In the early days of your relationship, have you ever experienced a relationship that ended inexplicably? It was a good chat, and he suddenly didn’t get in touch with you; everything was perfect on the date, and he couldn’t wait for his news when he got home; he said he had a good feeling for you the day before, and suddenly told you the next day, “We’re not right” … Can’t guess the reason for you or active or passive end of the relationship. In fact, more than 50 percent of these are due to “unconscious misunderstandings”. These scenarios, often misjudged or over-interpreted by one party about one of the other’s actions, lead to a sudden end to a relationship that might have continued to develop.
What exactly is an “unconscious misunderstanding”? Little Red Bean to share a real case for you. Vancouver’s Yuki and Seattle’s Bruce met through an online platform, and in the exchange, Bruce thought Yuki was a lovely little girl, always thinking that people wanted to protect her innocence. Yuki also thinks Bruce is a special boy, always able to understand his own meaning, catch up with all his nonsense online language. Such a good feeling of the two people, but because of a misunderstanding missed each other for 3 years. After the first date, the expecting Yuki didn’t receive an invitation from Bruce to date again any time soon. She was a little disappointed that Bruce did not like herself so much, she gambled for a few days not to find him, did not expect the other side was indifferent. And she’s dead about Bruce. In fact, Bruce was in charge of a project that required an emergency business trip, and after a few days of not being in touch with Yuki, Bruce felt a 180-degree change in Yuki’s attitude, and several consecutive holiday greetings went unanswered. Bruce also lost his landing and gave up Yuki. Three years later, when the two had an unexpected intersection again, Yuki found out that she had misunderstood Bruce, and she was annoyed to learn that the holiday greetings were not sent in groups, but by Bruce’s word-for-word knock to her. The misunderstanding occurs because Yuki has judged some of Bruce’s actions according to his subjective perception: “He didn’t initiate the next offer in time . . . he wasn’t happy with me; he didn’t send a message . . . he didn’t like me.” When the two sides are not enough to understand, the emotional basis is still shallow, suspicion and testing is often greater than communication, especially girls, always like innate detectives, with a magnifying glass to observe every detail, layer by layer reasoning. And the premise is often that we’ve set a psychological expectation — what would happen to the other person if they liked me. Once the other person’s behaviour deviates from our expectations, we automatically lower the score and even make negative conclusions. And this expectation is entirely subjective to us. A lot of times, we’re not really looking for the “truth”, we’re trying to confirm our guesses. Like Yuki in the story, when she’s already guessed that Bruce doesn’t like her, she’ll just repeat her guess, no matter what the other person does. And it’s all just a big inner play that the other side doesn’t know about. This “unconscious misunderstanding” arises. From a bystander’s point of view, we may find such misunderstandings particularly low-level, but in fact, in the early stages of a relationship, the possibility of breaking a relationship is always these misunderstandings. What is the cause of such a misunderstanding? In fact, we can analyze the differences between men’s and women’s thinking.
“Is he losing interest or am i just paranoid”
In the relationship between the sexes, girls tend to over-interpret the intentions of boys, boys often do not understand what girls really think.
For example, boys said good night to girls at 10 o’clock, girls are obviously not in the right mood, boys are very shy. Boys simply can’t imagine a series of complex psychological activities of girls: usually he is only 11 o’clock to sleep, today so early ignore me, is not tired of me? Or is there something to hide from me? Does he think I’m a spare tire? And the boys just got up early today and got some work, so they got sleepy early. Women are better at reasoning by detail, and the way they think is complex and emotion-driven. Each other’s words, may disassemble and analyze the subtext. But in fact, men’s expressions are not overprocessed in the brain, and their purpose is to convey information and tell the truth. And women in the emotional expression of words, often more general, dramatic, “you never care about me”, “you do not love me”, women more use language to convey emotions, often use extreme words and emotional tone, in fact, this is not what they want to express the true meaning, just to express their inner feelings, they really want to understand and care. Of course, this difference is reflected in the fact that gender is only a representative and universal situation, not absolute. “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus”, even using the same words and methods, their respective statements, the meaning of the expression is very different. The differences in the way of thinking and expression between the sexes give fertile ground for “unconscious misunderstanding” to grow. So how can we avoid a relationship that would otherwise be fraught with possibilities and end up with such a misunderstanding? Break the preset to break their own presets, you may not be correct on the “whether he has a good feeling for me” evaluation criteria, personality, expression ability and other factors, will affect a person’s emotional presentation, perhaps he is not good words, perhaps he is passive personality, perhaps he lacks experience with the opposite sex, these possibilities will make you feel that he does not seem to like you, the core of the misunderstanding is the confusion of feelings and facts, and the best way to avoid confusion is communication, especially if both parties don’t know enough, they should express their true feelings.