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Once a friend complained to me that she always remembers her ex-boyfriend, fantasizes about apologizing and doing better, and the other side will come back. She felt that everything was her fault, blaming herself for not giving herself enough space.

I listened carefully on the other end of the phone and responded in due course. This friend I know better, we have worked together for 5 years.

Her character is very lively, good-looking, easy to attract others. But my friend is also a little wealthy and strong, doing things sometimes under-considered, easy to hurt others.

So, I guess, it may be that she is too strong in the relationship, resulting in the man feel depressed, and eventually can not stand and break up. The complaints behind her gradually confirmed my opinion.

I did some guidance, and she slowly realized that she was doing something inappropriate in that regard. But that doesn’t mean she’s really bad, it’s that she needs to make some adjustments and changes.

“Why do breakups hurt even when you wanted it—-Five stages of sadness after breakup”


In an ending relationship, both men and women share responsibility for the failed relationship, not the fault of one party alone.

At the same time, also realize that after the end of the relationship, do not over-blame or over-blame each other, belatedly, vent their emotions.

In real life, some too many people fall into extreme emotions and thoughts because of emotional breakdown.

You know, as an emotionally rich species, it’s easy for people around you to act out of control and surprise people around you. Even for a man who normally seems to have his or her part, emotions instantly turn him into a demon.

We can recall the news reports that there were too many tragic events because of emotional problems.

For example, a woman who jumped from a building in a previous period because she could not stand domestic violence; a woman who was murdered by a man on a pillow; a street man who stabbed his ex-wife; a man who killed her and dragged her away in a suitcase; and so on.

The heart is a cage, emotion is a shackle! How many people can convince themselves that they can easily put down these emotional shackles and start their lives again?

If the relationship is over, you still have a long time to adjust, feel sad, don’t feel that everything is their own problem, is not their own abnormal.

Because, after being hurt emotionally, it is actually several stages before you can recover gradually.

“Why do breakups hurt even when you wanted it—-Five stages of sadness after breakup”


Kubler-Rose has proposed a five-stage model of grief, detailing the five stages in which people deal with grief and disaster.

Stage 1: Denial

At the end of your relationship, losing your other half, you may be uncomfortable, feel scared and confused, and suppress your inner feelings and thoughts.

You think: “This is not true, the other side will not really leave me, the other side disappeared just want to let each other calm down after a while will be good!” ”

Stage 2: Anger

As you gradually discover that the relationship doesn’t go back in time, you feel angry and aggressive, either toward each other or toward yourself.

You think in your head and ask yourself, “Why did you let me have these bad things?” It’s so unfair, I’ve been doing my best in my feelings, why would he do that? I have failed so much, I am a loser, do not deserve to have feelings! ”

“Why do breakups hurt even when you wanted it—-Five stages of sadness after breakup”

Stage 3: Bargaining

When the relationship really can’t come back, the other side has decided to leave you, only to leave you back, you will start bargaining, try to see if you can save the other side.

You’ll fantasize in your head: “If I change my behaviour and attitude, the other person will come back, if I do that earlier, the other person won’t feel like I can’t make a fuss, as long as he comes back, let me do anything!” ”

Stage 4: Depression

At this stage, you no longer have any illusions about this relationship, completely dead. You think deeply about the past and start thinking about feelings, marriage, or life.

You think, “What is the meaning of life?” What is permanent love? What exactly is marriage? The next life, how can I arrange to make myself better. “This stage will be the beginning of your growth.

Stage 5: Accept

This is the last stage, you really accept the end of this relationship from the bottom of your heart, no longer because of the thought of each other feel intense grief and emotional excitement. You can let go of this historical feeling, look forward, no longer be held back by your inner fetters, and see it as part of your own growth.

You think, “Emotions are not appropriate to separate, is responsible for each other, so that both sides get relief, and thus find the right happiness for themselves.” I’m not that no one wants it, but that I haven’t met the right person yet. Wait for me to adjust, feel free to go! ”

Last message

For everyone who has been hurt by emotion, these five stages allow them to find out where they are so that they can better adjust their emotions and thinking, persist, rather than self-deprecating or emotional behaviour.

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