Almost everyone feels attractive to some extent – romantic, sexual or somewhere in between, an outspoken, almost unsealable desire for others.
But what exactly is the attraction? Why and how did it happen? Are there different types? What does this mean for you or the people you attract? Should you act on your feelings? If so, what should I do?
AskMen talks to a wide range of experts about attractiveness questions so you can get answers to them.
What makes someone attractive?
One of the best things about attraction is that it’s easy to classify and define.
This is a feeling, not a number, shape, or letter level. That undefined quality triggers a wide variety of art and expression – from impetuous love poems to surging diary entries to unsatisfying dick pictures and scary cat barks – but it may also prompt people to try to put it in boxes, but that doesn’t necessarily fit.
For example, consider the long-standing habit of men classifying female attractiveness by 10 points. It’s an attempt to reduce the mysterious, indescribable nature of attraction to something simple and concrete, even if it ultimately devalues the nature of the woman and attraction being discussed.
In short, perhaps we should make the attraction a reality: complexity.
“The attraction is complicated because it’s not just about sexual attraction,” says Dr. Jesse O’Reilly, host of the podcast “SexWithDrJes.” “We are attracted to people for a variety of reasons – sex is not the only temptation. You may be attracted to different people in different ways at different times. For example, you may find yourself physically attracted, mentally attracted, emotionally attracted, romantically attracted, and/or spiritually attracted to a variety of people. ”
In fact, our attractiveness may even increase or contradict each other.
Please note that the number of people attracting you can vary widely. You may be attracted to thousands of people or a few people. You may only be attracted to one person, or it may even be difficult to think of someone you find attractive.
All of this is perfectly normal, partly because attraction is unique to everyone, and partly because it doesn’t need to define who we are or go beyond our thoughts and feelings.
“Attraction is not .com love, commitment or even desire (at least not in the first world),” says Kayla Lords of Jack and Jill Adult.com of the Company. “So it’s very common to attract more than one person. Unfortunately, most of us have only heard the narrative that monogamy is the only way to experience relationships and, worse, that attracting others is a serious offence. ”
Then, attraction doesn’t necessarily involve being attracted. “Some people also exhibit sexual attraction to objects, scenes and feelings,” O’Reilly said. ”
Depending on your interests, this may sound strange or familiar, but both work.
“There’s no real ‘normal’ or ‘standard’ in terms of attractiveness,” Lodz said. “We like what we like, and there’s a lot we don’t like. Everyone establishes their own standards to make someone attracted to them, even if this “creation” takes place only at the subconscious level.
In the body
When you are attracted to someone present (or just thinking), you often suffer some physical impact.
Dr. Michael Richardson, of One Medical, said: “When we meet people we attract, many of us feel the physical effects of the heart beating, the feeling of a frivolous stomach or the feeling of sweating in the palm of our hands. “These feelings occur when specific hormones and neurotransmitters are released and affect not only our bodies but also our emotional attachment to the people we meet.”
If the context adapts itself in some way, other physical sensations or reactions you may encounter include blushing, irritability, or even some degree of awakening.
In the brain
Of course, what happens in the body is partly a reflection of what is happening in the brain. The attraction is evident not only in your thoughts but also in the way and location in which the brain is most active.
“Believe it or not, attraction comes from the same brain structure as fear,” says Anne Bhatt, a Certaire Medical woman. “We attribute attraction to the limbic system, which is a collection of brain structures that affect wakefulness, motivation, fear and addiction.”
As a result, Richardson said, “it’s perfectly normal when you meet someone who’s attracted to you and you just don’t feel like you’re being attracted.”
“You may notice that as testosterone and estrogen levels soar, libido increases and the dizziness and euphoria you feel (and why you can’t sleep) is due to elevated levels of dopamine and neuronephramine released by this attraction.”
Attractiveness is often reflected in our minds in bold, compelling ways.
“Depending on the type and intensity of attraction, you may find your mind immediately turning to sex,” O’Reilly said. “On the other hand, if the attraction is accompanied by strong emotions, such as love, you may find that the person’s ideas overwhelm yours. You may not even be able to focus on other ideas and tasks. ”
If you’ve ever heard a pop song that someone likes to fall in love with or can’t forget, these reactions suggest that some attractions feel incredibly powerful at the earliest stages.
