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1. Stay independent

Ironically, girls who think “how to make him love me more and more” every day often don’t have a smooth emotional path.

High expectations of feelings, expectations of all times have surprises and freshness, often make feelings overwhelmed. The so-called love is not dead, probably so.

In fact, in my consultations, it’s often filled with voices like, “Why didn’t he be nice to me when he was just together.”

“How to keep a boyfriend—-how to get along with each other to make your boyfriend love you more and more?”

The reason people are “aesthetically tired” stems from a classic psychological concept: sensory adaptation

A large number of psychological studies have found that any external stimulus (whether electric shock or money giving) will eventually be “adapted” (i.e. Unisys feelings).

This is a very scary conclusion because it means:

Any external reward, whether it’s money, promotion, sex or food, can only provide a brief sense of well-being.

In daily life can also be seen everywhere such an experience: the same food for a long time will feel tired, the same music will feel no longer so pleasant to listen to, the same clothes wear for a long time will feel no longer fresh, in love, there is also this “new and tired old” psychology.

So, flatten the mentality, accept and then full of passionate love, there will be slowly fade,

Please accept this objective law.

Please remind yourself that love is, of course, beautiful, you not only have a relationship but also should have your friends, your hobbies, your dreams.

Don’t forget, it was the independent you who attracted him.

“How to keep a boyfriend—-how to get along with each other to make your boyfriend love you more and more?”

2. Learn to communicate

Communication consists of closing and listening, that is

There are problems expressed promptly when you have complaints in your heart, you must take the initiative to tell each other, rather than rely on the so-called blue-faced red face;

Don’t be perfunctory when you need to express your opinions and opinions in areas of concern to the other person.

When the other person is expressing, listen carefully and do not express opposing attitudes.

To give a simple example, when you go shopping, the other side is late or glanced at other girls, your heart is very angry, the other side also felt your emotions. But no matter how the other side asks you you are bitten to death to say nothing, the other side puts down the heart really like nothing you are wronged to cry and blame him do understand you.

Clearly, there are problems but do not communicate expression, one feels not understood, one feels that the other side makes trouble, this is a vicious circle in love.

“How to keep a boyfriend—-how to get along with each other to make your boyfriend love you more and more?”

In addition to having a positive tendency to communicate, but also have intelligent communication methods, the most hurt feelings of communication are probably the following categories:

l Qualitative review: “You bad man and man

l Fuzzy criteria: “You always look like this” “You never paid attention to me”

l Inappropriate analogy: “You look at someone else’s husband”

l Non-black or white choice: “You and your room to live by hand” “I am important or work is important”

For example, the most typical qualitative evaluation case:

My husband said go home for dinner at 8 o’clock and didn’t go home until 10 o’clock.

If the wife’s words are: “Do you know how to go home?” You’re a man without responsibility! ” 

The party who is qualitatively evaluated will be angered by this arbitrary conclusion.

“I don’t have to go to work, I don’t have to feed you?” How to go home late became no sense of responsibility, money did not give you flowers? ”

If you disagree with the other person’s approach, remember to use a way to describe the facts and evaluate the behaviour rather than the individual.

If your partner came home a little late recently, you can say

“Honey, you’ve been home after 10 o’clock for 20 days this month, and I think we’re getting along a little bit.”

Learning to deal with and resolve conflicts is a skill every happy couple should learn.

For this part, it is recommended that you read Dr. Marshall Luxemburg’s Nonviolent Communication.

3. Give recognition

Psychologist William James has said that the deepest human need may be to feel appreciated. Some people in the social needs of the most desire is to be respected and recognized.

According to the classic Maslow demand theory: human needs are promoted in turn, and when basic physiological and security needs are met, the needs that are identified and affirmed in interpersonal interaction take the lead.

The biological properties of men determine their desire to compete more, and recognition and affirmation in their eyes can almost be equated with love itself,

Don’t try your feelings

Feelings can not be tested, but many people do not understand this truth.

You buy a table, always feel that it is not strong, so stack one heavy thing after another on it, until the moment the table is scattered, you look at it coldly and say: Look, it is not durable.

You have a boyfriend, always feel that he does not love you enough, so make one test after another, mention over and over again break up, and finally wait for the feelings to fall apart, you sigh: look, men really can not be trusted.

Many girls like to try again and again in their feelings, mostly because they feel insecure, or because they have a sense of fear.

