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Think back to your last acne.

When you’re out, are you secretly praying that no one will notice the small volcano on your chin that’s about to erupt? When chatting with people, are you worried that the other person’s eyes only see that huge redness and swelling on your face? Do you think everyone’s talking about your acne?

We always feel that our vulnerabilities are so conspicuous that others look at us with a magnifying glass at all times and feel that our flaws define us. But no one cares about these little flaws except us.

The mistakes we make are not as commonly noticed as we think they are, and psychologically, this cognitive bias is called the spotlight effect. Most people feel very prominent in their hearts. Each of us is the center of our own universe. Because we are so focused on our behaviour, it’s hard to accurately assess how much our behaviour is noticed.

“Do guys find vulnerability attractive and it’s charming”

In fact, a closer look reveals that our views on our own performance (and what we think others will think of us) and what others actually think of that performance are often at a gap.

Things we are afraid of, such as falling in the street, going out at a party, or misreading a word in a classroom, are rarely noticed. Moreover, even if others notice it, they usually don’t remember it.

Isn’t the news great? If you mess things up or expose the fragile side, most people won’t even notice. I know what’s on your mind right now: “But even if most people don’t notice, what about the few who notice?” ”

I’m glad you raised the question!

Crisp, weak, very fan.

Most people don’t notice your mistakes and shortcomings, but what about those who do?

Three scholars, Elliot Arenson, Ben Willerman and Joan Floyd, want to know what the average person actually thinks about a man who makes a mistake. They asked the subjects to listen to a recording of a student describing how well he had performed on an exam. The student talked about his background and then modestly mentioned that he had scored 90 points.

Then there was the focus of the experiment: one group of subjects heard the student knock over a cup of coffee and get his clothes dirty at the end of the recording, while the other group did not hear the condition. The researchers later asked two groups of subjects: “How likeable is this student?”

“Do guys find vulnerability attractive and it’s charming”

Can you guess the result?

In the subjects’ evaluation, the students who turned over the coffee were far more likeable and socially attractive than the students who didn’t.

Why? Mistakes highlight our humanity. Everyone makes mistakes, and we like people who are similar to us. Having a higher-than-average level of interpersonal skills does not focus on performing flawlessly, nor on never repeating the same social gaffes. People with high interpersonal IQ actually know how to make good use of their own vulnerability.

And we should face the reality that wanting to be perfect is not only impossible but also boring. Too hard to avoid looking hungry and thirsty, long-term hiding is too tired.

Vulnerability is sexy, vulnerability allows us to gain the emotional recognition of others, making us appear frank and sincere. It’s fascinating. Science also proves this: “Making a mistake usually shows the sexual side of others, thereby increasing his attractiveness.” ”

“Vulnerability sounds like the truth, it feels like courage.”

Britney Brown

The trick: Anti-Beauty

Perfection is a strange thing. We strive for perfection to win the love of others but do not like too hard to pursue the perfection of people. The pursuit of perfection not only makes it almost impossible for us to get closer to others but also makes us unattractive. Want to connect with people faster? Try these fragile therapies:

#Admit your mistake

#Don’t pretend to know a band you’ve never heard of

#Ask for forgiveness

#If you don’t know the meaning of a word, ask questions

#Apologize to others

#Don’t be afraid to say you don’t know

Following these rules will help you build relationships with people.

All in all, we all have weaknesses, and the right people will like you because of your weaknesses.

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