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Post-coital depression, also known as postcoital dysphoria, is usually manifested as feeling sad, anxious and uneasy during or after making love.

Generally speaking, there are three reasons for this situation.

Situation one is caused by social factors. When we were young, we heard the signal that “sex is shameful” from adults, so after the passion faded, we would be bound by shame and morality and fall into uncontrollable sadness. Or it’s a one night stand or an extramarital affair. Calm down and your inner self-blame makes you feel uncomfortable.

The second situation is caused by bad sexual experiences in the past. For example, you’ve been sexually assaulted, or you’ve met a very bad partner. Bad experiences in the past lead to PTSD. 

Third, it is caused by the decrease of dopamine levels in the body. In the process of making love, our body will secrete dopamine and oxytocin, making people extremely happy. But after making love, we will also feel sudden sadness because of the rapid decline of dopamine level.

Of course, the possibility of making people sad after sex is not limited to these three. For example, feeling unsatisfied or worrying about two people’s emotional state may lead to post-sex anxiety. However, these feelings will be very individualized and related to many emotions of the day, so don’t spread them too much.

All in all, after having sex, the sudden sad mood is not as simple as contentious. There may be psychological reasons, it may also be physiological reasons, and can not use “I must not love him” to explain all the reasons for sadness after sex.

I thought that most of the restlessness after sex happened to girls, but after checking the relevant data, I found that the probability of this happening to boys is not low.

According to the survey data, psychologist Schweitzer once surveyed about 1200 men aged 18-81 from 78 countries who claimed to have frequent sex. The result is that 41% of men have experienced post-sex depression, while 20% have experienced it in the past four weeks.

So there is no gender difference in love after making love. Both men and women may feel uneasy after making love. Some may be caused by experience and psychological factors, while others may be simply caused by the decline of dopamine level. The depression after making love has nothing to do with whether they love each other or not.

Looking back on my own experience, the depression after having sex really made me cry on the spot and scared my boyfriend. He kept asking me what happened, but I couldn’t say it. I held him and cried all the time. But in about ten minutes, my mood calmed down and the feeling of sadness disappeared. Now, it must be dopamine.

But at that time, my boyfriend did really well. He didn’t question me or blame me. He just held me quietly and waited for my mood to return to normal.

So if your partner has experienced this kind of depression after sex, the best way is to pacify the other person, let the other person relax by hugging or talking, and do a good job of “care after sex”. Don’t question the other person’s “did you feel bad just now” or “what were you crying for?” that will only make the sexual experience worse in the future.

Finally, if you have a friend who has been in this situation, you don’t have to worry. It’s not a mental illness. Occasionally, it’s dopamine. If it is because of the psychological trauma of the sexual experience, if it is very serious, it is recommended to see a psychologist.

Also, I would like to emphasize that depression after sex usually only occurs in 5-20 minutes after sex. If you feel sad or your partner is disgusted after more than an hour, then I think it should not belong to the category of uneasiness after sex. You should seriously think about what’s wrong between you and your partner.

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