In the previous article on “Victim Mentality”, another concept was mentioned, TheBy. Last time the intention is still not exhausted, we open a single article this time.
Vulnerability, which is used to describe someone or something as vulnerable to physical or emotional attack and injury, manifests itself as a fragile trait.
With Dr. Bren? Brown’s decade-long research on the subject (Daring Greatly’ The Power of Vulnerability) and her speech on TED should now be said to have created a wave of reflection—
I’ve heard more and more people say, “I’m vulnerable.”
Not so long ago, however, the United States, and the vast majority of China today, basically regarded Vulnerability as a derogatory term. It will not be directly linked to “infinity”, but it will never be regarded as good quality.
Dr. Bren? Brown sums up the qualities of Vulnerability as uncertainty(uncertainty), risk (risk) and emotional exposure (emotional exposure).
“Do guys find vulnerability attractive and how vnlerability”
In the last issue of “victim” thinking, I translated Vulnerability into “vulnerable” thinking, corresponding to “victim”. (But I am not satisfied with this translation if a friend has read the article has a better translation, welcome to leave a message below.) ）
Why is it a scarce ability to face vulnerability first? Let’s see how “anti-fragile” our society is.
We can not help but ask, why are we hiding, escaping, hard carrying, do not want to show people in the true face? Is it really that scary to show your vulnerability?
Dr. Bren? Brown spent 12 years doing 13,000 interviews and studies to come up with a convincing finding:
Because he’s proving his worth in this way, because he’s afraid he’s not being affirmed, he’s not worth being loved.
People who pursue perfectionism are usually in this state of mind. They keep asking themselves to do their best, always feeling they’re not doing enough, and they’re denying that their worth doesn’t need to be proven.
Yes, what you do may be perfect, but as a human being, everyone is flawed and cannot be perfect. This goal is unrealistic in itself.
“Do guys find vulnerability attractive and how vnlerability”
But each of us is born with our own worthiness. There is no need to prove this.
Therefore, do not need to add a lot of packaging to themselves, so that they become better looking, more acceptable, more respected.
If you understand and accept this, vulnerability is not a weakness for you. Instead, it’s a powerful strength (advantage).
Do you think that those who do not want to expose their vulnerability are not afraid of being looked down upon, talked about and denied? So he chose to hide and carry these in a way that made him more comfortable.
But isn’t it the greatest courage if he’s not afraid of being talked about, denied, and so on, and chooses to expose his vulnerability?
One might say that you are deceiving yourself. The consequence of doing so is likely to be that your abilities are not trusted, and you may lose many opportunities, especially in the workplace, or in the entrepreneurial world.
Indeed, in the workplace, this spirit of facing vulnerability is even scarcer. But it’s more needed.
Research by Emma Seppala, a professor at Stanford University, shows that facing vulnerability is closely linked to building trust. Trust between bosses and subordinates, co-workers, and co-workers can be enhanced if they can face up to their vulnerabilities, build deep connections, ask for help when they need help, and increase employee loyalty and job performance.
On the contrary, “hard-carrying” and “tough” bosses or entrepreneurs not only put constant pressure on themselves but also put endless pressure on employees. This pressure is in keeping with the company’s health costs (46 percent higher than the reference company), especially with cardiovascular disease.
This can also explain why the core founders of today’s start-up companies are constantly under pressure to die of the tragedy, not very old, it is a pity. In fact, the health of employees will also be greatly affected.
For the few entrepreneurs willing to open up, Professor Emma Seppala shares a case:
An Indian start-up is facing a tight capital chain and its founders have had to start laying off workers. But she really gave these employees a hard time, and when she met with them, she explained the plight of the company and how reluctant she was to let them go, but there was no way she could keep the company running under the current circumstances. After listening to the considerable touch, these employees have expressed a willingness to reduce wages or even do not take payments to continue to work for the company, to help the company out of trouble. In the end, the company survived and was successfully acquired.
Of course, this is not a last-minute impulse, but the founder of the daily positive interaction with employees, the establishment of a positive deep connection and trust relationship.
Perhaps the reaction of these employees was unexpected at first, but it was her willingness to face these uncertainties and overcome the fear of showing them their vulnerability that things might take a new turn.
