Why was our love once warm, but now it is very cold? Why do we ever want to stick to each other all the time, but now it’s like sex? Why are we still in love, even more, faithful than before, but no passion?How to keep a relationship alive?
Because of human nature.
There are two core needs in one’s relationship, which are “security” and “freshness”.
Yet these two needs are inherently criminal.
The closer and more familiar we are to each other, the more stable the relationship becomes, the more secure we become.
But at the same time, it also makes us lose the “freshness”.
Because “freshness” requires distance, mystery, and uncertainty that makes people both shy and expectable. These are the fuel of passion.
So, how on earth do we have to balance “security” and “freshness” in the relationship, and talk about feelings for a long time and sweet?
Long-term partners because of the time spent together, day after day, little change, it is easy to have a kind of confusion about each other –
Oh, I know him so well, he has no secrets in front of me.
Ah, I already have him, he’s mine, he can’t run away, even if he doesn’t care, he’ll be there when he looks back.
But this is just an illusion, just a comforting fantasy of self-hypnosis in our hearts in pursuit of security.
In fact, we can’t fully understand and own each other.
Some people are shocked to see their partner working from home for the first time, call out who this is! It’s too strange!
Some people always thought they were safe with each other until they received a sudden break-up letter from the other side.
We are rich, and there are many unknown parts, waiting for each other to continue to explore.
We are free, and to go on for a long time, we have to keep doing business with each other.
This recognition is not to destroy your confidence, but to keep you curious and motivated.
Like the so-called catfish effect, dead sardines, after putting in a catfish, will be because of tension and live tigers.
So to moderately shake our sense of security about our relationship can make passions come back.
Habits to the relationship can be said to be water can carry a boat, can also capsize a boat.
Therefore, we must break bad habits and create good habits.
The so-called good habits, which refer to that ritual and commemorative, help to create a sense of security, or the content is changeable, help to maintain a sense of freshness.
For example, kiss goodbye before you go out, hug before bed, say I love you after a fight, celebrate a specific day, date regularly, or learn something new.
Bad habits, on the other hand, are those that are developed because they are lazy or unresponsive, which are harmful to freshness and unhelpful to security.
One of the biggest harms to passion is any sexual-related habits other than protection and hygiene.
For example, the same hint, the same foreplay, the same steps, the same time and place.
This will make sex like a one-of-a-kind posture, not to mention passion, I’m afraid not even fun.
If one party is obviously more positive or demanding about sex than the other, it can even put pressure on the other party like work, and it can hurt the relationship.
How to keep a relationship alive? 3 .role-playing, enhance the interest
So how do you get rid of sex-related habits?
In addition to learning new tricks, there’s a great way to make us play tricks: role-playing.
Role-playing allows us to take advantage of the role, show a very different style than usual, but also bring into a variety of exciting situations and new techniques, play a variety of ways, can be said to rekindle the passion of a special effects drug.
But for role-playing, many people expect and fear harm.
1, choose the right role for you
For new players who are just starting with role-playing, pick characters not only to be interested in each other but also to pick the right one for you.
In other words, pick the kind of character that you can just “be yourself” and perform smoothly.
We are sometimes attracted to roles that are very different from ourselves because we may project our ideals on the role.
So a shy person, it is likely that because of yearning to become a bright and sultry person, and want to play the rabbit girl.
But when she really put on the bunny dress, but how to see how strange, not only did not enhance self-confidence but was hit, more depressed.
So: (1) If you’re a shy person: you can try out a role with abstinence, such as a student suit or ANOL dress, and let shyness draw a dragon’s eye for the character and show shy charm.
(2) If you are often told that you are too serious and serious, or that your voice is low, it sounds aloof or tough: you can first try the role of boss, police officer, doctor, an interrogator with a sense of professionalism and authority to conquer his mind and body.
(3) If you are a cute type, like petite: play to see the maid or nurse, sell it well!
(4) If you have been trained in beauty or service etiquette: challenge to see famous people, flight attendants, cheongsam-wearing concierge lady, show elegant temperament!
Find the right role for you, and you’ll be more confident and relaxed.
Relaxation is the key to dealing with embarrassment.
The more nervous and rigid a person is, the easier it is to feel embarrassed and make the other person feel awkward.
The more awkward, the easier it is to activate the psychological defence mechanism to resolve the embarrassment, that is, the laughing field.
So once you pick the right character so that you can play with a natural attitude, you’ve solved most of the awkward or laugh-out-and-play problems!
In fact, playing role-playing is like talking about foreign, and few people do it very well in the first place.
If you want to speak foreign-speaking well, you have to practice it often. And dare to practice often, you must not be afraid of shame, not afraid of making mistakes, and know that the purpose of speaking a foreign language is to communicate, so it doesn’t matter if you say wrong, as long as the other side can understand.
It’s the same with role-playing.
The purpose of playing role-playing is to make each other happy. So it doesn’t matter if you’re embarrassed or laugh, laugh awkwardly, laugh and say a few lines to round up the scene, such as:
“You look so cute!”
Oh, you’re so seductive that you really want to eat you directly!
“I didn’t know you were so good at acting, it hurt my heart beat so fast, so nervous!”
“I want to keep playing, give me another chance, please!”
You can close your eyes and take a deep breath for 5 seconds, readjust your emotions, then open your eyes to continue playing, or just push each other down and dry, in short, happy!
Remember, the more worried we are about embarrassment or laughter, the more likely it is to happen.
As Proust says, the real journey of discovery is not to look for a new landscape, but to have a new pair of eyes. The same is true of long-term relationships.
Passion needs freshness. Just as fire needs fresh air to burn.