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Two situations: emotional breakup and thoughtful breakup.

1. Emotional outbursts The essential reason for this type of break-up, as the name suggests, is that negative emotions accumulate and are constantly suppressed, eventually surpassing the other person’s psychology

It’s understandable why she would choose to break up with you when she’s under pressure because she wants to quickly distance her from the stress you’ve put on her by breaking up with you. Including the usual some communication is not good ah, the pace of life does not match ah, the ability to share is too low, ah, these are easy to cause emotional burst hair break-up consequences, this kind of break-up, and you this person’s own some objective value has nothing to do with, mainly you can not inject positive emotions into each other. So usually this type of break-up will not tear the face, even if the other side proposed to separate but still willing to continue to be friends with you, because your attraction is still there, your value is enough, as long as the other side to solve the emotional psychological pressure, you can save this relationship.

“Breakups hurt—-how to recover the ex girlfriend who has broken up?”

2. Thoughtful break-up and emotional accumulation brought about by the mental pressure is not the same, thoughtful break-up is mostly due to some objective conditions out of the question, let the other person feel that your relationship is not necessary for further development, so she did not want to waste time and energy to continue to maintain, so she proposed a break-up. For example, your personal values or plans do not meet the other person’s psychological expectations. In the early stages of entering an intimate relationship, people will be due to hormone secretion to ignore some objective factors, which is why many couples love period like glue paint, as soon as they enter the run-in period on the sudden one of the reasons. As the passion fades, the neglected reality slowly emerges, and she will unconsciously compare you to the “partner” of her own fantasy, and once you don’t conform to her fantasies, or meet her psychological expectations, she will have a huge sense of falling. Over time, the accumulation of these differences will let her down, she will feel that the relationship with you has no future, so ultimately choose to cut off the relationship with you. Another is here to expand a problem, is a lot of broken friends to come to me, will talk about such a topic, is the break-up of this matter, the other side is thoughtfully put forward, but the break-up of people often feel very sudden. If you have the same situation, then I would like to remind you that you may be caught in “love inertia”. What do you mean? It’s just that you’ve lost your guard against this relationship. As I said before when people are in love, they are bound to go through the initial period of love and the run-in period after, many people will feel that as long as the smooth passage of the run-in, on behalf of this relationship passed the “test”, and then will enter a smooth stage. I’m telling you, wrong, once you let your guard down, you’re in an “inertial relationship” misunderstanding.

“Breakups hurt—-how to recover the ex girlfriend who has broken up?”

He is him you are you, there is no need to contrast. This is in fact a common contradiction in the state of inertial love, that is, one party always wants the other side can do better, the rational return will make her more value the benchmark of their own heart that measure, she will use this to consider you. But accordingly, you have also entered a state of stability, and spend energy to meet each other’s requirements, this stage you will be more focused on the pursuit of personal comfort and interests, there will be a conflict and confrontation between the two sides. This situation for a long time can not be resolved, her negative impression of you will gradually deepen, this time maybe a little bit of a small matter will let her completely burst into a break-up. So a lot of times what you think is sudden is an inevitable accumulation of contradictions. So for these two different types of breakup situations, how to save this relationship?

“Breakups hurt—-how to recover the ex girlfriend who has broken up?” 

1. Positive Emotions and Comfort Injection Since the other person breaks up because they can’t stand the stress of negative emotions, the way to recover is simple: export negative feelings →flow positive emotions→ and foster comfort and dependency. So many friends will say since it is so simple why there are so many people to recover the failure or even be deleted by the other side, black? Two reasons: the early stage did not do a good job of negative emotion guidance, the latter did not correctly use the identity of a friend to say what this means: “A lot of people do not understand the importance of negative emotional guidance, always feel that the other side calm down for a period of time, negative emotions will automatically disappear, in fact, it is impossible, you do not give each other a reasonable channel of venting, how can the other side have room for you to re-inject positive emotions right?” How many people, under the banner of a friend, do boyfriend’s business? Friends will not move to engage in information bombing even the other side’s three meals a day to ask? Friends will return information 24 hours a day for fear that the other side can’t find someone? Will a friend give you every circle of friends to comment on? Over-care is the performance of crossing the border. Even ordinary friends can’t do well, let alone be boyfriends. To sum up, to save the emotional outburst break-up, you only need to do the following two things: 1) rationalization attribution, help her clean up the “junk inventory” about rationalization this matter I have written a lot before, has been concerned about my friends should know that the greatest benefit of rationalization is to make the wrong behaviour as external attribution, to find the other side a reason to vent, and this reason will not hurt both of you. In the process, it’s likely that the other person will say something more emotional because of the mood swings, or doubt your words, such as, “You don’t pester me anymore, we can’t” or “Are you trying to hurt me now?” Is there anything you want? These are actually obvious waste test performance, to prove that your actions are effective, the other side is venting her negative emotions, hold on, maintain the consistency of rationalization, negative emotions vented, the other side will begin to shake. Of course, how to send rationalization information, how to smooth through the waste test these people can look at my previous article, here I do not expand to write, because I really wrote too much before. 2) Grasp the identity of a good friend and strive for an early turn-over

Clinical psychology has always emphasized the notion that emotions are fluid, and when you give the other person what kind of emotion, the other person will give you feedback on what emotion it is. So when communicating with each other as a friend, be sure to convey a positive, positive energy point of view. For example: “I recently went to the gym, after work to activities feel quite cool” “Before you told me that the restaurant I went to eat yesterday, taste really good” “project is over, want to take an annual leave to relax, do you have a fun place to recommend” life status/work sharing/hobbies… These are good topics, do not over-care about each other’s private life, do not talk about emotional issues, put energy into the positive emotional transmission, when the other person’s comfort and dependence improve, she will naturally upgrade your relationship. 2. Value boost plus meet expectations

Second, not to cater to each other ≠ not meet normal expectations, these two concepts and the proportion of which we must understand. Yes, you really do not have to kneel and lick each other, but for intimate relationships, everyone will have normal psychological expectations, if you can not even meet this, then why do you ask each other to compound with you ah, with her has a poverty-relief heart? Concept of things I said so much, I hope we can all ponder clearly if you really want to save, let’s talk about how to do. 1) The inner value plus the external value of the two-pronged value of this piece in fact I do not say a lot of friends also know that before the day-to-day vest pants do not trim the edge, now began to get a hairdressing fitness shirt leather, this is an improvement of the external value; Only when your objective conditions have improved will the other person make a difference to you. People go high water to low flow, who are eager to pursue better, more valuable personnel, your value has risen, do not need you to take the initiative to open, the other side will naturally be attracted to you. 2) To meet expectations is not to say that many men have misunderstandings about girls, think girls like to listen to sweet words, as long as say something nice to cajole each other, she floated, in fact, really is not, especially for the girl who broke up with you, say ten thousand words want to compound, it is better to do a thing to her heart. For example, about the future planning this kind of thing, a large part of the girl’s need for intimacy is the need for companionship and security, she wants a real future, a visible commitment, you can give her to see this future, then she is willing to spend time and energy on your body. So instead of trying to think about what gifts to give to coax her back to her heart, it is better to write a solid plan about your future, such as where to settle, the direction of life planning, some development of work, and so on, these things than you send bouquets, please eat more to impress a girl’s heart. Finally, I would like to say, people in this life who have not been disappointed when ah right, disappointment is not the focus, break up is not, as long as you can correctly handle this emotional crisis, your relationship will even be closed before the hand. There are many ways to recover, but only one belief, do not always feel that the method is not enough in place, many times, is your own heart is not strong enough.

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