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Boring is not boring, see how you define it.

If it’s bland or boring, it’s going to be boring. Not only boys but girls are boring.

Then the sensational feelings for a long time will become dull.

So the essence of the question is to talk about “how to run an intimate relationship for a long time”.

“How long do relationship breaks last—-Is it really boring for boys to fall in love for a long time”

One, boring, plain, unsummoned?

A fan once asked me for help:

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years.

At first, he was too good for me to be wronged a little.

But as time passed, I found that he had not begun to be enthusiastic.

He no longer stays up late with me to catch up with my favourite TV series and doesn’t prepare my bed-time story every day.

Sometimes I talk to him and he snores, and the most excessive thing is that he runs to play games and hangs me out when I get angry.

Isn’t he boring? Don’t you think I’m good enough? Don’t you love it?

See here, you may find that this is not an example. You may even have had similar doubts.

Did you meet the scum man? Empathy doesn’t fall in love so fast? Is love really so vulnerable?

Of course, he still loves you, but your intimacy is transitioning from the coexistence phase to the counter-dependent phase.

That’s why you feel left out. That’s all.

“How long do relationship breaks last—-Is it really boring for boys to fall in love for a long time”

 

Second, the intimate relationship in the “boring” illusion, what is going on?

Psychologically, mature intimacy typically goes through four stages:

Four stages of intimacy

The first stage: coexistence

This is what we mean by the period of love.

Both sides are driven by freshness, constantly “exploring each other”, passionate.

Every moment wants to be boring together, the emotional concentration continues to rise.

Second stage: anti-dependence (counterdependent)

After the love period, the emotion gradually becomes stable.

At least one of them will need more free time to do what they want to do.

The other side will feel left out or even forgotten.

But as long as you don’t rely too much on each other, know how to adjust the sense of falling, it won’t be long before you go into a separate state.

If it goes well, the next two people will form a new way of getting along and get along longer.

Stage 3: Independence

This is a continuation of the second phase.

There is always a sense of alienation when the more sensible party is unable to fully participate in an intimate relationship.

They have a stronger need for freedom and this distance, and they continue to strengthen.

Stage 4: Symbance

At this stage, new ways of getting along have taken shape, and most of the love has been transformed/sublimated into affection.

You support each other and work together to create your own life.

It is not difficult to see that in the case above, the girl is in the second stage.

Of course, it’s not that you don’t love, it’s just that the other side starts to need more time and space to do their own thing.

But geese, this natural blandness, but bias is always very easy to be misinterpreted as “boring, do not love, or change of heart.”

Especially sensitive girls.

Well, yes, there is no shortage of young men who are equally sensitive or even lacking in love.

So if you can look at intimacy scientifically, be rational about the common phenomena in relationships.

There will be no artificial amplification of this “psychological difference”, it will no longer be troubled by this.

“Who doesn’t have a story in their heart, just learns to control it”?

Third, if “boring” is inevitable, then what should be done?

Yes, I understand your mood too well.

Do you see here, even if a little relieved, but still can’t help but panic?

Even if you know that being “boring” doesn’t mean “not loving,” you can’t help but worry about your relationship going wrong, right?

Hold you first. And then, here’s what I’m trying to say.

If you want a healthy intimacy, you must be yourself first.

That is, grasp the personal boundaries, do not give your emotions to the other side, trust him, let him be responsible for you.

That’s the big premise of keeping your feelings going for a long time.

Give you a few suggestions, you can ❤️ likes and favourites, in case you encounter similar problems later, you can also take a look:

1. Increase emotional concentration by maintaining individual boundaries and maintaining appropriate distances

This refers to “keeping your distance” and not the realistic distance that separates you from him physically.

Not to incite you to deliberately alienate your other half, to attract his attention.

“How long do relationship breaks last—-Is it really boring for boys to fall in love for a long time”

I mean, you can make room for each other to fill in the void in your intimate relationship.

