any relationship light, because a month isn’t enough to get a person out of love inertia. But if your perception of intimacy hasn’t changed, or if your communication style is still the same, it’s going to make your feelings fade. First of all, is the beginning, that is, “the first self-made stage”, love is the hormone head, no matter how the other side to you feel, do not hinder the germination of this love, as long as you like, happy, at any time can reach intracranial orgasm, feel that what the other side does is worth it, just like chasing stars.

“When to leave a relationship quiz—-with former boyfriend break couplet a month, can affection fade?”

Love is much more elegant because this relationship does not need each other to participate at all. And when proposing a break-up is the same, that is, “the second self-mode stage”, this time we will not consider how the party will think, how sad the other side, but just thinking “I am very sad, I am very uncomfortable, I am very wronged, I am very hurt”, even this model will continue until after the break-up. 

As a consultant, I can responsibly tell you what you need! Because the four words “participation together” are not just about the people on both sides, but about the emotions, feelings, needs, and opinions of both sides. What do you mean? Take, for example. You work all day, you come home, you don’t want to say anything, you sit on the couch, brush your cell phone, and your partner is busy cooking in the kitchen, the pungent smell of smoke and peppers from the kitchen open door to the living room, you sneeze, and then tiptoe to close the door, and continue to go back to the sofa to brush the phone decompression. This is the time your partner comes out of the kitchen and sees you brushing your phone, immediately emotionally: “Hey, you say, how do you lie on the couch as soon as you get back?” Can’t you see I’m cooking? Don’t you know how to help? You…” When you hear the first word, you can tell what she wants to say from the tone and tone of his voice, so you’ll automatically block it later. It stops for half a minute, and then you try your best to break free from the couch… We often see this scene in our lives, in general, the one sitting on the sofa is a man, the one in the kitchen is a woman. But, many people don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, because that’s probably what our parents did when we were kids. And the reason for writing that “do your best to break free from the sofa” is the end of the oddity because different lovers in the face of the same scene, the end of the story are not the same. The first ending is: then you do your best to break free from the sofa, charge the phone, smile into the kitchen smell of smoke, hold her, two people for a while, began to cook together. The second ending: then you do your best to break free from the sofa, throw your phone on the sofa next to you, faceless into the kitchen, soon came a quarrel, but soon stopped. The third ending: into the bedroom.

“When to leave a relationship quiz—-with former boyfriend break couplet a month, can affection fade?”

In these three endings, the “participation” of two people is decreasing in turn. The first outcome, two people’s emotions, needs are met, two people will feel that they are seen by each other, so they will have a strong sense of well-being. In the second outcome, two people argue, but at least two people are involved, and part of the demand is to be responded to, and the longer the interval between the two self-pattern stages (the length of time a relationship lasts). Here I want to say is in fact: two people just started to fall in love, is to talk to themselves, after the love period, is really talking to each other, is really began to establish a relationship. That is to say, the biggest difference between the first heart-throb love and intimacy is that love is an emotion, it depends on hormones, it is passion, it is emotion, but intimacy is a relationship, it is a connection. Breaking up is because the connection is broken, and the recovery is the process of re-establishing the connection. Well, the second focus of this article is coming!

First, out of the self, the establishment of a link after the break-up, two people will be in a state of self, and when you want to save each other, if you can realize this point, first of all from this state of self, in the process of getting along with each other consciously to correct the relationship between the two people before the pattern, so that the relationship becomes healthy, comfortable, that compound later will be better than the previous feelings. It’s just that when a lot of people go to save, their consciousness level is to save each other, want to change, but their subconscious or stay in the previous model of coexistence, they have made a lot of efforts, but the ultimate goal is to let two people back to the previous unwell relationship model while ignoring the existence of the other side. So whether they go to pay or not, to do a lot of things for each other is also good, to the side are indifferent, or back and forth, a moment very happy, a while and then noisy. Why? Because first, the other side is also in a state of self.

Second, when he occasionally came out of his hole to see you, he was very wary of you, he was afraid that he would go out and be hurt by you, so he came out to see, and then retracted so many times. He was afraid to leave the hole for too long when he wasn’t sure if it was safe outside

Well, let’s talk below, how exactly is this connection going to be established, how can we see each other? Second, what is linked thinking? If you want to establish a connection, you must first establish a connection thinking. What is linked thinking? Linked thinking corresponds to sorting thinking, the core of linked thinking is love, and the core of sorting thinking is power.

“When to leave a relationship quiz—-with former boyfriend break couplet a month, can affection fade?”

