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From my consulting experience, the general false break-up (not really want to break up, but generally because of gambling), within a month the basic number can be compounded; In fact, compounding is not difficult, but it is too difficult to act correctly to the compound. Clearly now is the stage of no chance, you have to go; Are quick to grind the mouth out: “Composite, never you alone to make brute force thing.” Next on dry goods: the premise of the correct compounding is that you have to grasp the following four points:

1, the attitude of the other side

2, their own mentality

3, the right opportunity

4, the future outlook of the four are indispensable, what is missing, can not make the compound smoothly.

“How long do relationship breaks last—-How long did most of them get back together after breaking up?What is the premise of compound success?”

First, the other side’s attitude, In short, the other side must be in a “non-exclusion” attitude, you are not alert and excluded.

You eat very full, give you a table of hamburgers, you will be very moved? It is this truth that at this time he is completely in the state of “emotional wall-building”: What is emotional wall-building? See the break-up, is a very painful thing, loss of control, not willing, not recognized, abandoned feelings, these rush of negative emotions, in a very short period of time will quickly break down a person’s psychological defence mechanisms, resulting in the mood completely out of control. What does the party that is often broken up do next? After a person is broken up, the most common behaviour is, desperately looking for each other, and the other side to apologize, guarantee, care and so on,

May feel that they are not sincere enough to continue to entangle. Tell us today about a concept — “emotional wall building”.

The reason is very simple because the other side has your recovery behaviour has produced an “emotional wall”, emotional wall once built, the other side will be conditional reflexive to your contact, recovery and other behaviour of exclusion and resistance, thus automatically blocking some of the information and emotions you passed to him after. At this time, we do more to save behaviour, useless, you do anything he will feel that you are to save him and do, not only useless but also he will be disgusted. One of the most common situations: you do a lot of moving things, but you can only move yourself, disgusting others. So before you can make a recovery, you have to break the other person’s “emotional wall” to have a chance to recover.

So what exactly is “emotional wall-building“? When you have your own “emotional wall”, give a simple example. If you have a friend, as long as you contact you to borrow money, after three times, even if he contacts you once, not to borrow money with you, but as soon as you see him, you will feel very annoying, very stressed, with a guard, “Is he going to borrow money from me again?” “It leads you to feel that every word he says is to pave the way for borrowing money from you later, and naturally what he says, you’re going to listen to what message he’s trying to send because of this established idea.” Therefore, when we do to save, the other side’s “emotional wall”, but also with such a defensive mentality. “She came to me again, certainly those things, or to save my words, will keep nagging me about the past, passing on her painful and sad negative emotions, to compound, entanglement, really annoying, do not want to ignore her, and she broke up is really right.” Because of the fear of being entangled, and the impact of negative emotions, the other side in you want to communicate and action before the heart built a wall to protect you, you say, any of your actions outside this wall, how can it have a role, to achieve the goal?

How long do relationship breaks last—-How long did most of them get back together after breaking up?What is the premise of compound success?

This way of recovery is actually the most unwise, but also to two people’s feelings the most hurt away, such as personal threats, either threaten each other not compound self-harm, or threaten each other not compound to hurt him, or even go to each other’s home, the company downstairs for an interception. This very irrational way is often done in an extreme emotional state, once done, will only let the other side think that you are indeed an extremely scary person, he will only be glad to break up with you is the too right choice! And in this case, set up an “emotional wall”, basically want to break, is more difficult, he will be afraid of you, but also afraid of in case of the compound, not suitable to break up again you and so to die to live he can do? more afraid to try.

Moral kidnapping is also a more common way of the wrong recovery, girls in the heart after the break-up is very reluctant, so they continue to sue each other

So, this kind of language communication is not so much to save, but rather, you want to push the other side further, he will feel: Well, sure enough, you only know from their own point of view to consider the problem, do not understand him to consider his feelings of the person, break up, right. Continuous output of negative emotions The continuous transmission of negative emotions is also one of the most common reasons for the other side to build a wall of emotions. After the break-up of the tears offensive, non-stop tell each other how painful you break up, without him after your life is how gray, difficult to walk, every night can not sleep, can not swallow. Generally, with such a way of the girl’s psychology, most of them want to use the other side’s sympathy and guilt to save feelings, but on the other side to see, in fact, is to save him. From a psychological point of view, such a method may be a bit of a role in the beginning, there will be some people really feel guilty, to do some compensation behaviour, but you must understand that love is not by pity, by this kind of play poor, even if temporarily compound, most will be very quick to break up again. Love is not bought by pity. And once this way is used more, people, to protect their emotions, will be conditionally reflexive resistance to the outside world to him to pass on the “you are wrong, you are sorry for me” such a negative message, he will establish a psychological defence mechanism, open the emotional wall. Therefore, you play poor, bo sympathy tricks, most not only will not increase his guilt, on the contrary, but he will also feel more disgusted with you, break up to do these things, he will feel that you want to save his way, at the same time, will look down on you. From the beginning of the identification to the final disgust, exclusion, to that time, perhaps your tears for him are poison, he just wants to avoid. May I ask, who would like negative energy slowly, break up on a slump to die to live people? Such a man, do you dare to live with him all your life? Think for yourself, you broke up with a man, he is going to die day by day, poor, you would like to compound with him? Or does he look strong and wonderful, and you want to try it together? 

Loss of trust

The party no longer trusts you, can not continue to tolerate you, so choose to break up. Many of my friends would say, “I’ve made sure why he doesn’t believe it?” “So in a situation where he already has a very low level of trust in you, you’re going to go with him and make sure that I’m going to change, that I’m not going to do it again, do you think he’s going to believe it?” Think differently, if you were him, you wouldn’t believe only the other half of the guarantee, but no action. Emotions like this build walls, which actually appear before the breakup, and every guarantee you make before you break them, will make the wall higher. In this case, what you need is not repeated assurances and let him give you a chance first, but you have to hurry to correct it so that he can really see your change. You ask again, but I change he can’t see? Don’t worry, he’ll see it, don’t make excuses for yourself.

Generally speaking, a period of time after a breakup is not the best stage for compounding (except for false breakups). After all, as long as the two sides feel a little nostalgia for each other, it is impossible to get to the point of breaking up. Break up, equal to the feelings at that time has broken, any wound healing takes time. About a month after the breakup, biologically speaking, 21 days of habits, is the best time for a person to forget that you are not liked. So don’t be too early, don’t rush. Appearing too early will only be bad for you, after all, good food is not afraid of late.

The other party actively releases the signal. For example, in the circle of friends secretly express their thoughts on you, the heart of the two people have been heard songs and so on. I know you’re sensitive and will be the first to pay attention to the signal from the other person – but be careful not to be sentimental, the safest way is to wait for the other person to release a second signal before acting.

There is also a situation in which the other party does not experience the stage of “transitional exclusion” at all, but has always left gaps to allow you to correct. There are responses to your greetings or signals;

To untie the bell after tying it, the root of the compound must also be because he is attracted to you again – in addition to this, other ways, are crooked, even together, will not be long-term.

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