Fear of their own love will leave them, fear of sweet feelings will slowly fade, fear of their own become unworthy of love.

But in fact, the sense of security in love can only be their own to themselves,

If you are not confident in yourself, feel that breaking up is “abandoned”, no matter what the other person does, this fear will accompany you.

Turning yourself into a “worthy” person is the best way to fight fear.

5. Don’t change each other

No matter how glue-like a couple, the essence is also two independent individuals who grew up in different growth environments, in their own growth process, will have different habits (you love to eat intestinal powder for breakfast, he likes to drink bean juice), as well as different values (you see Hongsan article feel three views, he read Hongsan article feel nonsense)

In love, all this is hidden in the daily kiss me I you don’t me, and once the passion fades, two people into the run-in period, this contradiction will be infinitely magnified.

Here’s one thing to remind yourself:

This person is your choice, enjoy his advantages at the same time, but also accept the other side’s corresponding defects.

The most screwed person in love is often not accepted,

Choose a career-oriented man, and then ask him to take care of the family;

Choose to enter into a period of off-site love, and then constantly go to the other side to emphasize the off-site to make themselves insecure;

Choose a partner who reads countless people, and then look forward to ta pure ignorance.

Hope he is crazy, but also hope that he 孓 not live alone, think of him cold, but also want him to be light and cheap, want him to sunshine, but also want him not to shake.

This “change the other side” of the love pattern, the result is often to let both sides physically and mentally exhausted, and finally the end.

The character has both positive and opposite sides, masculist overbearing men are somewhat masculist, young lovely girls are somewhat overbearing, you are also mortal, can not only enjoy the dividends of character, do not accept its flawed side.

Compromise with each other and accept each other’s imperfections.

6. Give him space

Even intimate lovers need their own space.

Together for a long time, no matter how much love, there will be want to be alone, love is very beautiful, but it is only a part of life, we also have a career, hobbies, friends and many other identities need to play.

In the past emotional counselling, has seen too many “anxiety-type attachment personality” students, will not be willing to give each other space, love into bundling and oppression.

In yesterday’s consultation, a girl repeated this:

“He wasn’t like that at first, he must not have loved me anymore.”

“I don’t know why, every relationship is like this, as long as she doesn’t return my message, I think she’s with another woman.”

Anxiety attachment often has the following characteristics:

Suffering from loss, get the brain to make up for all kinds of lost scenes, with the way of possession to express and understand love;

Strong sense of dependence, want to keep in touch with lovers, want to know where ta is, what is doing, with whom;

Sensitive and suspicious, always feel that the other side do not love themselves enough, a word did not say right is easy hysteria;

Like to test feelings, serious or even accustomed to a conflict on the break-up, but the purpose is not to break up but to enjoy the other side to retain their own panic look;

Accustomed to sacrifice-style pay, but this kind of pay is often self-moved, but not let the other side recognize.

Anxiety is essentially a fear: fear of being abandoned.

This fear leads to loss and control in love, which makes the other person feel more stressed, leading to emotional grooming and even break-up.

7. Intermittent reinforcement

Intermittent reinforcement refers to a method of reinforcing behaviour that occurs occasionally or intermittently, not every time.

Psychologist Skinner has done an experiment in which three cats are locked in three different devices, the first one will have cat food at the touch of a button, the second will give the cat food at will after touching it, and the third will not give the cat food no matter how it touches.

After a certain amount of domestication, guess which cat touches the button the most frequently.

The second one!

In feelings, nothing is more surprising than this randomness.

Don’t talk to ta every day, look for ta appointments every week, so you’ll be the first cat.

Whether it’s a man or a woman, love contains a hint of control, allowing ta to see what’s possible, but not every keystroke is bound to get positive feedback.

Even Kinsha sings in The Magic of Love: Not every date, you ask me to show up;

Killing in the invisible is not Pavlov’s dog ah friends, is a tangled cat scratching ah!

Of course, this kind of thing can only come five or six times once a time, you use more people will feel that you are neurotic and you are anxious eyes.

PS: Actually, Skinner’s experiment used mice…

8. High-quality sex life

Sex is a good lubricant, with this layer of lubricant, a lot of trivial conflicts will be diluted,

According to a 2002 survey on divorce, about one-third of divorces are mainly due to sexual disharmony, a figure that is likely to be higher now.

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