In fact, a leader who is willing to establish such a true connection with his employees will not weaken his authority in front of his subordinates but will be more worthy of employees’ respect and appreciation. And the leader’s openness will directly affect and trigger his employees to open themselves up and accept others.
After the workplace, come and see the family.
The lover is a necessary path for couples and couples to develop an intimate relationship. Couples, more or less divided, difficult, challenging. These need to be shared and shared, do not need to hide or avoid talking about, let alone have a victim mentality. That is to say, this unbiased sharing is not an excuse and justification for oneself, but a way to build closer relationships.
In educating their children, they certainly have their own problems on the way to growth. As a parent, everything will inevitably be arranged for him, give him the best, the difficulties are all solved for him. But parents who know how to vulnerable should step aside and let them face their own battlefields, and allow their children to “be out” and not impose their wishes on them or hold them hostage with perfectionism. When he fails, accompany him through, tell him can be sad, can be angry, this is a learning process. Mom and Dad love you as much as they do.
Finally, in addition to the app above, share a few ways to help you slowly open yourself up and face your vulnerability:
First, recognize your own vulnerability and accept your imperfections.
Think about the circumstances under which you feel vulnerable. What is your own response to vulnerability? Is it disguise, escape, hard carry or find someone to share? What’s the next time I’m in this situation and I’m going to respond differently?
Everyone is not perfect, and you don’t have to be the perfect one. Accept your imperfections, love yourself, and don’t belittle yourself. Your value is not in the hands of others. This is important.
Second, remove the pride and stop pretending.
Life doesn’t have to be good for everything, allowing them to be occasionally abnormal. Don’t pretend to be generous about your insecurities and fears, it’s the beginning of a good one.
As a coach, the most I’ve experienced is the authenticity and vulnerability that guests show me. Arguably, this is the key to a coach’s success. But where the guests put down the ego, threw themselves into our conversation, do not hide not escape, so that the effect of the coach must be the best, and even bring him a qualitative metamorphosis (transformation).
It’s important to stress here that sharing isn’t about sharing with everyone, talking to people everywhere, seeking sympathy and support, and that’s falling into the trap of victims again.
Instead of sharing with everyone, you choose someone who can give you Empathy instead of Sympathy (sympathy). The difference is that the former is equal and fully connected with you. The latter, on the other, is more sympathetic and less equal.
Everyone shares different objects, he may be family, friends, honey, or trusted colleagues, classmates, or the subject and coach.
It is necessary to select and reserve such a sharer in advance. Otherwise, when you need it, you find that you can’t find someone who can talk.
Fourth, create the atmosphere and environment of Vulnerability.
For the workplace and families, there is a need to create a culture and environment in which they are willing to share vulnerabilities. One sign of determining whether there is such an atmosphere is — whether people are uncomfortable.
Because of Vulnerability’s uncertainty (uncertain), risk (risk) and emotional exposure (emotional exposure), each can be uncomfortable. No one can guarantee that if you say so and do it, you will get a good result. But you still have to do it.
So the courage Vulnerability needs to be a twin brother to Discomfort (uncomfortable), must appear at the same time, can not avoid.
When Professor Bren? Brown was at the University of Houston, she asked for this uncomfortable atmosphere throughout the class.
Just as enterprise innovation needs to overcome uncertainty and take risks, learning also needs to overcome uncomfortable processes before real growth can take place.
Once everyone was comfortable, she felt that she must have done something wrong. Students nervous and excited, the teacher is also an arrow in the string, always ready to be challenged by students, this is the classroom of growth.
So when we meet something that makes us uncomfortable, don’t avoid it. Think about our growth and really need it.
Finally, the construction of a positive ecosystem for sustainable growth.
The last time we mentioned David Emerald’s “Dreaded Drama Triangle” — the ecosystem of victims’ minds. We also shared some ways to get rid of victim thinking. Here I would like to emphasize that 90 percent of the victims’ problems can be solved if the capacity of vulnerability is mastered.
What’s more, it can help build a positive — TED Triangle (pictured below)
In this circle, Victim’s counter-attack becomes the Creator, while the former Salvator becomes the coach, providing a safe environment to experience and accompany the sharer, and the former Persecutor becomes the Challenger, which is inspiring the other side to break through and grow.
In short, mastering the scarce ability of vulnerability can be applied in life, work, interpersonal relationships and other aspects.