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It’s not strictly a “truth”, it’s something we think makes sense and is important, but a lot of people may not realize:

We should take the initiative to remain vulnerable: it is braver to choose vulnerability than to deliberately demonstrate perfection and strength.

There seems to be some contradiction between this truth and what our society encourages. Because in our culture, there is a tendency to think of “vulnerability” as a less good word and a state that should be avoided from being exposed to others. For example, one might think:

– Vulnerability doesn’t work.

– In this world, someone can choose not to be vulnerable.

– Allow yourself to be vulnerable and inability to perform.

– Not hiding vulnerability means exposing yourself to your own shortness, revealing secrets in public, and talking about your own pain.

“Do guys find vulnerability attractive and how to remain vulnerable” 

But to some extent, these ideas may be due to some misunderstanding and bias about “vulnerability”. Vulnerability is important, and it is necessary to know how to expose one’s vulnerability, especially when we want to build deep connections with others. Come and talk to everyone in detail about “vulnerability”.

What is vulnerability?

In fact, vulnerability is a normal, universal emotional state. We tend to feel vulnerable when faced with the uncertainties, risks, and emotional inputs of our lives. Unlike some other emotional states (e.g. happiness, fear, etc.), it is not easy for people to feel vulnerable for long periods of time. People feel more vulnerable in a flash and then immediately convert other emotions.

Different people show different emotional states when they feel vulnerable. Here we briefly propose two types:

The first person, after feeling vulnerable, experiences fear. They are afraid that their pay will not be rewarded accordingly, that they will be cold-eyed, and that they will not be helped or comforted. Therefore, they will take the initiative to seek relationships in the hope of getting the care and comfort of others, to resolve their sense of vulnerability.

The second person, after being vulnerable, feels shame. They worry about “whether they are worth it” or not, not only that others can’t help themselves, but also that they don’t deserve anyone else’s attention at all. So they won’t be as willing to ask for it as the first person. It’s very difficult to even tell your inner thoughts. When they feel vulnerable, they tend to isolate themselves from others.

Why do we need to remain vulnerable?

In the face of a completely trusted person, we can make no secret of our fears or shame (though the latter is relatively difficult). But for those of us who want to get close and still don’t trust us, it’s also necessary to be vulnerable.

“Do guys find vulnerability attractive and how to remain vulnerable”

1. People who remain “vulnerable” are more attractive

People instinctually prefer the real thing to disguise, and in fact, every adult knows that the world is chaotic and imperfect.

In life, those who remain vulnerable are often more likely to become one of the most popular people in a group. Because they tend to be more relaxed, more easy-going in person, and more complete and authentic. In front of such people, others will feel less pressure, no need to worry about “offending”, and less likely to feel “evaluated”, which will make others more trustworthy, and give others space and permission to remain equally vulnerable.

2. Maintaining vulnerability is key to human interaction

“Vulnerability” allows people to communicate more sincerely and honestly with each other, which is conducive to the improvement of human relations and the establishment of deeper connections. To do this, social psychologist Althur Aron (1997) conducted a study that randomized two or two people who didn’t know each other and asked me for 45 minutes based on a given question. One group got some shallower questions, such as “your favourite TV show” and “your favourite holiday.” The other group got deeper questions, including, “Love is the role in your life,” and “What was the saddest thing you ever shared with someone?” “And so on.”

At the end of the question, both parties in each combination need to rate each other’s intimacy. It was found that the combinations in the second group (those who answered deeper questions) rated each other more closely than the first group. Further research also found that the second group rated intimacy even higher than 30 percent of those who were good friends. More interestingly, many of the second group of people who participated in the study became friends and even lovers after the study ended.

3, fragility is a more powerful state

Many people think that allowing themselves to be vulnerable is a sign of weakness. Not really. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable in a state of courage, a state of strength. The people who allow themselves to be vulnerable are those who are new to a group of people who are willing to smile and introduce themselves and meet new people; It’s like clearly seeing and acknowledging your problems, and it’s a very capable expression.

What about the specific practice of “remaining vulnerable”?

1) Face up to vulnerability

In a variety of relationships, including work relationships, there are moments of vulnerability, and even if not in relationships, it can be fragile simply because of your own experiences and behaviours, such as going out alone and trying challenging tasks. It can be said that a sense of vulnerability is part of being alive.

No one can avoid vulnerability, and all we can choose is whether to suppress it or face it when we face risks and uncertainties. In fact, studies have found that people who can accept vulnerable people are tougher and more likely to repair themselves in the face of difficulties.

2) Self-affirmation

Don’t deny yourself for failures and mistakes, and don’t let the consequences of behaviour define self-worth.

This self-affirmation is not a way to agree with what we have done (re-emphasizing the distinction between acceptance and approval), nor to encourage us to ignore morality and conscience, but rather to pull “I” away from the failures I have encountered. What I do is no longer me, but a decision and a choice I make in the face of the situation.

When we can understand our failures only as actions and events, we no longer need to seek excuses or fall into eternal self-denial.

3) Self-comfort

When I feel negative emotions, say to myself, I now feel xxx emotions, because xxx.

Encouraging yourself to “express emotions” (even if only to ourselves) can help us realize the emotions we are experiencing. The process of expression is our recognition of “the rationality of this emotion” and we regain control of our emotions

4) There are boundaries to share

Share, but be careful from shallow to deep. The vulnerability has borders and degrees. When people are at the stage of mutual understanding, sincerity and excessive self-exposure maybe just a line in the right. Being vulnerable doesn’t mean we need to show it all to each other without reservation at the beginning of a relationship. Those of us who are willing to make no secret of our vulnerability in front of ta are those who have earned our trust. Otherwise, it’s you who put yourself in a position where you’re more vulnerable. The way to mature is that you show yourself varying degrees of vulnerability and progress in front of different people, depending on the boundaries between you, which is also more conducive to the development of the relationship.

5) Show real-life without “filters”

At the beginning of a relationship, we often want to show each other a perfect self. But in the process of getting along, those real we will inevitably be exposed. At the same time, maintaining a perfect image can be exhausting for an individual in a long-term relationship.

If you want short-term pleasure, running the perfect first impression may help you get what you want, but if you want a long-term partner, show the truth in your life.

“Do guys find vulnerability attractive and how to remain vulnerable”

Being vulnerable has the potential to put us in a difficult position or even get hurt. But it is conducive to our good interpersonal relationships, but also conducive to the development and maturity of our personality. Staying vulnerable also allows one to maximize one’s potential and achieve more – these people are more willing to keep learning the unknown and take on greater challenges.

In addition to learning to be strong, let’s stay vulnerable together.

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