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Regarding the improvement of emotional security, I believe you have seen enough of the words “whatever” into “listen to you”, “I can’t” into “I can try” and so on, and have heard enough of the “pay more” and “share more” and so on. I’ll tell you the truth, these so-called high-emotional words learn without ahead, and you’ll find that you’ll never remember and remember that it’s hard to use. So to give fish is better than to give fish, the key is to find out the essence of improving emotional security.

The body begins. The improvement of emotional security is divided into four parts: understanding one’s emotions, managing one’s own emotions, recognizing the emotions of others, and affecting the emotions of others. 1, know their emotions. Many people mistakenly think that under any circumstances to suppress their emotions is the performance of high emotional security, in fact, it is just stoicism and patience. One’s awareness and awareness of one’s own emotions is the beginning of emotional disintegration. To this day, most people still have the misconception that it’s easy to recognize their emotions because the general emotional responses are obvious, such as joy, anger, sadness, it seems that these emotions give people a very intuitive feeling, so some people will think that his understanding of these emotions is enough. But being able to feel emotions doesn’t mean that we really know our emotions, and we usually feel emotions, often through someone else’s external expression of the emotions he’s expressing, or the emotions we want to express, all of which have obvious characteristics. And there are many of the same emotions that are quietly affecting our behaviour and judgment.

“Practice social skills—-how to grow into a person with high EQ”

I believe a lot of people have this experience, they have experienced a thing or a word will be surprised why they do so, will be very upset and regretful, this is because the scene at that time your emotions quietly played a role. The key to awareness of one’s own emotions is to recognize the inner thoughts and psychological tendencies, to monitor one’s own emotions, to establish an alarm system and prejudging ability, to turn this silent effect into the emotional changes within the scope of their own monitoring. So the first step in first recognizing your emotions is to label your emotions, to clarify the sense of boundaries between emotions and emotions, to distinguish between emotions, not always just feel bad. To have many emotional concepts, the University of California research team divided emotions into 27 categories: admiration, worship, aesthetic appreciation, entertainment, anger, anxiety, awe, embarrassment, boredom, calmness, confusion, contempt, longing, disappointment, disgust, empathy, excitement, jealousy, excitement, interest, happiness, nostalgia, pride, relief, romance, sadness, satisfaction, desire, surprise, sympathy, and victory. The second step in understanding your emotions is to have the concept of emotional gradings, such as dividing anger into 1-5 levels and being able to make a clear judgment.

“Practice social skills—-how to grow into a person with high EQ”

This is a relatively difficult process because most people simply can’t do introspection, and they will say that I’m angry because xxxxxxxx. It is not difficult to find a relatively suitable reason for yourself, it is difficult to broaden their horizons, increase their insight, widely accept different views. The most important thing about a person’s growth is two aspects, one is to grow up on the road of self-summation, the other is to constantly learn the practice of others.

2, manage your emotions. I stress once again the misconception that emotional management is not about suppressing or removing emotions, but about adjusting the way emotions are expressed based on perceived emotions. And the word managing emotions, which sounds very tall, is really just a generalization of the way we deal with our emotions, like eating, shopping, playing games, and breathing deeply. The key to managing emotions is to have a relatively sound management mechanism and a relatively rational way of expressing emotions. The first step is to slow down. Because our physiological habit is to express emotions immediately. Innate animal attributes determine our nature, and this expression is often savage and irrational, when things will hit people, throw things, verbal abuse, these acts are the result of the immediate expression. And this society for people’s requirements and constraints are emotions to be processed before they can be expressed, which requires a process that requires us to give the brain a little time. So when you have intense emotions, you may want to deliberately slow yourself down, or simply do nothing. The second step in managing emotions is to talk to yourself. This kind of communication is also a lot of people are not used to, but once you get used to this style, you will find yourself opening a new door, outsiders can also remind and advise you, but only you are the most solution to their own people.

