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Over time, “you gradually become speechless.”

Just with a person together, you always seem to have endless words, chat for three days and three nights feel not enough, the other side is like a magic hat, put your hand in countless surprises are waiting for you.

However, over time, the more familiar the other side, the less unknown parts, each other’s freshness will diminish.

Before and the other side will go out to dress up a good, even clothes in front of the mirror to change several sets, eat, always eat a little full. And now, plain face to the sky hair three days do not wash to see each other will not feel shy, eat when wolfing down like a refugee, farting loose ordinary.

“How long do relationship breaks last—-Why two people together for a long time, will feel more and more boring”


You are gradually becoming speechless. Previously hate to stick together 24 hours a day, now even in the same room, but also do their own.

Why have two people been together for so long and the days are getting more and more boring?

▍ dimensions can be split into two dimensions because of the uninteresting relationship between two people? 3 psychological reasons

The so-called boredom, there are three dimensions, one is self-extension slower, two is less satisfaction, three is less passion.

When we’re talking about feeling material in a relationship, it’s often one of the three dimensions that have a problem, causing problems with the other dimensions.

“How long do relationship breaks last—-Why two people together for a long time, will feel more and more boring”

1. Self-extension slows down

According to the core idea of the self-extension model of human motivation, partnerships that expand our interests, skills, and experiences can attract us. The novel activities, the development of new talents and the obtaining of new ideas and ideas are all in sexual satisfaction.

And that’s why two people are so happy when they first fall in love. When two separate individuals start together, there is a feeling that life is extended and that you can share each other’s life experiences and ideas. There are very few parts of you that intersect.

Each share is to expand the breadth and depth of your life, you know the other side grew up from a single-parent family, understand the single-parent family is not easy, you listen to him say his career, so know what the job content of the profession is, the other side took you to your favourite coffee shop for afternoon tea, this shop before you never know, can not imagine the environment so good. After watching the movie, you cry, only think the film is touching, the other side tells you who the director of the film is, where there are logical loopholes …

By the time you get to know each other better, self-extension tends to slow down, and most of your life experiences overlap, intersect more and more, and the extension parts get smaller, when many people feel that two people together are starting to get a little dull.

2. Reduced satisfaction

In any kind of interpersonal relationship: love, affection, friendship have rewards and prices. Interdependence theory holds that we seek to get the most value from people at the lowest cost, and we only maintain intimacy with partners who provide sufficient benefits.

Two people together when the reward is both emotional and material, emotional can be romantic, happy feelings, the material can be Valentine’s Day gifts from the other side. The price is the material and emotional cost of the relationship.

Our satisfaction in an intimate relationship is actually determined by the difference between the outcome of the interaction and the level of comparison. The so-called level of comparison is the value of the results we think we should get in our interactions with others.

In intimate relationships, you will find that as we give more, the demands and expectations of the other person increase. Just together, the other side to help you carry a bag will feel that he is really considerate, the other side for you to cook a meal will think she is really virtuous.

And two people have been together for a long time. You’ll take it for granted that the other person will help you carry a bag, and you want him to remember every meaningful day you have. The other side for you to make a meal also began to get used to, in addition to this, the best laundry and washing dishes and mopeds are better organized.

Also, after two people have been together for a long time, the expression of goodwill and love between each other will be reduced by half. People no longer try to “please” each other, so that the other side feels considerate, romantic, happy. Instead, it wasted a lot of opportunities to express your love like the other person by “staying together for so long, it’s not necessary.”

When we on the one hand in improving the requirements of the partner, take the other person’s pay as a matter of course, on the other hand, but also stingy to pay, omit the opportunity to express considerate, caring, intimate relationship satisfaction is getting lower and lower.

“How long do relationship breaks last—-Why two people together for a long time, will feel more and more boring”

3. Less passion

The main reason we feel romantic in an intimate relationship is due to three factors: fantasy, novelty, and awakening.

And these three factors will decline and fade over time.

The Coolidge effect comes from a story about U.S. President Calvin. When Coolidge once visited a chicken farm with his wife, Mrs. Coolidge noticed lying on the hen one after another, and President Coolidge thought for a moment and said, That’s more than one hen.

