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In intimacy, each of us wants our relationship to be unbreakable. But in real life often appear a variety of problems, such as unattractive, lose freshness, do not know how to get along with each other comfortably, so that our relationship becomes fragile.

What can we do to make the relationship stronger? Before we know the answer, I think we need to know the answer to another question, what is love? Only when we know what love is and what it is based on can we better understand love and build strong intimacy.

“Relationship riddles—-how to get along”

Passion, intimacy, and commitment are essential in a long-term relationship

What is your understanding of love? Which of the following three do you think is true love?

The first is sexually attracted to each other.

The second is that they can trust each other and talk about nothing.

Third, the other person is willing to marry you.

Which of the three do you think is true love?

In fact, each of the above is one of the manifestations of love, but it can not be interpreted as the expression of complete love. So what kind of love is complete?

The love triangle theory, put forward by American psychologist Stenberg, consists of passion, intimacy and commitment.

Together, these three ingredients can be called a complete love, with which intimacy becomes stronger.

How do these three ingredients work?

The first ingredient passion. It is the emotional motivation factor, can be said to lead to romantic love a kind of motivation. The simplest and most straightforward understanding is physical attraction, that is, sex.

We all have this experience in our feelings, the heartbeat is very intense, hands unconsciously shake, feel nervous, feel excited, that is, we experience in the relationship of a stimulating emotional feeling.

The second ingredient is intimate. It is the emotional factors in the feelings, such as two people can communicate, in the mind can achieve a certain fit.

“Relationship riddles—-how to get along”

The third ingredient promises. It is a cognitive factor in feelings. That is, I think this person is suitable for marriage, I recognize this person, then I would like to marry him, this is a kind of commitment.

In the development of these three components in the feelings, there is a general law.

In the beginning, it was the passion that got us together. In the early stages of emotional development, the level of passion is the highest. Relatively speaking, the element of intimacy and commitment is relatively low at first, not even.

With the contact between two people, the passion will inevitably slowly decline over time. So feelings based only on passion are fragile. Once there is no intimacy and no commitment, the relationship can easily be broken.

But if the relationship is well maintained and the ingredients of intimacy and commitment slowly increase, it becomes the main factor supporting the long-term relationship. This requires us to work hard, consolidate, and repair our feelings through our feelings. Like a house, if it is not repaired, it is bound to move towards a kind of decay.

Feelings do not have to have passion, intimacy and commitment at the beginning to be called love. It’s just that in a long-term relationship, we’d better be intimate, passionate, committed, all three of them, and it’s a steady emotional presentation.

When we are in a long-term relationship, it is often easy to lose one or both of these components. If all three ingredients are available at the same time, two people can avoid many of the temptations of conflict and make feelings longer and more secure. But if we extract one of these ingredients, there will be all sorts of problems.

In life, we often see these 4 emotional states.

“Relationship riddles—-how to get along”

Emotions are only part of the passion. Most of this feeling is to see one side on the love style, will let the other side idealize, feel that the other person’s character is good, strong ability, and he married and he will be very happy together. But in fact, these are only their own idealization. The other person can’t be exactly what he thought he was. Once you have contact with the other person to understand, find that the other person and their own thinking is not the same. Then the passion will fade, quarrels grow, two people’s feelings can easily disintegrate.

Only passion and intimate feelings, such feelings we just like each other, attracted to each other’s bodies, a bit like the feelings of a third party or confidants, flowering but no results.

Only feelings of intimacy and commitment. This feeling is similar to maintaining a long-term state of friendship and affection, more like what we call the old husband and wife. If the other party lacks responsibility and principle, there is a good chance that something will happen.

Only the commitment component of the feelings, this feeling belongs to empty feelings, two people together without any spiritual intersection, let alone passion. Although together, but more often feel and their own no difference. Two people’s life is like a pool of stagnation, without any colour to speak of. 

We often say that triangles are solid forms, and so are emotions. Passion, intimacy, and commitment exist at the same time to make the relationship stronger. How do you better have these three ingredients in your relationship? We can start with the following aspects.

Build trust. We often hear the word trust, in fact, many people dare not face their own heart, no matter how much you show trust in a person, as long as your heart does not trust, your words and deeds will always send this signal to the other side.

Share at the right time. Whether it’s your job, housework at home, or your child’s growth, you can share it, creating a bond that promotes two people’s intimacy. Of course, it is not to say good things to share, they have some unhappy things that can also be shared with their partners. But when it comes to negative sharing, we must be moderate and not be auspicious.

Make yourself more amiable. Some women in the previous feelings, because of the injury, so start self-protection mode, so that the other side can not enter your world, and you integrate. So it’s especially important to put aside the shadow of self-protection in the past and make yourself amiable.

Know how to make room for getting along. After two people together, women are particularly easy to become want to stick to each other, hate to fill each other’s space, each other want to know everything, but it is easy to let two people’s passion fade, produce disgust. So appropriately set aside some space to allow themselves to have some hobbies, is the most important way to keep feeling fresh.

To grow yourself, this is the best way to get the other person to commit. Just like we go shopping, roadside and shopping malls, which one would you rather pay more for? Only if you make him think you’re worth investing in, and as long as you make him think he’s not going to lose money by marrying you, will he be more willing to commit.

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