“Practice social skills—-how to grow into a person with high EQ”

The third step in managing emotions is to learn better ways to express them. Whether it is reading, watching TV dramas, communicating with people, in fact, are learning channels, but more people are not life observers and learners, in the face of these will unconsciously filter out these ways of reaching. We look at these two pictures, Secretary Dakang expressed his anger and deterrent eyes, Kangxi Emperor, played by Chen Daoming in the Kangxi Dynasty, angrily denounced the expression of the group of courtiers. Although it is different ways, but are advanced expressions, we have to deliberately learn these methods.

3. Recognize the emotions of others. Many people are ignorant, ignorant in their neither know each other’s emotional state and do not understand what others are expressing, only live in their own world. So we say that other people don’t see or don’t see the occasion, and can’t talk, in fact, in large part because this person doesn’t recognize other people’s emotions. Usually, people express their emotions positively but control their emotional level, such as when I am particularly angry, I pretend to be less angry. The difficulty in the cognition of other people’s emotions is that many people will deliberately hide their emotions and completely do not see what the other person’s emotions are, such as this:

Invite the other side to dinner, the other side said more busy, after two days to talk about it, and then you went to invite after two days, he said two days later, you went to invite him after two days, then I can only say that your brain was crowded by the door. This reading and language understanding ability is we can be through the daily conversation kind of deliberately improved. The second step in recognizing other people’s emotions is to improve the ability to be in common. Understand what the other person is expressing, do not necessarily understand why he would think so, may not understand why he would have such feelings. The ability to socialize, that is, the ability to understand each other’s emotions, which plays a very important role in interpersonal communication, helps us to jump out of our own circles to enter each other’s thinking patterns to experience each other’s emotions. For example, the other side said he felt very sad things, but you laughed out, did not feel anything, in this case, you will make the other side feel very disgusted. And the key to the ability to have more close people, to share their lives and feelings with those close to them, will gradually become familiar with the non-my mode of thinking in the data exchange. The third step in recognizing other people’s emotions is to learn to observe language outside of language. For example, body language, a person’s arms crossed in the chest, then he may not be very concerned about this matter. If a man’s eyes are erratic and he is not concentrated here, he may have something else in his heart. A man left in a hurry after the conversation, indicating that the conversation was not very important to him and did not go deep into his heart. A subconscious slur that says you’re not satisfied with what you’re saying. These techniques flood into a big grab, but the core is to pay attention to their own observation, only their own experience perceived is useful to you.

4, affect the mood of others. To tell you the truth: our emotions are actually influenced by others and manipulated by others. It is no exaggeration to say that every big gimmick is a very high emotional security person, and very good at observing and manipulating each other’s emotions. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a TED talk, and every time I see it, I feel like I’ve been brought into the speaker’s rhythm unknowingly, and no matter what they say, I feel the same way.

Your situation? Many people know that the tour group to the special pit, but after each trip will still buy a lot of things under the guide’s gimmick, this is the terrible thing of emotional control ability. Of course, we say that the emotions that affect others are more used in the right way, such as employee management, business negotiations, product sales, and so on. The first step in affecting other people’s emotions is to keep yourself close to others. You can recall that high school, junior high school, give you the most impressive students. We will find that those who are well-liked and active people will impress us and that they will affect our emotions, and many of the things they say will now be heard. And those who are close heart is difficult to get close to others, such people often can not affect the mood of others. So to be a social person, easy to be accepted by others, you can affect others, lonely and closed people will often be kept away

Regularly practicing writing can improve your ability in this area very much, so I suggest that you have any ideas to write it down, in the record of the process can accumulate knowledge, but also exercise their ability to express. The third step is to manipulate the other person’s emotions. I can responsibly tell you that this is the highest level of emotional security. If you can influence other people’s emotions as you please, your emotional well-being is already at a very high level. How about, so does it feel like this paragraph to take a good look at. But I also want to tell you, this is not separate learning, not a can say out of the skill, but the previous content of the comprehensive use, only can recognize and manage their own emotions, and then aware of each other’s emotions, on this basis close to others, the use express your ideas in a way that will affect the other person.

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