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One sentence is especially suitable for “affairs”: if you don’t know how to end, don’t start easily.

Once an affair occurs and you want to end it, it’s not that simple.

The reasons behind the difficulty of ending an affair are complex:

First of all, the betrayer’s own private heart.

All people who betray feelings, in fact, are intentional, in the choice of betrayal, the nature of their own behaviour is well-known, in other words, he originally wanted to betray feelings, affairs.

“I miss my affair partner so much—-the affair is over” 

Once you take this step, the “benefits” and “benefits” that an affair brings to you will allow you to get some kind of satisfaction, and these satisfactions will form an “addiction” that is hard to get rid of later – many people who betray their feelings, originally just want to experience the stimulation or a little taste of it, though they could withdraw at any time, into and out, later found that things are not so simple, the relationship is not so easily “broken.”

In this regard, Mr. Watanabe in his “Lost Paradise”, has described very profoundly such a situation, the male and female actors would rather choose to die of extreme joy, can not break the relationship.

Also, betrayal of feelings as an active choice, especially the affair will let people enjoy it, so, unless there is a strong enough external force, otherwise the betrayer himself is very difficult to give up, ending the relationship requires great determination, self-control – and a person who can choose to betray feelings, is originally self-discipline problem;

Second, the characteristics of the affair itself are determined.

No matter from which point of view, the affair is wrong, this is not only a moral aspect of the problem, not only the original harm, the most important thing is that the betrayer, as well as a third party, in fact, there will be no good ending in the end – of the result of the affair, are happy, can give people real happiness, there will be more people choose to have an affair.

“I miss my affair partner so much—-the affair is over”

 

In fact, many people who have had an affair will eventually agree with this point: the affair, basically no good results, only need to face and bear the consequences.

This is determined by the nature of the affair itself – in bad soil, sowing bad seeds, it is impossible to open good flowers, bear good fruit.

At the beginning of the affair, of course, two people in the relationship are addicted to it, this is actually a period of passion, so people at this stage, will think that they really met the right person, think that this relationship is really emotional … However, the end of the affair, after all, is the need to make a choice, it is impossible to maintain such a relationship for a lifetime, when the passion retreats, want to withdraw, it becomes common psychology;

Normal relationship, say quit can quit, but the affair can not, because you are afraid of each other out of control, and hinder you, just put your ugly things to the public, enough you can not eat to go around. Therefore, people who betray their feelings, there are many times not do not want to end, but dare not end.

So, under what circumstances will the affair end and be completely over, in reality, there are three more common:

The first, the betrayer breaks with the third party.

Once the defectors and third parties break up, the chances of their resurgence are relatively low, and the chances of a complete end to the relationship are very high.

As for what causes the relationship between two people to break down, it is a matter of varying from person to person. For example, a third party forces a betrayer to divorce, and the traitor does not want to give up marriage, which is the most common situation leading to a break-up.

It is precisely because the two breaks, is the most complete end, so, for those who have suffered emotional betrayal, if you ask someone for advice, they will probably tell you: be yourself, let them have a conflict, and then they will end the relationship sooner or later, your lover sooner or later back.

“I miss my affair partner so much—-the affair is over”

Such a proposal, I personally do not agree with many reasons, the simplest, but also the most powerful one is: this treatment, the equivalent of their own fate to others, including one person is your life’s most hated, even the most hated person.

The second, external force.

In the event of an affair, especially a continuing betrayal, a betrayal three or five times, it is difficult to end the relationship in these circumstances, at this time, the need for external forces.

For example, two people are physically separated, two people were originally a unit, and later because of work reasons, one of them transferred from the original unit, or even to another city, physical isolation, so that the relationship continues to become impossible, then, the probability of the end is relatively high.

For example, the affair is known, one of the parties afraid of things exposed and affect their own future fate, reputational interests, etc., choose to end, and the other side also accepts – the most common situation is that one party to the other party some kind of interest, and then inform the other party to end, such as a large amount of so-called “break-up fee.”

Third, the original with a firm attitude, while the betrayer’s family preferred choice.

Originally: Either end the affair or we divorce. In this case, the traitor is weighed to think that the family is more important, and clear than the original attitude is “to do it”, he must choose between choosing to end the affair and keep the marriage.

In fact, it is in this case that most of the affair ends.

So, why many of my articles are reminded of the emotional betrayal of people, must not be afraid of divorce, the truth is also here, you are only not afraid of divorce, you can “force” the other side to really think about the problem, you must make a choice, you have the bottom of this showdown and courage, and, crucially, not afraid of divorce, you can say to do, the other side will also realize that you can say to do.

Finally, there is a situation in which the traitor reflects on himself, recognizes his mistakes, actively ends the relationship, and returns to marriage and family.

This is the most desired outcome of an emotional betrayal – but, in reality, it is also the rarest small probability.

Why, because of human nature: we do not actively choose our own behaviour, often will not take the initiative to deny, like so many people who encounter emotional betrayal, even if the other side has enough scum, or will not let go, this is a kind of obsession, the equivalent of mistakes, anyway, have been wrong, continue to be wrong;

Therefore, the betrayal of feelings of people, in fact, is not do not know right and wrong, but, these have happened, they have given up their own right and wrong ideas, do not want to these, do not want to talk to you about these – if you have experienced betrayal, you know why betrayed feelings of people, most of the performance is inaction, a love-like attitude, the root cause is this.

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