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He contacted me voluntarily after not contacting me, but why did I feel a little hard talking to him? ”

“What on earth do I say after the re-link so that he can talk to me about compounding?”

Have you ever thought about these two questions or have you ever encountered them?

“Couples who broke up and got back together—-After breaking up, how to get back in touch?”

About the break-up does not contact this matter, the Internet a large search, do not contact the rhythm, do not contact when the mentality adjustment, do not contact after self-action assistance and so on, as long as you want to see, the casual search will appear hundreds of articles for your reference, but the introduction of the complex is very few, some even a few words around.

But there is no re-link, do not contact this action actually does not have any meaning, because you can not say that just do not contact, broken, the feelings to save it, it is impossible.

The center of gravity of recovery is bound to be placed on the re-linking body. The other person is in what kind of state of mind with you, she and you re-link what is the purpose, you need to give what kind of response in the re-link to regain this relationship, this is what I want to talk about about about to you today.

So here’s how I’ll explain it differently depending on the complex situation, and the composition of each part is divided into about three parts:

1. What the other person is talking to you about after the re-link

2. This content corresponds to his mental state

3. How to deal with this state of mind/how to save the relationship

“Couples who broke up and got back together—-After breaking up, how to get back in touch?”

You can take a seat on the number, according to their current actual situation to find their own part to learn, of course, I hope you should pay attention to flexible use because everyone’s emotional situation is not the same, do not move hard sets. All right, the body starts.

I. Play hard to get

| chat content:

After the re-link always take the initiative to chat with you, “Good morning and good night to eat why”, before the love you carried out on him the flow of the account greeting, now turned into him to ask you

Did you hear that you’ve been in love lately? “How’s it going, haven’t you made a man/girlfriend yet?” When you ask him what he wants to say, he’ll most likely say, “Friends, care.”

More concerned about the current state of your life, and sometimes even let you have the illusion of each other or your partner, such as “yesterday so late where did you go” “see your circle of friends go out to dinner with people, who ah, male and female?”

In the process of chatting with you, mood swings are relatively large, the last second is still talking to you about what you ate today, the next second became “good night / early sleep / say it again”

| corresponding status:

If the other person and you in the process of reconnpayment of these conditions note that in fact, his heart is already redefining your relationship. What do you mean? It’s that he’s actually thinking about whether to compound things with you now.

But why doesn’t he say that even when you want to have a clear relationship, you take a step back and live as a friend? There are two reasons:

The core issues have not yet been resolved

This question is not the cause of your break-up, but the reason why it really affects the intimacy that is unsustainable and sustainable. Many people in this aspect of feelings are not so permeable, the focus is relatively shallow, so will feel that two people broke up when a particularly big quarrel, that quarrel is the key contradiction affecting feelings, in fact, this is not the case.

“Couples who broke up and got back together—-After breaking up, how to get back in touch?”

2. Personal values are not yet in line with each other’s expectations

If there is no big contradiction between you, communication is also very smooth, two people communicate very comfortably, about some of the previous quarrels are now also settled, in this case, the other side is not willing to compound with you, you have to consider whether their own value can not meet the other side’s psychological expectations, or can not meet his future planning a standard.

We say that entering into an intimate relationship is actually like signing a contract, for both sides will have a certain degree of constraints, so why is the other side willing to accept such constraints? Quite simply, get more than you pay.

In fact, people are essentially “exquisite self-interest” tendency, everyone wants to get good, better, so you just let him feel that you are valuable and your value is beyond his imagination, then he will choose you.

| solution:

The problem is found, and the solution is actually found.

1. Find out the core problem and break it

Think back to how you got along with your partner and think about what’s wrong with you, such as:

Two people before often quarrel violently or continue the cold war, that is, communication mechanism problems, it is recommended to learn speaking skills and emotional control;

Or the other side feel that you can not feel safe here, then you have to start from the other side’s native family, find the essential reasons for his insecurity, according to his personality type to take appropriate recovery measures and so on,

Solve this core problem and let him know that compounding with you is a process of advanced relationship and that he will naturally compound with you if he doesn’t repeat the same mistakes.

2. Enhance the personal value

As I said earlier, the other side is not satisfied with your existing value, how to do, value-added. Of course, maybe you’re curious about what personal value means, and I’ll tell you it’s simple:

Material value – ability to work and financial strength; emotional value – the love you give to each other; emotional value – can make the other person happy; sexual value – good shape and physique.

