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The beginning of every relationship never loves to love, must be the process of increasing energy. Similarly, a relationship from love to letting go is the process of decreasing energy. At this moment your feelings are declared over, but that does not mean that the love for you completely disappeared, even if the feelings remain a little, you have a chance to pull the momentum.

“How men deal with breakups—-how can my boyfriend be saved if he wants to break up completely?”

The remaining emotional concentration is a fixed value, want to recover must not do subtracting, if you do not solve the problem in the case of a die-hard, compound, then will only accelerate the consumption of your emotional concentration, until the fixed value of 0, but also when he completely away from you. So to recover must be to do addition, the most important thing is to understand why he does not love you, you are not any misunderstanding. Solve your contradictions first, then the fixed value continues to increase, then the recovery has been half successful.

First, why did he make up his mind not to love you again?

Love is mutual, before we talk about this topic, let’s talk, why do you love him? Because he is handsome because he is forward-looking because he is very good in all aspects because he intentionally or unintentionally acts warm you. All in all, he’s attractive and gives you value.

The other side is good, which means that he has more choice if you want to recover, you have to look at yourself, you are with him, what value can you provide him? What are your strengths to beat your competitors? In fact, it is to find their own once attracted to each other’s flashpoint.

Now, why doesn’t he love you? Because the flashpoints that attract him to you disappear, your shortcomings slowly reveal and even mask your strengths in the process of getting along; All these make him do not want to love you, do not want to love you, these questions make him can not see your future, full of confusion and panic

If you want to save him, find the flash that attracts him and prove that the problems between you can be solved, and give him the confidence to rethink your relationship, then you will have hope of redeeming yourself.

“How men deal with breakups—-how can my boyfriend be saved if he wants to break up completely?”

Don’t tangle with each other at this moment put the harsh words, love a person or not is not with language to prove, but with action. Love and not love are reversible, you can attract him once can attract him a second time, so be patient, don’t lose heart, don’t give up, give each other a little time.

Second, the characteristics of psychological change after the break-up of boys

1. He may be waiting to see if you can change

“Why did I send him a message and he didn’t reply?” “Why did I promise him I’d change, he just didn’t believe it?” The initial break-up means that his dissatisfaction with you is at its maximum, so a negative impression is not a problem, how can it give you a good face?

And people are used to maintaining the behaviour of the same, the break-up has been said, then break-up will have a break-up look if continue to respond passionately to appear to be a contradiction. Even if the old feelings still exist to reply to you, he is afraid of mistakenly thinking that gave you a chance, you continue to pester him. I’m afraid you won’t take these issues seriously, and I’m afraid you won’t be able to realize the seriousness of the problem.

So in the early part of the break-up do not make commitments and guarantees, which will make the other side feel that you are quick to benefit, with no sincerity. A lot of people in the break-up moment panic, break-up a second before the emotional domination and the other side quarrel, unreasonable and strong. When the other side heard the word “break up”, suddenly panicked, immediately by reason pulled back. In a blink of an eye began to beg “I’m sorry I really recognize the mistake, I promise I will change, don’t break up good?” Give me another chance to trust me, okay? “Then ask yourself, if he really forgives you this time, will you change?”

The answer must not be, people are lucky psychology, “not to the Yellow River heart does not die”, the guarantee at this time is also sincere, but only forced by the situation to say, if he really turned back, then once said words will be thrown behind, will not deeply reflect on growth.

“How men deal with breakups—-how can my boyfriend be saved if he wants to break up completely?”

In fact, before the break-up, the other side must have silently given a lot of opportunities, but they do not say, silently give the opportunity, silently wait and see. This is because we have been communicating culture for thousands of years, encountering problems do not want to open the skylight to say bright words, all like to hide. Then the break-up must be several times to wait and see fruitless results of despair, he will also give you a big label “deadness does not change.” So, you want to try to prove that you can change at the moment the other person breaks up, how can he trust you? Do you believe in yourself? I don’t believe it anyway.

The guarantee of language is pale and weak, so in a different way of thinking, he showed indifference and indifference, ignoring your crying two up and down, but also to help you make up your mind to change. Of course, if you haven’t changed, you’re just going to die, and it’s going to make him feel like you’re really not fit to be together, and it’s going to make him more determined to break up. Because being with you like this is more painful than losing you.

Break-up is not the end of the relationship, but also a test and opportunity, so even if the break-up is not too pessimistic, seize this opportunity to find and solve the problems between you, only in this way to make the relationship more stable, go further.

