There’s an eternal theme involved here: Lust or Love?
Lust is what we call sexual attraction. Love is a very special emotion – unlike the same complex emotions as anxiety, fear, depression, and so on, it is still untested, although it has been studied.
When you have a strong sexual impulse to someone, you are likely to mistake that romantic attraction for love. But for both of you, it is necessary to distinguish between these two feelings. It’s like saying, ‘Make love’ doesn’t make it LOVE.
“How to seduce a guy physically”
First, several studies in neuroscience have shown that sexual impulses and love are two different states, both in the brain and in the eyes.
The team at the University of Chicago’s Stephanie Cacioppo team found that sexual impulses and love move different areas of the brain.
When you feel a strong sexual impulse, the posterior insula, the area used more to control feelings such as pain, becomes active, while when you want to express love, the foreboding island is activated – which is also the area that causes anger, disgust, etc.
The results of an MRI scan showed that the brain that was used my libido was very similar to that of a drug-controlled brain: a person who was experiencing intense sexual attraction, and an addict who injected cocaine, had the same area of the brain that was excited.
In addition to the brain, the way you look at each other also shows the difference between the two feelings. The Cacioppo team conducted another set of experiments on a group of college students, asking them to face 120 photos and first select who they had “sexual impulses” or “feelings of love.” They were then shown pictures of the objects while monitoring the movement of their eyeballs.
The results show that when you stare at the other person’s face for a long time, you subconsciously feel that you can develop a long-term relationship with the other person and that you may be controlled by desire when you are looking more at the other person’s body. This natural tendency to judge occurs within half a second of encountering the other person.
“How to seduce a guy physically”
“Whether you will stare into each other’s eyes for a long time is one of the surest signs of judging a true lover,” Cacioppo said.
How to distinguish between wanting to “on” or wanting to love
Pure Lust is based solely on sexual attraction and fantasy – they dissipate as you come to realize the real ones. And love (which is not restful with lust, and the need for sex is part of an intimate relationship) often takes longer to get to know each other.
Or to put it this way: passion keeps you close, and love makes you want to be together for long periods of time, with deeper emotional connections. At some stage of intimacy, the two meet each other.
At first, it was often lust that pushed two people closer. But it’s easy to mistake lust for love: in the early days of an intimate relationship, when hormones proliferate, you feel like you’re in love with everything about this person, whether it’s merit or flaw – but in fact, you see the way you want him to be, or you take the person you want him to be. Everything you think of him seems to be wearing a pair of rose-coloured glasses.
Love may well start with desire, but please note that in many cases, sexual attraction does not translate into love. And this is often doomed in the first place. That’s why we often say that finding the right person is such a difficult thing.
Generally speaking, there are some typical signal differences between wanting to “on” and wanting to love. Here are some signs of relationships based on sexual attraction (lust):
The other person makes you feel that he is attracted to your appearance and figure. He seems to be treating you like everything, like one side of you, not like you as a full-faced person.
He is interested in sex but has no desire to communicate with you.
He may behave in front of you and want to make a good impression on you, but as soon as he reaches his goal, he may want to leave.
He prefers to maintain intimacy on a level of mutual fantasy, rather than talking about the real feelings of the two sides.
Want more than pay.
In hindsight, he always wanted to get up and leave immediately, rather than a hug for a second, or get some sleep and have breakfast together the next day.
“How to seduce a guy physically”
If the other side in front of you to show the above points, then basically can be sure that you are more suitable to be a gunner. He just wanted to sleep with you and never wanted to be intimate.
A relationship that can be called love usually has the following signs:
You can’t say exactly what you like about him, but you still love him
You spend a lot of time just staying together and not making love.
You have endless words and often forget the passage of time.
You can talk about everything about yourself, even if those experiences are disgraceful and, you know, the other person doesn’t mind. At the same time, you want to know everything about him.
You are willing to sincerely listen to each other’s feelings, want to make each other happy.
You feel safe: at all times, you are willing to support each other.
Whether something good or bad has happened in your work/life, or you have an opinion on something, you want to share it with him first.
You know what his faults are, but you still want to be with him.
You are willing to ride out the difficulties with him.
He makes you a better person.
You want to see his family and friends.
You are happy to think about your future.
If you can both do the above, congratulations, you’ve all found the right people for each other.
How can I be alert to sexual attraction that may cause harm?
As mentioned earlier, it’s hard for people who are just starting an intimate relationship and are confused by sexual attraction to stay awake. But if you want to pursue healthy intimacy, one way to do so is to prove effective: learn to listen to the true feelings of your heart.
In fact, many relationships of physical/emotional violence and abuse begin with sexual attraction. Years of experience in women’s prisons and domestic violence centers have allowed Judith Orloff, an assistant professor of clinical psychiatry at UCLA, to begin researching how people can remain calm in their passions, feel and listen to their inner voice. (Reply 125 to the public to view articles about “abuse in intimate relationships”)
When you are strongly attracted to someone and controlled by the primary impulses that come from reproduction, you should be aware that your intuition is alerting you to the following.
There’s a voice in your heart that always whispers to you “dangerous” or “be careful.”
When you are together, you feel inexhedly uncomfortable, upset, or tired.
The attraction you feel is dark and destructive.
The way he treats you makes you feel uncomfortable, but you’re never afraid to say how you feel because you’re afraid he’ll leave you.
(Note: These alerts don’t stop you from loving bravely; they just keep you alert to these signals to get into a safer relationship.) ）
In Orloff’s interview, many women in long-term abusive relationships admitted: “My instincts have told me many times that something is wrong – but I ignore it.” ”
If in a calm situation, your heart tells you many times that this person is right, that the relationship is healthy, that you can make each other happier together, then congratulations, this relationship is likely to be healthy.
However, you should always be alert to bad signals in your intimate relationship. Some intuitions are subtle and unspeakable. It often happens this way: “I met a man. At first, there was wonderful chemistry between us, and he was charming and sexy, and it was amazing. My gut tells me to be careful not to get too deep, but I don’t care. After a while, he started to get really bad at me and I started getting hurt, but I’ve got hooked and it’s getting harder and harder to get out. “No matter how charming the other person may seem, pay attention to your intuition, which helps you see the essence through the appearance of passion.
Finally, love must go both ways. If you have a strong love for him, but the other side is indifferent, then don’t waste time, don’t expect your pay to change the other person’s mind, or to find the person who belongs to you.