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I believe that many girls have such distress, the other side is a funny, very good people, but after a few dates, whenever she recalls the chat scene when dating, always feel that they did not play well.

“Am I talking too much today?” Am I saying too little?

“Today’s clothes are not very good, I don’t look a little fat?”

“Wouldn’t it be too embarrassing for me to tell those jokes?”

To say that is to keep worrying that they did not leave a good enough impression of each other, feel that the other side does not like themselves.

Ah, love is such a distressing goblin. In love, many people tend to underestimate their charm value.

“Do guys find vulnerability attractive and like gap?”

People who like them don’t like themselves, it’s probably just an illusion.


The pervasive “like gap”

When we meet for the first time, it’s very common to underestimate each other’s likes about them. This has been proved by experimental investigation.

Erica Boothby, a professor in the Department of Psychology at Cornell University, and her colleagues published a series of studies in September 2018. They ask strangers to talk to each other and then assess how much they like the person they’re talking to and how much they like them.

As you might expect, when you evaluate, you always think you like the person you’re talking to far more than you like the person you’re talking to. The participants also always thought that the other person did not find the conversation interesting enough.

However, when the participants sat down to watch other people’s conversation videos, they were always able to accurately determine how much one side of the conversation liked the other. In other words, when people engage in a conversation, it is often difficult to read the signal correctly from the interviewer.

This illusion of underestimating how much the other person likes them is what researchers call the “Liking Gap” – a “like gap” that can last for months.

So why on earth are we so inclined to take the initiative to create this “like gap”?



The more you like him, the easier it is to make a “like gap” with him.

The more you like someone, the easier it is to make a “like gap” with him.

Because when we care so much about what one person says about themselves, we overestimate how much attention others pay to us, creating a “spotlight effect”

We feel that the other person can see all his faults, all the imperfections and that he or she can notice every awkward question you have, every joke that isn’t funny enough, and maybe a little cold. They may firmly remember that everything we do is not good enough so that our strengths become bleak.

But in fact, those bad, imperfect, may not be as attractive to each other as those qualities that make you attractive.

There’s a greater possibility that the other person doesn’t care about your imperfections at all. And because you are too afraid of “embarrassing”, too concerned about the details of self-expression, but missed the positive signal from the other side.

From this point of view, “like gap” will often be more obvious in the easy “shy” crowd, the more “shy” the more feel that the other side does not like themselves.

“Do guys find vulnerability attractive and  like gap?”


In unfamiliar situations, “chat” is inherently difficult.

We have to admit that talking to strangers is a challenging and difficult thing to manage in itself.

Imagine that two people have just met once or twice and don’t know each other’s preferences for food or drink; Have a common hobby, but may not find out yet.

So, the two can only nervously try each other to explore.

In the course of this testing, we are always exposed to two opposing forces. On the one hand, we want to use Pull to shorten the distance between the two sides, especially to get to know each other better.


On the other hand, we also use Push because we have scruples, after all, the relationship is too fragile to keep some secrets and keep a little distance. To smile, soft voice, not too easy to expose their own foot-picking aunt’s nature.

Such a complex conversation is also known as a “courtesy conspiracy“. In a “polite conspiracy,” we may not really be able to properly perceive whether the other person likes himself or herself. We are more likely to have the illusion that he may not like me that much than to overestimate the other person’s likes about himself.

But if we want to really get to know each other, decipher what others think of themselves, and start a good relationship, the first step is to cross the “like gap”.

It’s not hard, you just have to be clear: what you think isn’t necessarily what you think.

Worried that some of their own places to do “not good enough”, remember to quietly tell themselves that it is just “like the gap” in the making.

Language is good or bad is temporary, the action is love needs attention. All you have to do is follow your heart and do your truest thing, and that’s fine. We get along with each other with our hearts and those who deserve it will understand.

Don’t miss a good relationship just because you miscalculate the other person’s feelings.

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