For example, when a lot of people break up and then come to me for advice, I help them analyze the problem, they often say such a sentence: For what you just say my problem, just let me change, with what? Is he all right? (Fightback) He doesn’t know anything about progress, the kids go to school he doesn’t care, it’s all I do… (Complaint) Let me change it unless he does it first… Did you find out? In this kind of thinking, the default two people are high and low difference, if I admit my problem, then I am lower than him, so, “I have no problem”, even if I admit that I have a problem, but also to pull on the other side “he also has a problem, you let him change”, must change, then there must be conditions, “if let me change unless he changes first”. Why are so many people so keen on this power struggle? Because in sorting thinking, all good experiences and feelings are gained from the control of power and discourse in comparison with others. Only those who hold power can meet their needs and be seen.

In the feelings of many people feel that “you do not take the initiative to find me, then I do not take the initiative to find you”, which is actually a sort of thinking, the core is that I can only control power, control each other, to get what I want to get. And what is linked thinking? Yes, two people are not high or low, there is no right or wrong, only different, you do not need to bow to me;

Yes, I am willing to put your needs before my needs, I am willing to be better for you, but I also do not feel humble, I still feel that I deserve to be loved; You can communicate this kind of linked thinking to each other. In particular, to remind: when you take the initiative to find each other to chat, the other side does not respond to you, or with the other side with you venting emotions, reject you, especially remember: do not mobilize their sort of thinking, do not go to the right and wrong and high, do not show a sense of superiority or inferiority. None of this, on equal, emotional stability to communicate with each other. It’s OK to convey the idea of a link.

After the break-up a lot of people to save each other, it is easy to fall into the psychological misunderstanding of overcompensation, for example, the other party put forward any needs are unconditionally satisfied, the other side wants what to give, and even take the initiative to ask the other side, do you want what? In fact, this is also a state of self, because you compensate each other for only two: one is to attract the attention of the other, one is to ease the anxiety of the heart, let oneself feel that you have done a lot, you will be closer to your goal. And it’s all for yourself. But the point is, you give each other more, but if it is not what the other side wants, it is useless, there may be an over-correction. That is to say, sometimes if you get caught up in this over-compensation, it’s actually an irrational state, which makes it easy for the relationship to run away again. And to establish a link, the key is to find effective joint points, with this one by one, two people reckon link. What are these joints? Obviously, it’s about seeing the demand and responding to the demand. How do you see the other person’s emotional needs?

Because a person’s emotions are often the externalization of a strong inner need, is his inner cry, and those abnormal actions can be the result of intense inner struggle and self-repression. Take, for example. For example, if the other person likes cold violence after a quarrel, his needs may be to be seen and not ignored. Well? Use cold violence because you want to be seen? Right! In fact, it is not difficult to understand, for example, when we were young like to play hide-and-seek, what is the purpose of our hiding? I just hope the other person comes to you, right? People, who like to play cold violence have the same heart as when they play hide-and-seek as a child: “You come to me, I am not here, you are not worried?” Don’t you care? “He hides, hoping you’ll find out he’s gone, and then go to him and let him feel the “seen” process again.”

I won’t fight you back because I’m willing to accept your emotions and actions; resonance: I’ve done the same before, and to be honest, I know it’s really bad, and I don’t want to, but I know you really can’t do it, hey, but it’s okay, we’re all the same. Dependence: If you have to encounter such a thing in the future, in fact, you can tell me, I can understand you, you can also, believe me, I am 100% to help you keep secret, in exchange, I can also tell you my secret, let you see me. There are three principles in this process: first, no judgment, no right or wrong;

The difference between marriage and love is that love is a feeling, marriage is a relationship, the maintenance of love depends on hormones, the maintenance of the relationship depends on the link, and the link depends on being seen, accepted, resonant and dependent. Don’t stick to passion, establish a good connection is the key. Breaking up the biggest harm to a person, not wasted a lot of time and energy without results, but not only wasted time and energy, but also feel that they have become a fool. It’s hard for us to accept such a bad self, so, many people break up often into self-doubt and torture, keep looking for the right side of the battle, or even to seamlessly connect the new happiness, just want someone to say to themselves: Don’t be sad, in fact, you are not so bad, in fact, you are very good, you deserve to be loved. But, in fact, you have been loved, but you did not put down the inner uneasiness and anxiety to seriously see and enjoy this love but turned to the pursuit of nihilistic power.

Recommended reading:

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2.How long should you talk to someone before dating

3.How long should you talk to someone before dating-what topics do you talk about on your first date so that you wont be cold and embarrassed

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