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Extramarital affairs, also known as extramarital affairs, generally refer to a married person having an affair with someone other than his or her spouse. However, this paper sometimes extends the affair to the relationship, that is, outside the legal relationship of marriage and love to a third party to have a secret relationship or a substantial secret relationship. The Bible regards an affair as a kind of lewd. Whether in love or a marriage, it is a commitment and a special contractual relationship. Therefore, the affair is also an immoral behaviour and the destruction of normal relations and marriage contract. According to its degree and treatment, an affair can bring about a series of adverse consequences such as extramarital sex, divorce, etc., in the Bible, lewdness is listed as the first of all crimes. This article attempts to start with the causes and costs of an affair and help us to avoid and deal with it. 

“I miss my affair partner so much—-The cost of having an affair”

First, the cause of the affair

There is no doubt that having an affair is a crime, but there are many subjective and environmental factors that make it a crime. Common triggers are:

1, the wrong values let us think of an affair as irrelevant

The wrong view of marriage in contemporary China makes the mainstream thinking no longer regard the affair as a sin and shame, on the contrary, in some situations, the parties will take it for granted. When the author tutored a husband and wife who were having an affair, the man sincerely declared: Which successful man does not have a third? As long as I live up to my family responsibilities, why blame me? In the actual marriage counselling, the author found that such ideas in contemporary Chinese society have a certain representative, many people regard affairs as a tool to vent sexual desire and satisfy vanity. Therefore, it also eliminates the moral guardian for the invasion of affairs.

2, the wrong view of marriage let people unlimited pursuit of the romantic feelings of marriage rather than the spirit of the contract

Influenced by romantic novels and contemporary love movies and television, many people have always regarded marriage as an inaudible romantic resource. There are perverted expectations for sex and romance. In fact, marriage is a contractual and responsible relationship based on love. It’s not just love, it’s affection. When men and women enter into love or marriage, they find that real-life marriage is not as romantic as depicted in television movies or novels, so they begin to escape their true love and marriage, thereby pursuing the stimulation of thought and sense without restriction. This is also an important factor in an affair.

The wrong view and values of marriage, sacred love and marriage as a tool to achieve their own goals, to meet their own private desires. In fact, they had a spiritual affair from the beginning. Thus, as soon as the external trigger is encountered, the fact of the affair is triggered. For example, these triggers are:

3, the old lover compound affair

For some objective or subjective reason of love expectation, the parties are dissatisfied with the reality of marriage, and then have an extramarital affair with an old lover, confidant or friend.

4, network love-type affair

Because in the reality of marriage can not be satisfied, people want to be in the romantic imagination of marriage and love in pursuit of romantic love, and some psychological perverts, or two at the same time seeking solace in the network to find love, through virtual communication and gradually produce a vague feeling of love. From the network affair and then the spiritual affair, thus entering the substantive relationship. The author’s online love counselling observation found that close network communication, which only needs two nights, may produce network affairs. But in general, online affairs have few happy endings.

“I miss my affair partner so much—-The cost of having an affair”

5, seeking solace type of affair

The general reason is that the husband and wife separated, poor communication, being snubbed, abuse and other reasons, so that the parties feel lonely, lost and humiliated party from the opposite sex to seek comfort and satisfaction, and thus the occurrence of extramarital love.

6. The native family lacks fatherly love

Most women, lack fatherly love, so they have been feeling the absence of paternity, and then in marriage, if the spouse is not fatherly enough to care for her, it is easy to find a father-like affair.

7, Thanksgiving debt-type affair

Most commonly seen in married women because of the picture of the opposite sex to their own help, the kindness of the encounter, rescue feelings, because of the grasp of the boundaries between friendship and love and the resulting extramarital love.

8, worship-type affair

The talent and charm of the opposite sex outside marriage from admiration to admiration, and then the occurrence of extramarital affairs. It’s more common in women.

“I miss my affair partner so much—-The cost of having an affair”

9, revenge-type affair

One of the spouses love to transfer, affair, sexual punishment, sexual indifference, loss to their family members, hurt their own self-esteem and so on, the parties to achieve a temporary psychological balance or revenge on the other side and the opposite sex, and then produce an extramarital love affair.

10, sloppy and grassy affair

Flower infatuation or heart-shaped affair refers to the act of having an affair with the body because of the absence of fatherly love, seeking protection and stimulation, habitual spirit.