You have to take responsibility for your emotions, do your own thing, you have to be softer and more comfortable with the ease with which you get along, and you have to have your own social circle, and of course, you allow him to have his own social circle so that you can be equal.

It’s not hard, honey.

Two mature people are eligible for a good relationship, so don’t make excuses for your habitual dependence.

I know you may be afraid that if he is not by your side, he will like others, you may be afraid that he will not accompany you to meet a better person, and even you may be afraid that his company at this moment is perfunctory.

But remember:

These fears are not real, you imagine.

So you can be much happier if you give up your inner fear.

If you have no power in your heart, if you feel insecure, you will not be happy even if he gives you perfect love.

Recognizes and also respects the inherent differences between men and women

What is true love? In just one sentence, I think it’s “treating each other the way they want to.”

It really makes sense for the ancients to say that they respect each other like a guest.

 

So you must also know that men and women are actually two completely different types of life structures, so they need different types of love.

Like what:

Men’s 6 basic emotional needs are trust, acceptance, appreciation, worship, recognition, and encouragement.

Women’s 6 basic emotional needs are love, understanding, respect, loyalty, considerate, and security.

If you ask me how to keep love alive for a long time, well, I think “respect and understanding” might be the answer.

What about men, you have to listen to a woman’s real needs, allow her to have emotions, and at the right time show your feelings.

And women, what you have to learn is timely silence, full trust in men, try to accept and appreciate him.

3. Learn to tell the truth and work together to provide emotional value to the other person promptly

Contradictions in intimate relationships often stem from the fact that one side has a relationship barrier and the other side is less able to share.

Let’s start by saying something, and I’ll give you a few everyday examples:

a. Express your needs clearly, not let the other person guess

For example, you also give me some time, spend more time with me, okay, I miss you a little bit.

Instead: What are you busy with every day? You don’t care at all I don’t care about me.

b, tell the other person how they feel, not vent their emotions

For example yesterday I was sick you do not come to see me, I feel so lost.

Instead: I’m sick, don’t you care? Don’t you know I’m sad?

c, say what you want, not what you don’t want

For example husband ah I am a little tired today, let’s order a takeaway to eat.

Instead: Can’t you see how tired I am today? Hungry to order their own takeaway, anyway, I don’t want to cook.

So what is a common feeling?

Simply summed up, co-operation is a kind of “identity with other people’s emotions, motivations and another state of mind” ability.

That is, you can understand the other person’s position, and let the other person feel your understanding.

I really want you to know that good lyricism and commonality can not only effectively avoid friction with your life partner, but also greatly pull you into the distance.

If you want to maintain a long-term intimacy and constantly increase your emotional concentration, it’s no harm to practise this more.

4. Maintain a sense of rituality and a grateful heart

Some couples, even you are reading this article, after a long time together will feel, are “old husband and wife”, why waste time on those fancy things? It would be good to really live.

What you don’t know, however, is that it’s this idea of “boring and boring” that is consuming your emotional concentration.

That’s how the illusion of “boring” comes about.

At this time, if there is the fresh opposite sex, grow ok, good for you, and then a little careful thinking, haha, the story behind you can make up your own brain.

As I say, our life has been difficult, and without those “valued” rituals, life would be short of surprises and pleasures.

What is different from kinship is that it has obvious uncertainty.

Everyone’s mood changes with the environment, so you have to keep doing something, don’t you?

Emotional feelings, the most important thing is to learn to flirt ah, you say?

Also, no one in the world is prescribed to be good to you, so you have to learn to be grateful.

Know what you have to do and what to say at the right time. Wear a grateful heart to go further with him.

Dear, I hope we can all take their every relationship seriously Oh, do not bear their own also do not bear him.

Finally, Chen greatly also wants to talk to you: look less poison chicken soup, those let you suffer from loss of chicken soup you have to pour out.

Spend more time to achieve their own, to turn themselves into a better lover, this is the most urgent task.

Of course, lovers love themselves first, and you don’t lose your true self because of a relationship.

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