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Freud said more than 100 years ago that all relationships repeat the archetypes of inferferfy. The gaze, caress, hug, kiss between lovers, the lover’s self-melting, the integration of the state of integration so that the world’s lights all out, the lights only cast on the lovers. What do we know about the state of love, which is not like mother and baby?

A passionate state of love is a re-version of a baby’s passionate and raw love for his mother.

Love for a long time, the passion fades, gradually into a calm state, so that many people are not easy to endure. Some people in many years of marriage, also no longer experience electric shock and soul, especially in sex, will feel lonely and meaningless. The occurrence of an affair, in the depths of the hearts of such people, is a long drought meet Lulu. Finally able to experience the passion of extreme shock again, already about to fall asleep life, suddenly woke up, the spring breeze proud, the return of light can describe the new vitality of such people.

“I miss my affair partner so much—Love state”

Freud also discovered the “love phenomenon of empathy” more than 100 years ago, and found that female patients fall in love with male analysts. The love that occurs in this analysis is passionate, eager to satisfy, and it doesn’t matter if you don’t analyze it, and most importantly, to force the analyst to satisfy her desire for him.

It’s an impedance to analysis, interrupting it in disguise as love and pulling the analyst out of the analysis, losing his expertise and authority. It’s an expression of love, but it’s an attack on analysts. At this time, the female patient, she would have in the analysis of the functions – association and memory are also seen in the action to repel, with action to defend themselves against the deeper unconscious surface.

According to contemporary psycho-analysts, this lustful empathy is essentially a baby’s desire for the mother, but seductively, a desire that includes both loves for the mother and hatred of hostility and attack. 

“I miss my affair partner so much—Love state”

Going back to the doomed peace and quietness of a previously called marriage may mean the death of a relationship for some, and the demise of the self in the relationship. It’s almost a similar experience to a baby being alone, not feeling the mother, and feeling destroyed. Babies will instinctively be eager and frantically searching for their mother until the mother appears, the storm goes by, and the fusion reappears.

Does this make babies addicted to the process? Maybe it’s not appropriate to say addiction, because that’s what the baby’s mind needs. However, if a mother or nurturer often disappears from the baby’s sight, the baby will be forced to repeat the “lost-get” experience and the corresponding sense of control.

Will this sense of control become a form of self-protection that babies often use later in life to resist terrible fantasies? In the future, will this approach work in an automated manner? That is, as an adult, whenever fear is felt deep in the heart, it returns to the state of the baby, seeking a mother’s replacement in reality and available itself with an important experience of “regaining” the mother.

If the passionate relationships that such people crave, as the marriage settles, fade away and become a calm, peaceful, and safe relationship, I am afraid such relationship traits do not meet the needs of such people. Of course, when such people were babies, the mother did not provide it with such an “inter-existent” relationship. They are unfamiliar with such relationships and are very repulsed.

They will turn the bland experience into a dead silence. An affair often comes when they feel they are dying. It’s like breathing to a drowning person, and in the passionate nature of an affair, they’re like fish back in the water, finally back to the hometown of the heart.

Therefore, people who have an affair often have an affair. People who don’t have an affair never have an affair.

One might think of another situation in which an affair is not because you’re tired of being bland, but because your partner has been disappointing for a long time.

People all their lives in the inner desire for a person who can be attached, a relationship that can make oneself attached, will not be lost feelings. Attachment and mother-to-child integration is different. Attachment is that there is a person there for us, which is a sense of connection, in which the connection is not intended to meet certain needs. It’s like breathing, it’s like a background. Before we confirm that there is someone there for us, we can explore and pursue it there.

When a child establishes a safe attachment to his mother, he explores with peace of mind. And if something happens that could threaten the child’s attachment to the mother, the exploration behaviour must stop, and the repair of the attachment relationship with the mother is the child’s most urgent need.

A marriage is, to some extent, an attachment relationship. Everyone puts the need for attachment into their marriage, and they will certainly put that need into their partner. In the case of both sides are safe attachment mode, both people can adapt to and enjoy the ordinary peace of marriage life, give up the original mother and child passion of the compulsive need.

The abandonment here is not conscious self-control, but repression into the subconscious, that is, to be maturely defended. As psychoanalysts say, a child’s desire to integrate with his or her parents is ultimately maturely defended in good circumstances – repressed into the subconscious.

However, if the attachment pattern of both parties is avoidable or anxious, the attachment traits in the relationship can make one or both parties’ need for attachment as thin as ice. People who are anxious about attachment are in desperate need of integration. People who avoid attachment are afraid of their attachment needs and their partner’s attachment needs.

The baby’s initial desire for the mother was integration. The mother’s time present will satisfy the baby’s desire to integrate, and then be separated from the fusion. As mentioned earlier, if the mother’s presence is not initially controlled by the baby, the baby will compulsively desire to control the mother, or prematurely suppress the need for the mother. This is initially a search for or avoidance of passion-first love. Next, it will cause the baby to develop an inner attachment pattern around the age of 2: anxious or avoidable.

If a person’s need for attachment cannot be responded to in a marriage, for any reason, it repeats the early inferiority experience. Go on an affair, seek a passionate mother-to-child experience, or give up the need for attachment, also give up the need for passion, and retreat to a closed, primitive narcissistic state.

This article is only describing passionate love, and stable attachment two relationship styles, but also explore the possibilities of unusually complex things, but also does not involve any suggestions.

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