11, passive seduction-type affair

It is common for women to have a mental affair after being tempted to have a stimulating sexual relationship. Men often come into contact with other women in life or women other than their spouses actively seduce, sensory sudden stimulation, couples sex life is not coordinated, extramarital sex, the attraction of gun friends, by the wife snubbed and hurt self-esteem after retaliatory affairs, the pursuit of increased life stimulation. [2]

Xie Mengjie. A study of a wife’s psychological course in the face of her husband’s affair. In 2002.

Xie Shuping. Sociological Study of the Development of Female Affairs in Contemporary Taiwan. 2003.

Combined with the above factors, we can find that the affair is basically due to the media-oriented wrong guidance led to the wrong values, marriage view (they think that the attitude of the affair fashion, do not matter, etc.), poor communication and technical problems caused by the marriage crisis caused by the extreme treatment of the problem of marriage and love. Common factors that lead to marital problems include poor communication between husband and wife, accumulation of contradictions and refusal to forgive each other, economic problems, children’s education problems, household distribution problems, family relations between the two parties, improper coordination of roles between husband and wife, inadequate handling of problems, personality misalignment, couples’ perception and cognitive conflict, sexual disunity, sexual punishment of couples due to emotional factors, personality factors, the influence of the original family, emotional impulse, external temptation, and so on.

The cost of an affair

An affair can produce a single-phase spiritual affair according to its degree, the common secret relationship between the two parties, extramarital sex, divorce and so on. Taken together, extramarital affairs generally result in the following outcomes:

(i) General outcome of an extramarital affair:

1, plain ending

The idea of a rational end to an improper relationship or one-way thinking after an affair’s disappointment.

2. Family breakdown, extreme tragedy

In a passionate and passionate relationship, one’s IQ and reason are close to zero. Indulge in false feelings and lust pleasure, hoping to retain unrealistic feelings of relationship, to take extreme measures, and then a party because of impulse or self-feeling humiliation, family breakdown, and even killing.

3, one party left rationally, one party fell into an infinite fantasy

4, the opposite into hatred, love into hate

One party’s affair, the other party’s retaliatory affair, the party’s passion after regret, coupled with disappointment with each other, all the so-called illusory love affair has become an intensified hatred. If extreme practices occur again, the consequences will be difficult to envisage.

5, the wolf for adultery, form a distorted relationship

Come together in sin, and thus maintain a more painful marriage in sin, or eventually break up again, or force a deal because objective conditions are immature, and ultimately mostly painful.

6, continued to steal, but the end is bad.

In-depth research on the issue of affairs shows that the deepest love lasts only 2-3 years, so far, the study of the experts on affairs have confirmed a basic fact, there is no continuing affair will have a beautiful ending. As the Bible warns: this is corrupt! There is no immoral relationship that can bear moral fruit. Basically, the outcome of an affair is mainly the above six outcomes. But the scourge it brings is far from the six outcomes that can be summed up. Let’s simply list one or two:

(ii) The cost of extramarital affairs

1. Lose love and trust

Originally two little unsuited couples or spouses, because of the evil doping, will inevitably produce irreparable harm, the loss of each other’s faith under the seeds of doubt, mistrust and disrespect. The author once faced a Ren, respect, and buried in danger of social celebrities, he died with the author talked about his life’s regrets. They grew up together, read together, and finally married in church. But during the Anti-Japanese War, as a well-known war correspondent and his later colleagues once wiped out a spark of affection, although there were no extramarital sex results. But it has tarnished their pure love. His wife couldn’t stand the blow, lost her trust in her husband, and refused to forgive him all her life. From then on, depression fell. This happy marriage ended, leaving them with a lifetime of regret. The Bible says: Obedience to earthy so ness, will be corrupted by lust. There is no room for compromise, and there is no possibility of a strong argument. For a while, what is needed is a lifetime of commitment.

2, sow the evil species, wrong child

A common and terrible consequence of extramarital sex is the child of a lover, bringing tragedy that you can’t handle all your life. The Bible says that the son of obscenity is the root of your life’s lingering sins.

3, inability

Crime makes you lose the integrity to be a man of reason. What is particularly frightening for Christians is that sin can make you lose the power to come from God. The source of our abilities is God himself, and sins lose God’s co-infinity and, of course, God’s power. In the future, your service can only be built on your blood.

4, physical damage

Lin front 6: 18 You want to escape prostitution. What a man commits, no matter what sin, is outside his body, but only obscenity, is to offend his own body. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 

Physical damage includes God’s own judgment and punishment, as well as the discipline that God brings to you through the laws of nature. The number of sexually resentenced diseases such as AIDS has increased geometrically. People’s bodies lose their health and cause incurable pain.

