Lack of love 1.Lack of self-confidence and trust
A child who doesn’t feel loved, who doesn’t know she’s cute or worthy of attention, may grow up feeling neglected or blamed. The voices in her head were the voices of her mother, who kept telling her that she was not smart, not beautiful, unfriendly, unlovable and worthless. Unless there are some intervention and repair, the voices of these internalized mothers will continue to erode their achievements and talents.
Another woman revealed, “I’m always wondering, why would anyone want to be my friend?” I always can’t control myself to think. “She believes that relationships are inherently unreliable. Studies have shown that these women with contradictory attachments are often constantly confirming whether a certain trust is guaranteed.
Lack of love 2. Avoid as the default gesture
There are times when a lack of self-confidence or fear puts an unseeded child in a defensive position. In this way, she is defensively trying to avoid being hurt by “some bad link”, rather than by actively seeking a stable, caring object to avoid harm.
On the face of it, these women act as if they want to be in a relationship. But on a deeper level, one level less recognized is that avoiding relationships is their driving force. Unfortunately, it’s because avoidance – whether it’s fear, distrust, or whatever – prevents unsaved children from having the kind of loving, supportive relationships she always wants.
Lack of love 3. Oversensitive
A child who is not loved may be sensitive to neglect, whether it is real or imagined. A casual comment may carry the weight of her childhood experience, but she may not even realize it. “Having an unsymonscing mother often means that unsynced children often have emotional management problems.
How do I repair a trauma? Remember these methods
1. Gain confidence and “see” who you are
Many unloved children refer to a lack of self-confidence, which is the voice of an internalized mother: “This voice tells you that you have no value, you are not cute, and paradoxically, this lack of self-confidence may coexist with your achievements, including being a good mother and a good wife, achieving academic or commercial success, and so on.” As one successful woman in her 60s put it: “That critical voice is always there and takes away the joy of my success.” Even after success, it makes me doubt myself. ”
The therapist advises, “Think of people who love you – grandmothers, uncles, siblings, or close friends” – and think about what they like about you. If you find that internal criticism is preventing you from doing so – telling yourself that they’re lying to you and that you’re lying to yourself – ask yourself, why do those who love you like you? “Adjust your thoughts when you blame yourself, and think about the people who love you and appreciate you to help you stabilize yourself.”
3. Learn to press the pause key
Remember three words: stop, see, listen. We need to focus on and consciously focus on some situations. Instead of always becoming defensive or overreacting, learn to step back, think about how you feel, think about how I feel: Is one of my reactions an immediate reaction to something in the past, or is it a reflection of something in my past? Do I really see what’s going on right now? Give yourself enough space to examine the nature and nature of your feelings.
No matter what self-struggle, doubt, and negation your experience in the shadow of “lack of love”, believe that you deserve all the good.