Each of these values is the pinnacle is really difficult for strong people, but you have to choose at least two or more to further improve, I do not care whether you show work achievements or show how deeply you love her, in short, you need to work hard in these areas, only in this way, you are qualified to talk about recovery.

Don’t always feel that you don’t need to pay to save don’t need to invest, if you have this “white” mentality then I suggest you still count, you can’t save, don’t waste time.

Second, broken wire type

Chat:

Chat is always a ride, you say a topic he also returned, but always “hmm” ah “good”, relatively perfunctory

Occasionally take the initiative to talk to you some before, “I remember before we always go to the Sichuan restaurant is particularly delicious”, but when you respond warmly, he will say “nothing suddenly thought, I’m going to be busy”, immediately pour you a basin of cold water

Sometimes need your help, “in a hurry”, after helping will be polite thanks, only online thanks, you want to ask him to eat, the other side immediately disappeared

Corresponding status:

If the other side in the re-linking process is the above situation, it is mostly that he really see you as a friend, at least emotionally he is very calm and self-contained, he will not talk to you too much about emotional issues, will not interfere with your private life, because he feels that you are not suitable to talk about this kind of relationship.

At this time he generally has two mentalities:

1. Being a friend is more appropriate than being a lover

First of all, there must certainly be no conflict of principles between you, otherwise, the other party will not agree to continue to maintain a friendly relationship with you. So why does he think friends are better suited to your current relationship than lovers? Mostly it’s the value issue I mentioned above.

It’s comfortable and sustainable to talk to you, but your value isn’t enough to escalate your relationship, it’s not enough to impress him to re-establish an intimate connection with you. 

2. Treat you as a spare tire

This should be well understood, that is, after breaking up with you temporarily no better contact object, may be out of loneliness, boredom or before the emotional inertia ah for various reasons, you as a spare tire at this stage, once the higher sense of the value of the object appears, the other side will not hesitate to turn away. So the fact that the spare tire is, in the final analysis, not worth it in place.

Solution ideas:

Whether you are a friend or as a spare tire, you want to break through this emotional barrier, emotional upgrading, enhance the value is imperative, the specific operation can refer to the above part of what I said, here I will not repeat.

The only thing to give you a wake-up call is that there is such a part of the person, he took you as a spare tire, at first did not think to give you the possibility of turning right. Do you know what I mean? He just wants to have a physical “spare baby relationship” with you. I think you have to think carefully about this situation, do you want to save the relationship, there is no need for this.

Third, sudden attack type

“Couples who broke up and got back together—-After breaking up, how to get back in touch?”

Chat:

Don’t contact for a long time, suddenly find you to chat, how’s it been lately, haven’t seen you well for a long time?

Chatting suddenly disappeared, every ten and a half days and a half months and back online, and as if nothing had happened, continue to talk to you about some irrelevant itchy topics

When you ask the other side why suddenly contact you, the other side will most likely return to “nothing ah, casual chat” “How to break up can not contact?” ”

Corresponding status:

First of all, this type of complex is different from the first two cases, it usually occurs after two people break up for a long time, and the other side actively re-join you. Of course, you may have started your new life by this time. This situation can actually be divided into two states:

1. The tide of effort, there is no compound tendency

The other side may not want to compound with you, purely suddenly thought of you such a person’s existence, so want to know how well you are now, after all, you have had a relationship before, people, boring when the tide of effort, is also very normal.

2. Emotional frustration, rekindling compound desire

Contrary to the tide of effort, the other party and you may have experienced other feelings after breaking up, but not smooth, or has been single, has not been able to find a better another half, began to miss your previous good, this time he chose to re-join with you, in fact, want to have this desire to compound this will.

But a long period of non-contact, including some self-esteem feelings, his inspection and testing of you and so on, may make him unable to speak out.

Solution ideas:

This type of solution is relatively simple because the initiative is completely in your hands, after all, has been separated for some time, you may have a new life, there maybe you do not want to save the situation.

But if you also want to give each other a chance to start over, I suggest you start by laying the floor in your comfort zone. Why is that? Because there is actually an experience between you that is out of touch, how much two people have changed is actually a process that requires understanding.

So in this process, you can first build the comfort zone, such as the chat process to pass him some positive emotions, ah, and then the daily circle of friends can let him know more about your current life status quo ah, etc., is equivalent to slowly cultivate his dependence and trust in you, plus his own for the past a beautiful nostalgia, the compound also succeeded.

Everyone wants their love to be happy, but love is the ability to make each other love you. So, don’t always feel in the recovery, you have to think more about him feel that the success of identifying each other’s subtext, can let you take a lot of detours.

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