6, God’s harsh and terrible punishment

An affair is mistaken by many for romance, but it is really the evil of lust – it is more terrible than many evils, even far more than the sin of cohabitation before marriage. The Bible says that the sin of affairs must be severely punished by God. Sin is sin! The Bible regards adultery as the first of all evils. It brings pain and saying that no one can bear. And its influence on future generations, such as David’s obscenity, brings endless scourges to future generations. Let’s read the following passage carefully:

5:1 My son, pay attention to the words of my wisdom, listen to my wise words with your ears,

5:2 Save knowledge on your lips to keep you on your toes.

5:3 Because the woman’s mouth drips honey;

At the end of the day, it’s as bitter as a two-edged knife.

5:5 Her feet are dead;

5:6 so that she can’t find a smooth path to life. Her path is uncertain, and she doesn’t know it yet.

5:7 People, now listen to me;

5:8 Your path should be far away from her, not near her door,

5:9 I am afraid to give your honour to others, your years to cruel people;

5:10 I’m afraid outsiders are full of your power, you work hard, into the home of outsiders;

For a long time, your flesh and body were destroyed, and you lamented,

5:12 Say: How do I hate evil teachings and despise blame in my heart,

5:13 Don’t listen to my master, and don’t listen to the man who taught me?

5:14 I am in the Holy Syringe, almost in the city of all evils.

5:15 Drink the water in your own pool and the living water in your well.

5:16 How can your spring source rise and overflow? How can your river flow down the street?

5:17 You alone and cannot be used with outsiders.

5:18 To bless your spring source, and to delight your young wife.

5:19 She is 麀 a lovely deer, a happy mother deer, may her mind make you content all the time, and her love will make you love often.

5:20 My son, why are you in love with a woman? Why hold a foreign woman’s heart?

5:21 Because the way a man walks is before the eyes of the JEH;

5:22 The wicked will be caught by his sins;

5:23 He will die because he is not taught;

The proverbs are short in 31 chapters and use about five chapters to warn people about the crime of masturbation. The whole fifth chapter warns people to stay away from the evils of having an affair. This passage warns us that an affair can at least result in the loss of the following grace and the following losses:

First, the loss of honour;

Second, the accumulation and precipitation of the years will be destroyed once;

Third, the loss of wealth;

Fourth, the loss of joy;

Fifth, loss of health;

Sixth, full of sorrow;

Seventh, fall in the evil;

Eighth, the loss of wisdom, ignorance;

Ninth, the loss of God’s protection;

Ten, live in sin, life is plagued by evil;

Eleven, death, ignorance, loss of the right way.

An affair is a terrible and inescapable sin that will surely damage your virtue, your reputation, your body, your health, your family, your children, and everything else.

Not only that, but having an affair can make people lose real love, trust, and the sweetness of sex. It can even be painful to indulge and get used to the filth of depravity.

God’s punishment for foreign affairs will never be condoned. Let’s take another look at the alert of this New Year’s Contract:

Before the post 4:3 God’s will is that you become holy, far away from prostitution;

Before post 4:4 want each of you to know how to use holiness, honour to guard their bodies.

Before post 4: 5 do not indulge in the evil of private desire like that do not know God’s Foreign Statesman.

Before post 4:6 Don’t let a man score more and bully his brothers in this matter, for this kind of thing, the Lord will rest, as I said to you in advance, and tell you.

Before post 4:7 God called us, this is not to let us stained with filth, but to make us holy.

Pre-Post 4:8 So what is abandoned is not the abandonment of the people, but the abandonment of the God who gave the Holy Ghost to you.

You see this teaching of the Bible: The Lord must revere! There’s no room for compromise! God called David a man of God’s heart, but when David committed the crime of lewdness and the evil of affair, he lost the conservatism of the Holy Ghost and sinfully committed murder to cover up his sins. God not only took away his honour, let him die four sons in a row, his daughter was raped, his wife and wife were raped by his own children, but also ordered the sword never to leave his home. Such a terrible punishment, far beyond the human capacity. For a while, what is needed is a lifetime, even generations of reimbursement.

Third, the treatment of affairs

It is inevitable to have an emotional spiritual affair, but this impulse of human nature becomes an idea and action, that is, an affair. As one shepherd said: I can’t ban birds from flying over my head, but I can forbid birds from nesting over my head. We may not be able to ban the ripples of a while, but we must be able to stop an affair from happening. Here are a few suggestions for feasibility:

(i) Personal general affairs defence work

1, to escape the crime of the situation

Lin front 6: 18 You want to escape prostitution. The best way to deal with a situation that causes us to have an affair is to escape!

