People are easily persuaded, and sometimes they don’t even need language, such as the phenomenon of being persuaded by behaviour, and most commonly, being persuaded by a guide to buying, and wondering if you’re easily persuaded to buy a bunch of things you didn’t want to buy?
The same is true of your predecessor, who is easily persuaded by you, but certainly not because you ran up to him to sell yourself like a guide, or you might become a bargain. Instead of expressing “I don’t want to break up with you” nakedly, you have to use your attitude and the state you have after you break up to persuade him to be with you again.
“Don’t want to break up with you” and “I want to be with you again”, the purpose is the same, but the attitude is completely different;
“Don’t want to break up with you” is not able to understand the other person’s feelings, suppress the other person’s break-up needs, to provide him with higher value to maintain the relationship, which is a trading thinking.
“I want to be with you again” is that you agree with his need to break up, and respect his choice to send him a “re-together” application, in the process, you respect him, but also respect the relationship, but also found themselves, is cooperative thinking.
Girls in the compound if the expression has been doing not want to break up, the probability of compound will be much lower, and if the composite tutor does not distinguish between the two attitudes, it is easy for students into a high-value “revenge” compound.
For example, a lot of compound operations are to tell girls what to do to compound him, or analysis of a bunch of male psychology, require girls to become better to make men accept again… The underlying logic is: excellent . . . composite.
Such logic looks fine, but it completely materializes the matter of love into a trade-in women’s values and emotional choices. Not only is the reference very low, but it’s also a performance that’s going to die.
The predecessor to you do not know the root, at least still know some of your character and way of doing things, a look at these operations is not what you will do, even if there is a stable link in the early stages, will give him great discomfort, may re-trigger his dislike of you, the compound is not a performance, but a self-rescue, and reconciliation of contradictions.
Most of us feel more complicated after the loss of love, there is to pay so much or break up the pity;
I often see girls break up and ask each other, “I’m not good to you?” “I’m not good enough to look good?” “Then why did you break up?” ……
These ideas are normal, but invisibly put their own value down, the problem of breaking up attributed to their own not good enough itself is wrong, how can feelings because you are a good person and will not come to an end?
The value of feelings depends to a large extent on your attitude towards love.
It is not desirable to take a man as the only thing, to meet a man unconditionally you are not desirable, to put it myself clearly, we love a person, and a person together, but is a value exchange, grow together, if you pay value and do not ask for a value, then you are consuming yourself to meet him, you are regressing, he is moving forward, will always break up the day.
Find the attitude of love, is your compound the first level, otherwise, after compound, you still can not establish a good relationship with him.
Compound methods are different from person to person, an article is not 10,000 people’s compound trouble.
2. Analyze his invisible needs for you
The essence of breaking up is that we can no longer be satisfied with each other or can not meet each other, such as off-site love break-up, because can not meet the needs of companionship;
That compound is to find his needs for you, otherwise, you don’t even know why you broke up.
What does he want from you?
Why do you often get into conflict, where he is dissatisfied with you, and that’s where his needs are not met.
So do we have to meet his invisible needs when we find them? No, we do it because we communicate better later, rationalize some of our actions, and convince him with our own feelings to resolve past contradictions.
A lot of break-ups are not because you don’t love each other, but because you have too many misconceptions about each other, that kind of stereotype makes him feel too tired to be with you, so even if you still have to give up or choose to break up.
Reconciliation with the past can be seen as exposing the contradictions we have had together and resolving them in different ways.
If your compound has been trying to change yourself, present yourself, and guide each other in these things, then your compound is actually very hard.
Past contradictions are like a thorn in the skin, usually do not touch will not be very painful, but once encountered, that kind of discomfort how can not be ignored, many of our girls compound when it is easy to whitewash Taiping, but do not know that this will only give your feelings buried more problems.
So how do we reconcile with the past when we compound?
You can try to contact him after a period of a break-up, to avoid his resistance to your escalation, you can first words directly state your intentions, re-understand your previous behaviour to his completion of the trouble, resolve those contradictions, he will have a different view of you.
Emphasize your changes, may let him have a feeling of distrust, in the face of the past, is the most important thing of our compound success, let him know your own past perception, to identify with his feelings at that time, he can feel the break-up really let you have a lot of changes, coupled with your current connection, his affection for you will slowly come back.
4. Accept his imperfections
Like a person, is attracted by his advantages, so at first, your eyes are each other, lovely a person, is to see each other’s shortcomings, or be attracted to him;
The compound, you need to realize from the beginning that he is not perfect, he will not even change because of you, you can not change his shortcomings, you can only run into each other can accept the appearance.
If you always compound with anticipation, you will be disappointed.
You expect him to be with you when he sees your change, and you expect him to understand your feelings for him and respond to you… may make you feel frustrated in the compound.
Feelings are the most indispensable is the demand, a lot of girls compound when a strong to provide their own value, to meet each other’s needs, the result of the other side really and you have good communication, just a mention and good to avoid, either you become a spare tire, or he enjoys your value, in short, no demand for the relationship, must be not equal.
So how do you release your needs in compounding?
First, you can’t just come up and say you like him and want to be with him, it’s not called releasing demand, it’s called strengthening emotional opposition, men listen, just want to escape.
Second, the release needs are ambiguous, is to let him involuntarily meet you, is he to pay you time, energy, emotions of any kind, such as you and he re-joined when he said he wants to use his Youku members, that is also your needs; These are expressions of a sense of need.
We release the sense of demand, the main purpose is to increase his sunk costs to you, in the process of meeting you, he will continue to output your feelings of kindness, your subsequent warming will be very smooth.
6. Express your attitude
The higher the cost of his sinking to you, the stronger your relationship will be, and this time you can express your attitude in words and deeds, that is, we have reached the “good” link, all the pre-laying is to make the compound two words reasonable and equal.
Once a relationship breaks down, the person who asks for a good relationship is always easy to become a flattering party, the real compound is to make the good equal. So we have to do so much paving, let his inner resistance to you a little less, a little higher cost of your sinking, to break the possibility that you become a spare tire, this work is done, you can take your attitude towards feelings, put forward peace.
Even at this point, compounding is still possible to be rejected, to reduce this possibility, we should try to create an atmosphere of regret.
Key points to create an atmosphere of regret are:
Contrast method: with the marriage of the couple around to compare with you, if you were not so wealthy, is not his bride will also be you?
Recall overlay: raise the topic, lead to your past, the original you have so many memories, the original you have been so in love.
Inspire: We spend so much time and energy with each other that we end up being someone else’s boyfriend/girlfriend.