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Say the right thing, save, to establish two points, and then seize two points: 1, build wisdom: this allows you to avoid analysis of mistakes, miss time while avoiding mistakes; 2, steady mentality: this allows you to meet the challenge, do not suffer from loss; 3, seize the weakness of human nature: this allows you to take advantage of organic! 4, seize the character characteristics: this lets you have some hair!

“Couples who broke up and got back together—-How to get back together after breaking up”

Here are five things I’ll look at:

– Did the compound succeed? Your compound may be fake – fake compound! After the break-up, experienced all kinds of hardships to save the predecessor, and then finally succeeded in compounding, to save the predecessor. But I have to tell you – your compound may be fake! It’s a fake compound! This composite way often to the surface of the compound as the first goal, to save only the surface of the relationship, rather than the loss of the heart, the vast majority, will soon be divided again! Although saved through my method, but is a false compound, did not translate into a true sex

Profound original theory: fake compound Many people have mentioned false break-up, then I put forward a concept, called: fake compound.

Yes, there are many ways of compounding, some rely on the use of each other’s heart soft composite, some rely on their own insistence compound, some because of each other’s regret compound, different compound ways, in fact, directly determine the emotional quality after the compound, and whether it will be broken up again. In many cases, the superficial composite is not a “true compound” but rather a “false compound”. Let’s take a look at the differences between the different compounds: True nature composite: often to the other side to actively ask you to compound as a performance, the other side really realize your value. False compound: often in the way you actively ask each other to compound, or the other side slightly show regret you promised compound, the other side is not really aware of your precious.

“Couples who broke up and got back together—-How to get back together after breaking up”

1. Composites cannot be moved and prayed for, because they are not based on your attractiveness, and there will be many more problems afterwards.

2. Compounding requires testing the other person’s sincerity to avoid being spared and breaking up again.

3. Before compounding to let the other party experience the pain of losing you, you need to punish the other side to your abandonment, so that after compounding he will cherish

4. Composite should be based on full re-trust and acceptance between the two parties, the fundamental issues resolved and the equality of the two. Therefore, we must be clear that what we want is a true compound, and not beg for mercy and charity, otherwise, this compound will not last! Second, stabilize the state of mind: to restore to stabilize the state of mind, be careful of the “emotional drowning” state, be careful of their own hands screwed up back! Counselling often receives some questions and confusion from the helper about the recovery, such as: “What if you break up and the other person looks determined?” I went to the other side, but the other side refused to communicate how to do it? Haven’t been in touch for a long time, the other side doesn’t seem to want to go back how to do? And so on, and so on.

1, “drowning state” I believe we all know, in reality, what kind of drowning people are the state and reaction? Yes, are by instinct in the water indiscriminate struggle, a strong desire for life so that they can not give up, but this time drowning people have actually completely lost their rational thinking, do not know how to really help themselves out of trouble. Even in the eyes of others, drowning people only need limbs to relax their stomachs up may they will float on their own, in fact, maybe very simple. But for drowning people do not have this ability to think, or they dare not try, in the drowning state, the strong thirst for life, so that they dare not do anything, because in the inherent thinking of human nature do nothing often means giving up. So to get a chance to survive, the subconscious of drowning people or their constant struggle, but the result? often sink deeper.

And the “emotional drowning” state refers to: “When we are in a relationship or the process of recovery into some difficulties and despair, to repair feelings and recover the compound has a strong desire, this strong sense of need let our subconscious tell us that we must continue to act, we must constantly toss so that it is in the effort.” But the fact is that at this time the parties have lost the ability to think rationally, just like drowning people, most of their actions and actions are based on instinctive subconscious reactions, rather than rational planning for purpose and effect. The result is naturally predictable, and it will make your feelings and recovery worse and worse.

“Couples who broke up and got back together—-How to get back together after breaking up”

3, the recovery failed, because I did too much should not do from my many years of experience in emotional counselling, a lot of recoveries failed, in fact, is not that we did not do anything, more because do too many things should not have done a fight to crash the psychological chaos of the action is leading you to recover the failure. Those when you are in an “emotional drowning” state, with instinctive responses and the final key factors. Therefore, as we deal with emotional problems and recovery, we must maintain a certain degree of vigilance, to see if the current self is already in this terrible “emotional drowning” state? Because once in this state, every action you take may not have been done rationally (of course, you, at the time, could have felt that all your actions were justified, but most of them were no longer objectively logical). It’s likely that the more you do, the worse the result (think of drowning people pouncing on them, the faster you struggle to sink?). )。 Take a look at some of the characteristics of the “emotional drowning” state to see if you are in a state of threat: “Uninterrupted pain, beset by powerful negative emotions, pain is very.” Extreme sense of despair, extreme pessimism, feeling hopelessness. Constantly confused, don’t know what to do, don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong. Maybe toss and toss, see each other may be in case you make up.

When you are faced with a relationship, or in the process of recovery, there is the above mentality, basically you are already in this “emotional drowning” state, you need to act carefully.

to solve the problem. At such times, a temporary pause in active exploration of the problem may play a key role in solving the problem, and this pause is a brewing effect. Yes, yes, when you’re in an “emotional drowning” state, if you don’t have a helper or professional psychology teacher you can trust, your wisest choice is to do nothing for the time being. Of course, at this point, there may be readers who will feel disappointed: brother, originally you just told us not to do anything ah, so simple ah. Yes, but it’s not easy. Anyone who has had a recovery should know how hard it is to control yourself and not act indiscriminately when you’re in this drowning state. And the temporary pause, do not act indiscriminately, does not mean a negative give up, is precisely to avoid their most likely to make mistakes, when the mood slowly calmed down some, perhaps will find new opportunities and turnaround. My consultation also confirmed this point, a lot of helpers to find me, in fact, has experienced that kind of drowning state, and has been in the drowning state by instinct to do all kinds of wrong actions, then, the result will naturally make it more difficult to recover. On the other hand, those who can find me in time before drowning, or smooth through the drowning state of the help, to recover the time plan to hold more initiative and get more opportunities. So, do you understand? First look at the current self, is not deep in the “emotional drowning” state, if the answer is yes, hurry to let yourself stop, such as you are very confused, do not know how to do is right, around and do not understand the people guide you, then good drink experience today said “brewing effect”, first don’t let things get worse, and then slowly strive for a turnaround.