2. Pray for a guilty plea

Tell God immediately about your near-affair, acknowledge your weakness and sin, and ask the Lord for forgiveness and conservatism.

3, make clean friends

Stay away from friends and environments that are prone to our crime.

4. Cultivate a relationship between a husband and wife or a lover

Show your love or marriage in the necessary environment, take your other half with you in public and social situations, and respect and lift your other half as much as possible. Don’t give people a chance to think differently.

5, careful to attend the reunion, and all may lead to an affair with the social.

6, avoid exploring the source, not alone with the opposite sex. This includes not picking up friends or believers of the opposite sex.

(2) How to deal with a spouse’s extramarital affairs

The author’s counselling experience found that women’s extramarital affairs counselling is much more difficult than men’s. But both men and women, at the right time and at the right time, have the possibility to solve the problem of extramarital affairs.

1, choose the right time

In the budding stage of affairs, without exposing the other party’s possible affair, to help each other avoid extramarital affairs, cultivate their own feelings, has a positive effect. Once you’re in an extramarital relationship, the first three months of it are a period of love, and it’s hard to interrupt it when you go on the offensive and the marriage is at great risk. After 150 days, men are more willing to take care of the interests of marriage in an extramarital affair. Women may become crazier. We need to deal with it properly, but it’s generally easier to deal with at this time.

Extramarital affairs have an emotional curve, from love, emotion, honeymoon, cold to separation, basically a year or so to complete. Extramarital affairs have more ingredients in the deep desire than sexual demand. If the man still loves his wife, his family, his marriage, usually six months to a year will naturally end.

2. Don’t attack a third party

Some spouses will sneer at each other in their complaints: “How can you be with that kind of bad bitch?” Your taste makes me fall in love, you’re a bitch… ”。 This is obviously false perjury, showing their emptiness, but also the other side’s personality derogatory. This can provoke anger, he or she will find an excuse for his or her affair, and will also produce contempt for you.

3, as far as possible to minimize the impact, as far as possible not to let outsiders know

Everyone has a face and cares about their social image. If the other side feels that you have let the whole thing boiling, full of wind and rain, the other side will not only hate you but also break the can. Instead, use revenge to give your affair an excuse of conscience.

4. If necessary, do not disturb the families of both parties

This will make it impossible for the other person to integrate normally into the circle of life in the past, and to divorce. It was your inappropriate actions that pushed your recoverable spouse to the other side.

5, do not please the other side during the affair, but also do not sexual punishment

The best policy is to show the ability to live independently, take good care of yourself and the family, and create the warmth of the family. Extreme processing pushes each other away. Being flattery can make the other person feel guilty or despise you.

6, give the other side a chance to make mistakes and repent

Accept each other as Christ.

7. Don’t be a private investigator

Excessive examination of the other party can only lead to alienation. [1]

(iii) How to get out of your extramarital affair

1, think calmly and make up your mind to break up

The best way to sin is to say “no”, the first Psalm in the face of temptation, the author put forward three “no” in a series! This is the best way to deal with the temptation of evil.

2, completely break up, put an end to all after-problems

Talk openly and tell the other person that you are determined to end this freak relationship. Be clear and have no room for manoeuvre. Don’t talk too long. As with any break-up, the longer it drags on, the sadder and tangled it becomes.

Make it clear to the other person that you don’t want to have any more intersections with the other person unless you and the other person are working partners and have to communicate at work.

Be prepared for the other person’s possible reaction. If the other person is naturally fine, but you also need to be prepared for the other side extremely sad or angry. Stay firm and leave if necessary.

Avoid the temptation to rekindle old feelings. It’s normal to be sad after a breakup, but if you want to seek solace and meet again, there’s a good chance the old feelings will rekindle.

Removing the other person from your email list, social network, and the other person’s phone number from your phone address book can help you get out of the relationship.

If you have to face each other in the workplace, show professionalism and spirit. Try to avoid one-on-one conversations and don’t go to lunch together. [2]

If necessary, it is necessary to make some compensation, lest they later feel guilty and rekindle the old feelings.

3. If necessary, ask a professional for help

The best way is to ask your priest to come forward. Help solve the problem.

4. If harassed, you can seek legal protection

Finally, let us know that the price of an affair is a consequence that humanity cannot afford. It is God’s most hated sin, and it is a stupid sin that directly affects your family, your career, your health, your offspring, your reputation. Putting an end to an affair is your choice. Remember, you can’t afford an affair!

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