2. You made him feel very guilty

Recovery can manifest loss and pain, and no one can be rational until you have complete control over your emotions, unless you are an artificial intelligence robot. There are emotions understandable, but to adjust in time, you continue to show their pain in the process of recovery, are time and time again to remind him that his behaviour hurt you;

Proper guilt can make the other side soft, as long as you are really in love, there is no deep hatred, then your sadness and sadness will certainly make him guilty. Even if he breaks up, he wants you to be safe and happy to continue your life. But you continue to show pain, like an alarm clock that regularly reminds him every day, “You hurt me, and you laugh at it”, your people are like a victim, reminding him that he is a vicious person, you cry in front of him to show hysteria, pain, which is the opposite of what he thought, then he will be more disappointed in you, even want to escape you this artificial intelligence alarm clock.

3, after the break-up of your sprinkling, will let him believe it is true

We all know that after the break-up of the circle of friends is very important, the circle of friends to do a good job can effectively alleviate the negative impression of the other side of you, the main content of the circle of friends is also based on positive energy. But many people grasp the bad positive energy, in the end, refers to what, in the circle of friends to show some eating, drinking and playing, happy, spill, without your old lady still live very happy state, but this operation not only can not alleviate the negative feelings of the other side but also let him mistakenly think you really put down or mistakenly think you do not value this relationship.

This and after the break-up, he in the circle of friends all kinds of eating, drinking and playing, the happy state makes it difficult to hurt the heart. Then you think you respect each other’s choices directly disconnected, and then a few days later to contact each other, found that he is no longer willing to reply to you, or even contact information is no longer. So in the social software to show the dynamic can not have a happy or sad mood, happy will make the other side feel that you really put down, sad will make the other side feel that you will continue to pester him, stimulate other defensive psychology.

Third, the predecessor wants you to save him so

1, to save the early display of the real self

Just break up when you can properly apologize and recover, brush the sense of existence, let him know you love him, but don’t be more than twice, don’t cry two or three hanging, don’t blame each other, the other side is not willing to compound also don’t ask, learn to think differently feel the same way, otherwise, it will cause the other side’s disgust, pay attention to the attitude and tone of speech, don’t blame each other, don’t put all the problems to yourself, otherwise you will let the other side feel that it is your problem, and you break up the right decision.

Save the early, in front of common friends, the sad on the sad, the pain on the pain, do not cover up, but do not spit him. Also, in front of him do not show negative emotions, do not pester him, take good care of his guilt, only in this way will leave room for later recovery.

But when you and the predecessor said to accept the break-up, in front of the common friend will begin to converge their negative emotions, to do the same words and deeds, to get him and the common friend’s good feelings, otherwise, you cry too much, the predecessor is not bored, the common friend is impatient first, then will also increase the difficulty of recovery, the common friend’s ear wind is also very important, do not look down on any person around.

2, seize the “can also be friends” of the life-saving straw

The above mentioned that you just broke up when you can make two apologies and recovery, but I am very responsible to tell you that your current apology and recovery are useless, because at this time he has negative psychology, what you say and what he will not believe, will not change you, but your non-entanglement will let the other side put down their preparation for you, this time you propose to continue to be friends, the other side will not be excluded.

If you keep in touch with him after the break-up, ask for compounding, it will show your high sense of need. Of course, in intimate relationships, the sense of need is for everyone, but a high sense of demand can lead to the other person ignoring your actual value and attractiveness, but also make him feel that he is of high value, feel that you do not deserve him, and then fall into a passive position, more detrimental to recovery. So we have to learn to reduce their sense of needs from friends, through the “friend” this identity name is right to contact, not only will not expose a high sense of demand can also reduce the other side’s alertness.

Don’t worry about showing your love in the chat process, don’t contact him frequently, find his place, start from ordinary friends, contact once every three to five, say something, say something, say retreat, don’t say good morning, good night, don’t express concern, at this time your concern and greetings to him is also a problem.

Don’t think that he promised to be friends on everything, he is mostly looking at the previous emotional basis of the concessions made, to retain each other’s face, although promised to be friends with you, you still have a negative impression, so now to give each other the right time to think and excessive, so that you can not take emotions to communicate, your communication will be more effective. If too anxious will only make the wrong action, let him hate, and ultimately even friends can not do.

Only seize the “can also be friends” this life-saving straw, through communication between friends to constantly build their own image, show their own changes, so that your recovery will do more with less.

Friendship reminder: find their own positioning, you have broken up, do not take the status of a girlfriend, limit each other’s freedom. I received a student before, after breaking up, boys offered to be friends, the result of girls still to girlfriends, every morning and evening greetings and care, not allowed boys and other girls to chat, but also put forward a variety of requests, the result of boys began impatience, feel that they offered to be friends to give each other hope, then no longer respond to any information from girls, the result of girls still do not repent, but also to ask boys why not reply to themselves, and even forced boys to delete all contact information, forced themselves to the road, Constantly eliminate each other’s emotional basis, increasing the difficulty of recovery. If there is a thunderbolt, pure coincidence, this opposite textbook hope you do not imitate!