If you’ve ever been attracted to someone, you’ll be as familiar with attraction as addiction. Naturally, there may be difficult hints about how it affects our actions.
“Advertisers rely heavily on this phenomenon,” Bhatt says of attracting/indulging in similarities. “Even in the huge ads around the lingerie area, the image of a half-naked person can’t be bombarded, you can’t even walk through Wal-Mart. Like drugs, this triggers your limbic system.
“In terms of action, the response to attraction varies widely,” O’Reilly added. “This is because you have more control over your behaviour. You may feel strongly attractive and choose to take action by approaching the source, or you may feel strongly attractive and decide to move on. ”
Does being attracted to many people, few or no people have an impact on you? Is it strange to find yourself attracted to the same person again and again? Is it strange to be attracted to one person rather than to another person who looks like them?
All these answers? Essentially not.
While certain attractions are important to their identity, if we don’t want them to appeal to us, they don’t need to define us, especially when attracting talented musicians or witty redheads.
“It’s very common to have one type, but when we leave a particular type of person, we find that a lot of people, myself included, find more happiness and satisfaction,” Lodz said. She added: “Appearance-based appeal is real but largely superficial. ”
“A person’s score provides a more meaningful connection than his appearance. In the long run, we love and commit to a person’s thoughts, personalities, the way they see the world, and who they are as human beings. However, when we talk about “types”, we usually refer to superficial things that a person cannot control, such as height, body shape, skin colour, etc. ”
Another reason attractions don’t necessarily say too much to us is that they’re not static.
What makes someone attractive?
“The initial attraction maybe something we can’t control – something about a person attracts our attention and we feel some kind of spark for them,” Lodz says. “That doesn’t mean we can’t learn to open our minds, read subtle clues about someone, or go a little deeper before deciding that we’re really attracted to someone.”
You’ll see someone you find attractive, and you may be forced to do something about it to express that feeling in some way.
Unfortunately, even sincere expressions of attraction can be creepy or unpleasant if the person you’re trying to notify doesn’t want to receive this kind of attention from you.
With this in consideration, it is best to find a middle ground between overexploitation of attractions and under execution of attractions. A good way to solve this problem is not to conclude attraction – it can be difficult when you’re in trouble.
The House of Lords warns: “Don’t think that others will be attracted to you, and don’t think that love, at first sight, is love at first sight.” “It may be lust, or it may be an appreciation of someone’s appearance, but until you know them, there is no basis for their identity as a person. Also, don’t follow the person you’re attracted to if someone else sends any signal that they’re not necessarily interested in or attracted to you (resolute, hesitant, uncomfortable, or anything else). ”
If you really want to take action on your attractiveness, O’Reilly recommends that you assess your partner’s interests first.
“Ask them if they’re interested,” she suggests. “You may ask them to date, or you may be open to flirting with them, or (where appropriate) pay attention to body language. For example, if you’re at a club and they’re making eye contact and moving toward you, you might do so. ”
However, it can also be tricky to measure whether you are attracted to people in a digital environment.
“If you’re attracted to someone you see on Instagram, you can’t rely on their body language to measure whether the attraction is mutual because their posts aren’t aimed at you,” O’Reilly added. “There’s no communication with each other.”
This can be the cause of many misleading social media interactions – you see someone who finds themselves attracted to them, who has a desire to communicate and connect, but who ends up being rejected by someone who doesn’t want or wants to use your methods at all.
On the other hand, the right way, if done right, is better than sneaky.
“Whatever you do with attractiveness, be open and honest,” O’Reilly explains. “If you end up together and want the sexual attraction to be mutual, don’t pretend you want to meet and talk about business or go out as a Platonic friend.”
Finally, there is nothing wrong or strange about experiencing the attraction. That is, taking action in a way that could cause embarrassment and/or distress to others, and knowing how to avoid it can make your attraction experience even sweeter.