It is said that the marriage rate is on the decline. However, a repeated statistic shows that 50% of first marriages end in divorce, which has not changed in the past 30 years.
The divorce rate is also influenced by the educational level of the partner, religious belief and many other factors.
When divorce really happens, it brings some difficulties to both adults and children.
For adults, divorce can be one of the most stressful things in life. The decision of divorce is often accompanied by contradictions and uncertainties about the future. If children are involved in it, they may be negatively affected, such as not accepting reality, feeling abandoned, anger, blame and guilt. At the same time, they will try to make their parents reconcile and take action.
Although divorce is necessary and the healthiest choice for some people, others may want to try their best to save the rest of the marriage.
When couples encounter conflicts or problems, they may want to know when it is appropriate to seek marriage counseling. Here are seven suitable scenarios.
7 signs of marriage failure 1. When the way of communication has become negative
Once communication deteriorates, it’s often difficult to get it back on track. Negative communication includes anything that makes one party feel depressed, insecure, ignored or want to quit the conversation. It can also include the tone of the conversation. Sometimes it’s not always what you say that matters, it’s how you say it.. It’s important to remember that.
Negative communication includes not only any hurtful communication, but also mental or physical abuse, as well as nonverbal communication.
2. When one or both parties consider cheating, or one party has cheated
It’s not impossible to recover from an extramarital affair, but it takes a lot of effort. Forgiveness and moving forward require commitment and will. There’s no magic formula for recovering from an affair. But if both sides engage in counseling and remain honest, the marriage may be saved. At least, to be sure, it’s better for both sides to look forward.
7 signs of marriage failure 3. When husband and wife seem to “just live in the same place”
When couples become more like roommates than married couples, this may mean the need for counseling. This is not to say that if the couple don’t do anything together, they are in trouble. If the couple lacks communication, conversation and intimacy, or other elements that they think are important, they begin to feel that they are just “sharing a room physically”. This may be a sign that they need professional help. An experienced counselor can help them find out what they have lost and teach them how to find it back.
I remember watching special forces as a child. Each episode ends with the following sentence: “now you realize, realizing means that the problem is half solved.” For me, this phrase comes to mind in this situation – when a couple starts to experience discord, and they realize it, it’s only half the solution.
I often hear couples say, “we know what’s wrong, but we just don’t know how to solve it.” This is the best time to get a third party involved. If a couple is trapped, an experienced counselor may be able to move them in the right direction.
7 signs of marriage failure 5. When one side starts to act because of negative feelings
I believe that our inner feelings will be revealed. Even if we can hide these feelings for a while, they will eventually surface. Negative feelings, such as resentment or disappointment, can become painful and sometimes harmful.
I remember a couple whose wife was deeply hurt by her husband’s cheating. Although she agreed to continue the relationship and try to solve the problem, she became very vicious. The wife will deliberately do something to make her husband think that she has been unfaithful, even though she has not. She wanted her husband to feel the same pain as she did, but it would only backfire. An experienced counselor can help couples sort out their negative feelings and find a better way to express them.
6. When breaking up seems to be the only solution
When a couple disagrees or quarrels, a pause is usually helpful.
However, when the truce becomes a stay away from home or eventually leads to a temporary separation, this may mean consultation. Running away from home usually doesn’t solve the problem. Instead, it reinforces the idea that leaving is beneficial, often leading to more absences. When the absent party comes back, the problem is still there; however, as time goes by, the problem is often avoided.
7 signs of marriage failure 7. When a couple are together just for the sake of their children
If a couple thinks it’s wise to be together for the sake of their children, it might help to have an objective third party. Couples usually think they’re doing the right thing, but staying together can actually hurt their children. On the contrary, if the couple can solve the problem and move towards a positive and healthy relationship, it may be the best decision for all.
In my opinion, children should not be the decisive factor for a couple to decide whether they want to be together. I remember working with a teenager who was in trouble at school. She has some behavioral problems and her grades are slipping. After several consultations, she said, “I know my parents don’t really like each other. “When I asked her why, she replied,” they are nice to each other, but they never smile or laugh like my friend’s parents. ”
Children are usually intuitive and intelligent. No matter what couples think they can pretend to be happy, most children can see it.
Not all marriages can be saved. During marriage counseling, some couples may find that they are healthier apart. However, for those relationships that can be saved, for those couples who are willing to commit to the process, marriage counseling may remind them why they love each other and keep them in this state.