3, accept yourself, accept objective facts

Love or not is always a variable and is reversible in most cases. Although now you break up, there is no need to tangle his love or not love you. Know that no matter what your current relationship is, he loved you before, and you have a flash in your body that appeals to him, just because something went wrong between you that caused him to leave you.

So don’t drill the tip of the horn, consider whether he still loves you, you break up not because you are not good enough, just because you get along with the process of problems, you temporarily have no ability to solve it, to give yourself confidence, no ability to learnability, no problem to solve the problem to find a way to solve, as long as these problems really solve then he has no reason to break up, will rethink your relationship.

4, to solve the emotional problems

The previous operation is done, then the next need to use 99% of the energy to eliminate emotional problems.

Do you often quarrel? Do you often make unreasonable noises? Is it often mentioned to break up during quarrels? Finally quarrelling between your feelings on the light, the other side really agreed to break up. This time if you only carried out the shape transformation, then is also doing useless work, even if the recovery success, later will still have quarrels, or will face a break-up again. Because your main problem is the communication mode, get along with the wrong mode, do not understand each other’s psychology, your recovery direction is wrong. Know that recovery is not just about getting him back, it’s about mending your relationship.

Change after the break-up is crucial, but change can not float on the surface, to dig into deep-seated problems, do not know how to dig the girl can take out paper and pen, write down your emotional experience, including the frequency of quarrels between you, the reasons for quarrels, how to make good after quarrels, as well as value matching, emotional process of investment ratio, early, love you are because of what attracts him, love, later because of what makes him no longer love you … It’s all written out. Then from the perspective of a bystander, delve into your story like a novel, so you can find out what the problem is.

Of course, after analysis you will certainly find that the break-up is not caused by you alone, he also has a problem, but now we are on the recovery side, so we can only change themselves first, and so on to get him in hand and then go step by step to guide him.

Thousands of miles of mention collapsed in the ant nest, even if your previous emotional base is very strong, but also can not resist the consumption of trivial things in life. Lack of love experience, love emotional security is not high is normal, no one is born to fall in love but can not take love emotional security low as a shield to constantly avoid problems, to learn to find out where to fill the missing, where will not make up, actively learn the way of getting along with the sexes, only after such compound can avoid repeating the same mistakes.

You can compare the following article, the number of 9 reasons for breaking up, see the corresponding solution 

5, cast its good to enhance the value

Always remember that any relationship is valued first, cruel reality, but that’s the way it is. Family, friendship, love are essentially interpersonal relationships, how others treat you depends on your own value, if your value is high, then others will naturally value you;

Everyone’s criteria for judging value are different, for example, you have a high face value but general ability to work, then for those who value reproduction, your value will be high, but for those who value survival, your value will be very low, so if you want to recover, then your promotion should also be focused.

For example, you break up because you are not the high-minded or poor body, the recovery process of the circle of friends show is eating, drinking and playing, or the reason for the break-up is not concerned about their image is a workaholic, the recovery process of the circle of friends to show a variety of work, a state of self-interest; Self-improvement needs to medicine the disease, in a limited time to improve their own value, but promotion can not be limited to the surface, can not blindly ascend, do not become a formal kneeling lick.

Don’t think to go to the gym a few times, friends in the sun busy work, the other side will turn back, we have to do is to change themselves in essence, improve themselves. You can also learn a specialty while changing yourself, adding points to yourself, adding to your mystery and freshness, changing your external image, trying other styles of dress to shine before each other’s eyes, and making a walk-and-go trip with friends to show your life. These acts are not only to save him but also to save themselves, increase their investment, only their own kindness to yourself, then others will be kind to you, to be willing to invest in their own, to know that the sense of security is their own to give, only you are good enough, will not suffer.

Also, you have to give the other person a can and you go down the hope, he will remove the defensive mind, willing to accept you again. The generation of love and the disappearance and their own value is closely related, the production of love is also attracted by each other’s survival value and reproduction value, if you do not change any change or change direction of the wrong situation to contact each other are doing ineffective points reduction operation.

If you’ve really changed and haven’t received positive feedback from the other person after a while, then you’ve got the wrong direction to redeem, so don’t worry and sit back and think about what’s wrong. Don’t think about breaking the jar, you’ll end up screwing up everything and losing your last chance to recover.

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