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At the beginning of the article, I want to ask you, how old were you when you first saw adult videotapes or adult literature?

I was probably in the second grade of elementary school. I found adult novels that parents had collected from their students and secretly took them to their rooms to read them.

“Girls masturbating—-should women be ashamed to masturbate”

Then I shared the experience with other girls, who were always excited and a little shy, “You know it too early,” they said, or, “Did you know what you were looking at?”

Of course, I know what I’m looking at, and I’ve seen the most open and massive secrets of humanity.

I never thought I knew it too early. I remember the naughty little boys in the class started talking about something that wasn’t obscure, with a proud expression and then sat down with the girls’ curious eyes.

And the girls always seemed to know nothing about it. None of the girls around me seemed to understand the adult content at the time, or looked shy when they realized they were talking about “those things”.

I can’t tell if they really know nothing, whether they think these topics are too dirty, or whether, like me, I somehow feel like I shouldn’t poke the boy’s self-righteous bubble.

It seems that sex, the most open secret of mankind, should be in the hands of men and discussed by men.

“Girls masturbating—-should women be ashamed to masturbate”

Do girls masturbate?

Then I’d like to ask a few questions.

How many colloquialisms, other words, or popular words can you think of about masturbation? How many buzzwords about male masturbation? How many buzzwords about female masturbation?

I can easily think of more than five buzzwords used to describe male masturbation. But used to describe the female masturbation buzzword, I thought for a long time, but also asked a lot of people, we gather a summary, a total of one or two.

Only what is often discussed will have a widely accepted nickname. People are struggling to get out of the age of masturbation, people are beginning to admit that they have masturbated, people are starting to talk about masturbation – but it’s more about male masturbation.

Or, like all sexually related topics, masturbation is left to men to discuss.

So women just don’t talk about it? Or are they really not masturbating much? In 2015, 64.5 percent of Chinese 18-61-year-olds surveyed admitted to masturbating, while only 22.6 percent of women admitted to masturbating, according to Prof. Pan.

In a French survey, 90 percent of men admitted to masturbating in 2012, compared with 95 percent in 2017 and 64 percent and 74 percent of women.

And regardless of the degree of openness to a sexual discussion between cultures, data from both countries show that the number of women is much smaller than that of men. In a country that has not yet been widely accepted in masturbation culture, the gap between the number of men and women who have had, or have admitted, masturbating is even greater.

Why is this happening?

Women’s sex,

deprived of sex

Wilde wrote in his handwritten letter, “Everything in the world is about sex, except sex itself.” Sex is about power. (Everything in this world is about sex, except sex. Sex is out of power.) “He wrote this sentence with great joy and seemed complacent about spreading such a blood-wracking fallacy, but it was not entirely unreasonable.

Sex is about power. In a patriarchal society, men have all-around power over women, and in this relationship, sex has a “right template”. In this template, sexual intercourse is male-dominated, and the beginning of a sexual relationship begins with his interest and ends with his satisfaction, and her orgasm is his creation, even as an accessory to his sexuality.

Before marrying this man, women must tightly wrap their bodies, their skin can not be seen by other men, can not enter the clan hall, to their normal physiological phenomena (menstruation, etc.) shame.

In a patriarchal society, women are deprived of sex.

A “good” woman, should wait for a man to give her sex. A “good” woman, should keep her “chastity” and “innocence” like a flower, waiting for the man to teach her to bloom. A “good” woman should know nothing about sex, and she should be grateful to men because of her joy in sex, all by him.

When people agree that women’s orgasms need to be worn by men, women’s autonomy in sex is completely denied. In the scene about sex, there is only one form of orgasm in women;

In this value, women exist only as breeders of offspring and as cathartic objects of male desire. Being held hostage by such values makes it difficult for women to have the idea of “pleasing themselves”.

In fact, she doesn’t know what to do

Do female orgasms have to be male?

Of course not. Some anatomical knowledge: 89% of women’s orgasms are provided by the clitoris. Traditional heterosexual sexual intercourse is only one of how female sexual pleasure is formed. A woman’s special physiological structure makes it desirable to please her partner.

These can be found directly on Wikipedia and Baidu Encyclouser (search for Encyclous “clitoris” or the term Clitoris). But in the more than a decade that I’ve worked tirelessly to get to know the girls who are about to enter the sex world, no girl says she’s ever been aware of them.

On the contrary, patriarchy knows this better than they do. In some areas, the practice of circumcision of women still exists, and they cut off a girl’s genitals when she was young, reducing or even erasing her sexual pleasure to “keep her chastity”.

It can be said that patriarchy has reached a heinous level of control over women. They know how women can be happier, but they don’t allow them to be happy. They artificially altered her physical structure, calling her body a disgrace, but asking her to maintain functions for male pleasure and male reproduction.

This puts women in a strangely contradictory position: they are vaguely afraid of their bodies and shy about understanding them. They sometimes offer it as a mysterious Buddha, and sometimes they think it’s a bargaining chip that can be used to exchange resources with men.

But neither the Buddha nor the chips, her body is not her own. She did not know her body, was not allowed to know her body, did not dare to understand her body, she avoided her desires, fear of being accused of being a “slut”, fear of what she had done wrong, will lead to the loss of her “chastity” and “dignity”.

So for many women who don’t know their bodies, even if they want to please themselves, they don’t know what to do.

the mysterious power of masturbation

Studies have shown that proper masturbation is beneficial to women’s reproductive health and can also promote sexual satisfaction between partners. Masturbation is very natural, very normal, and even beneficial to physical and mental health as long as it is not in the state of morbid indulgence.

Masturbation also gives women a sense of empowerment. An academic study of American women confirms this. The researchers asked the women surveyed to assess how they felt after masturbating, and most women believed that masturbation experiences made them more productive sexual experiences, more confident in their bodies, and increased their sense of control and satisfaction in sex.

In previous studies, researchers have found that women’s concerns about masturbation can be caused by, for example, shame, and the thought of masturbation as selfish behaviour. This is your body, why should you be ashamed to touch it? Selfishness is even more insecure, this is your body, how to touch it is your freedom.

As long as it is not in the degree of morbid indulgence, whether it is male masturbation or female masturbation, this behaviour is very natural, very normal, and even beneficial to physical and mental health.

You don’t have to be ashamed to be happy alone. Besides, how can people who can’t give themselves joy create more joy with others?

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