The frequency of sexual intercourse is often one of the indicators of passion in intimate relationships, and in a survey of sexual behaviour in the United States and Germany, it can be seen that the average frequency of sexual intercourse between husband and wife continues to decrease time during the marriage. However, changing partners increase their frequency of sexual intercourse.

We can understand that romance and intimacy are mutually exclusive. The longer two people stay together, the closer they become, and the less romance they can feel.

Lovers in love are often dry wood fire, several times a day is no problem. However, as the longer the relationship takes, the more male desire begins to decline and the frequency of sexual intercourse decreases, which gradually becomes a task.

Many women don’t think it’s a big deal that sex isn’t so frequent, but in fact, sex can maintain or even promote passions between couples to some extent.

Economics explains the diminishing marginal utility. When you and the other person together for a long time, the other side of a kiss has been unable to make you blush heartbeat, the other side of some intimate actions are not worth your diary. The happiness that the mind and senses can feel will fade and become tasteless, just like milk with water.

▍”looks a little desperate. “Is there no way?”

It seems a little desperate, and any intimacy seems to become dull, boring, and boring over time. However, there are ways we can make relationships a little more interesting.

Get out of the “comfort zone” of intimacy

In intimate relationships, many people will love as a “set of ways”, daily activities into a fixed project: the weekend to go to the movies, anniversaries to eat good, restaurants are fixed, the route is fixed, even kisses, hugs have become a pattern.

Two people repeatedly do the same activities, easy without effort, just do what they know each other on it, mistakenly think that is “security.” Staying in your comfort zone for a long time will make each other feel like they’re standing where they are and stopping.

However, many of the “surprises” and “surprises” in intimate relationships come from outside the comfort zone. Two people small to change a new restaurant to eat, big to try fresh activities, will give each other a growing sense of richness, enrichment.

Make it a daily task to please the other person

Together for a long time lovers, in front of each other is often very casual, all kinds of festivals can but. Previously will be to please each other and seriously dress up, ready to surprise, now do not make the other side angry is very polite, but also talk about what please?

Think about what you do to make the other person happy, then do a little thing every day to make the other person feel happy and happy. This requirement is not high. Making a cup of tea for the other person, or giving each other a massage, is a very simple thing, but will make the partner feel loved and considerate happiness in getting along.

And when your partner feels your pleasure, according to the principle of reciprocity, will also be more considerate of you in daily life, to “reward” your efforts.

Pleasure creates a virtuous circle in intimacy.

Improve your partner’s “sexual attractiveness”

Sexual attraction, as the name suggests, is the attraction to heterosexual couples, so that the opposite sex (usually the opposite sex mainly) produces love, stimulates the other person’s libido, the desire to fall in love. Studies have shown that the longer a woman’s “sexual” attraction lasts, the more attractive she becomes, the more harmonious the sexual relationship becomes, and the more stable her family becomes.

For partners, have seen each other face to the sky, no brushing their teeth, no washing their faces, farting hiccups, the other side’s “sexual attraction” is also weakening. But there are still some wake-up techniques to improve your partner’s “sexual attraction.”

Create an atmosphere.

We’ll have a heart-tinging feeling in some of the more romantic scenes. By jumping out of everyday chores and occasionally candlelit dinners, the two have a drink of red wine together, which can also give people a sense of their partner’s heart.

Improve your personal image.

For those who have been in love for a long time and have been married for a long time and no longer take care of themselves, it is a kind of self-abandonment in an intimate relationship. No matter how long you spend together, you still need to manage and control yourself, not only as a respect for your partner but also as a basic requirement for yourself.

Peak law refers to people’s experience of a thing, can only remember the experience at the peak and the end, and in the process of good and bad experience of the proportion, good and bad experience of the length of time, almost no impact on memory. And here the “peak” and “end” in fact this is called the “critical moment MOT”.

Feelings in intimacy also follow the law of peak and end, and when we recall an intimate relationship, we are often able to remember not the daily debris, but the experiences that make us feel “heart-thratic”, “moments of happiness”, and the end of the intimate relationship.

Love is not continuous, on the contrary, love is the countless feel of the “heart” of the moment plus daily trivial composition.

When we feel that the day crossed the more boring, in fact, “heart” for a long time did not appear, can feel only trivial life. Love needs a “heart- and heart-tinging” moment, this “heart-tinging” moment is the long-lasting pacemaker of love.

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