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Is there such a person around you:

They will long for happy love, but also to the hearts of the people of the heart when the time is right, they will even go after each other.

But as long as the other person expresses the same affection for them, it’s as if they’ve been touched on a switch and don’t like that person as much as they used to.

Or are you that kind of person?

What is “sex monopile”?

The word with romantic is to describe this “I just like you don’t like me” feeling. Some people think that romanticism is a new sexual orientation, that is, “sexual monosexuality”.

It’s not so much a sexual orientation as an attitude toward intimacy – that is, an attitude of avoidance.

In normal life, single lovers meet their own people will desperately want to avoid it, but they do not hate others, they will have talked about same-sex and heterosexual friends.

“He just wants to be friends but likes me—-why don’t I like him as long as he likes me?”

A single lover will feel good about others, but as long as the other person shows a sense of wanting to develop further or feel good about me, the single lover will immediately feel disgusted, and in severe cases, will feel nauseous.

For this reason, they can’t get into a real relationship. What makes them like it for a long time is always those who explicitly or implicitly say, “I’ll never be with you.”

But strangely, they are not inferior at the level of consciousness, do not feel that they do not deserve each other, or each other do not deserve to be themselves, they just, do not want to be liked by people like.

With romantic people are forever imprisoned by themselves in the role of single-phase thinking.

“You are a lover, not a lovee.”

They can only be the ones who give love, but they can’t be loved.

The cause of “one-love orientation”

Behind the rejection of love and loathing by single-lovers is that they feel they should not, or cannot, be loved by others.

Disagree with themselves, leading them to think they are not worthy of being loved.

“He just wants to be friends but likes me—-why don’t I like him as long as he likes me?”

So, when they have a good feeling of people also express good feelings for them, they will feel that something is wrong: so beautiful you, how can you love someone like me?

As a result, they gradually became eternal “single lovers”, always avoid and hate others on their own feelings and love, because they do not know how to accept the love of others.

In fact, behind this self-identification, the real reason that may be hidden is that single-love orientation has a shunning attachment pattern.

In the 1960s, John Bowlby, a British psychologist, experimented with three types of attachment patterns:

1. Secured attachment mode (Secured Att. Style)

2. Anxiety attachment pattern (Anxious Att.

3. Avoidance attachment model (Avoidant Att. Style)

Among them, the avoidable attachment mode of young children to the mother’s existence, leave, the return is very indifferent.

This is because, in their interactions with their mothers, young children feel that their mothers are unable to meet their attachment needs, thus concealing and suppressing their needs by avoiding sexual behaviour.

As young children grow up, this habitual avoidance and repression still exist in interaction with others. They go from “not accepting the love of their mother” to “not accepting the love of others”.

Studies have shown that people with shunning attachment patterns are less likely to have intimate relationships and are less likely to be open and honest with others than those with safe attachments. They always try to distance themselves from others and don’t want to be close to them.

“He just wants to be friends but likes me—-why don’t I like him as long as he likes me?”

They actively “restrict” and “suppress” their intimacy with others. So when others express their love for them, they reject it and feel disgusted.

In fact, “sex single lovers” deep inside the need for love, just can not build love into the heart of the pipeline.

How do I jump out of the “I like you don’t like me” cycle?

It’s hard to change our attachment patterns overnight, so all we can do is be aware of our state. Having an evasive attachment pattern doesn’t mean we can’t live a good life.

If you’re really a person who avoids love and refuses to be intimate, here are a few suggestions:

1. Understand the fact that a desire for romance and love does not mean that you have to fall in love.

I like watching sports, but that doesn’t mean I have to be an athlete;

If you’re more used to being single, enjoy it. You don’t have to rush into a relationship, you don’t have to worry or be ashamed of being single.

2. Try to accept who you are

If you deny yourself all the time and don’t accept yourself, you’re caught in a terrible vicious circle: you like someone, and you think you need a relationship, but in the pursuit of the other person, the other person’s response makes you disgusted and miserable.

You can try to say to yourself: I just like romance and love, but I can’t fall in love with someone, for the time being, it’s nothing. Forcing ourselves to do things we don’t want to do will only lead us to hurt ourselves and others.

However, if you want to accept the love of others and be able to start a relationship, the above advice is not enough.

It takes time and skill to make changes to yourself. In a secure counselling relationship, a consultant can work together to find out what makes you tangled and miserable, or they can take you back to your relationship with others.

Consultants can’t give you a magic antidote, but they can provide space to accompany and talk, and more importantly, they can take you to discover the more powerful, more valuable, worthy of being loved.

☁ why do you actually love him very much, but deliberately show the appearance of not caring;

☁ why clear feelings are good, but always worried about each other leaving themselves;

☁ why you always “lose yourself” in love…

In fact, each of us in the bottom of the heart is buried a seed, and it affects our love patterns.

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