Third, grasp the weakness of human nature: to recover to use human nature, human weakness is what? What is human nature? Human nature is a common characteristic of the man. For example greed, laziness, selfishness, possessiveness, conquest, jealousy, eagerness to succeed, quick success and so on. We are born with these commonalities, yes, anyone has, so don’t say your boyfriend, your girlfriend is the exception, human nature is human nature, without exception (at least for us ordinary people, there are).

There are many weaknesses in human nature, and here’s one of them, and how to exploit it. One of the weaknesses of human nature: we prefer those who don’t get and lose. And in the recovery, we are often to take advantage of this characteristic of human nature. So, as a practicing psychotherapist, I’ll start with some psychology and say: Why do we prefer people who don’t?

1, psychology Van Buren effect: the more expensive the buy psychology there is a well-known effect called the “Van Burren effect”, which refers to the degree of consumer demand for a commodity because of its high list price, the more people want to buy him.

The same is true of intimacy in love, many girls are in good condition and excellent, with their boyfriend getting better and better, boyfriend is more and more do not love themselves or even cheat. There are boys to pursue their own time, they do not take care of boys, boys are very hard, together, they are more involved in boys, boys are not as good as before, and so on, are related to this effect. The fewer people you get, the better you feel, the less love you get, the more you feel true love.

2, mindset: difficult to get equal to better this is also a person’s mindset: will be the product of a good or bad and price of the subconsciously linked, think that the more expensive the better. In a love relationship, it’s the same, a truth. The easier it is to get it, the less good people subconsciously feel. The harder it is to get it, the more attractive and good people will find the other person. Therefore, there is that sentence: life is always elsewhere. There is that sentence: wives are good for others. Why is a wife good for someone else? Because I can’t get it. less than something. One characteristic of desire is that the pursuit is not satisfied. The less we get, the more we can stimulate our desire to get, possession, stimulate our desire to conquer.

3, sunk cost: the more investment more like in the pursuit of people who can not get at the same time, we will invest and pay more, think about it, in your secret love of a person, in your pursuit of a personal God, that kind of suffering and loss, restless feeling, is not their own constantly carrying out spiritual investment? Psychology has a “sinking cost” concept, which refers to those that have occurred in the non-recoverable expenses, such as time, money, energy and so on. After the experiment found that people for the loss of pain is much greater than happiness, so people will pay more for the loss of more intentions, more reluctant, more cherished. Similarly, in an intimate relationship, when the other person likes you more, the more he will pay, which means that the less you pay the sunken cost, the less you will despise the other person, the less you take the other person seriously because you will never lose the anxiety, worry and sadness, after all, you have not paid anything.

4, the principle of minimum interest: the less interested party holds more initiative and dominance psychologically there is a “minimum.”

The principle of interest “can also explain this truth, that is, the less interested party in the relationship holds more initiative and dominance.” This is an interesting psychological effect, that is, in intimate relationships, the less interested the party, the easier it is to be liked by the other party. As a result, when the other side shows not enough like us, or even say not to get, on the contrary, we will be more interested in the other side. This principle is also often applied in love techniques. 

5, psychological “marginal utility decreasing effect”: the better for the other side, the less cherished psychology has a concept called “marginal utility decreasing effect”, simply understand is, to a thirsty person a glass of water, he will super stimulate you, this is the snow to send carbon. But his thirst for water after drinking is gradually decreasing, and when he is not thirsty at all, you continue to give him water to drink, and he will feel uncomfortable and uncomfortable.

And those who do not get, naturally do not have this confusion, they are a little good to them, will be cherished and magnified. As Madon said: Life is hard, even a little sweet enough. Feelings are the same, the less easy to get, from his good, you will cherish more.

6, the difference effect: the more different the more like people will be more interested in different things and people, such as a group of lively boys, there is a quiet cool, but more will attract the attention of girls. This is the difference effect, attracted by people who are different. This is more obvious for some of the better conditions of boys and girls, many excellent men and women have not been short of suitors. Some too many people are good to themselves and who are kind to themselves.

7, the reverse psychology: the less I get, the more I want to get the inverse effect: refers to the audience because of a certain original position, the influence of mindset, and produce the opposite of the spreader’s communication intentions of the psychological inclination. The less I get, the more I’m rejected, the more I want it. This is to stimulate reverse psychology, the more frustrated the braver, the more rejected the more feel that the other side is the right person, is the person they most want. Many poignant love stories also stem from this, such as Romeo and Juliet, two people precisely because of family opposition, produced a great deal of anti-psychology, but more feel love each other. This is also the source of the famous effects of psychology: the Romeo and Juliet effects.

Many times in the recovery of love, I believe that many people have a similar experience, when you want to save him, bitterly begging, maybe despised and disdain, when one day you put down, perhaps the other side instead of to contact you. The more human nature is like this, the less you get, the more it inspires the base of human nature, and the more you want to get it

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