In an age when divorce is becoming more common, we are increasingly wondering what love is and how we want to maintain our marriage. We also seem to live with anxiety and worry about our relationships.
What is more depressing is that the description of love is so shy and false. Let’s feel like we can’t catch it, sometimes we know we have a problem with our relationship, but we don’t know how to fix love.
The need for intimate connection.
Love is a connection between your partner’s feelings, which can give you a sense of security and help calm stress, anxiety, and depression.
Our human pursuit of love is an instinctual response, and wanting to be close to people and want to have emotional connections with loved ones is part of your DNA. Just like a baby, need mom and dad to take care of it and provide emotional support.
Three questions about love in relationships: Can I count on you? Will you respond to me? Will you follow me? These three problems are the ones of love. If your answer is yes, it will. Then you must have a safe relationship, if not, then your feelings may have some problems.
How to keep marriage strong?
How do successful partners fix quarrels?
Learn to pause when entering the dead cycle of attack escape.
When you realize that your quarrel has entered the dead cycle of this attack escape, you learn to pause yourself.
Build a conversation of love.
You have to understand that the more you attack and scold, the more the other person hides from you.
You have half the responsibility for this problem, making the relationship worse, and that’s the responsibility you need to take on in this relationship.
Don’t use the method of blaming the attack to communicate, you can muster the courage to express your fear and fear under anger, fear that the other person does not like you, afraid I do not matter. Especially when the other person ignores you, share your feelings and feelings.
I know you share your vulnerability more difficult than you are angry and attacked because you are afraid that when you share vulnerability, the other person does not listen to what to do, the other person does not care what to do.
You can say to your partner, “I don’t want to attack you, I want to share my feelings and feelings with you, it’s not easy for me to share these feelings with you, sometimes I prefer to keep them in my heart.” Can you listen to me? “Sometimes you can say, “I don’t need you to give me the answer, I just want you to listen to my feelings when I share with you, you can hug me when I cry.”
A lot of times, in the habits you’ve developed, you don’t speak up, and the other person thinks you’re going to scold her/him, so the other person won’t listen to you and go into a state of defence and self-protection.
If you’re a frequent attacker, all you can do is make the other person really feel like you’re not trying to attack her/him, you want to express your feelings.
Go and tell the other person, “Sometimes, when you hide from me, I’m really afraid you’ll leave me, you won’t come back.” At this point, I even think I’m really the one you like? Do you love me? I don’t seem to matter to you. When I have this fear, I really want you to hug me, tell me you want me, I am your important person”
If you are a runaway:
You have half the responsibility to make this relationship worse, and you have a responsibility to make it better.
Don’t use escape to face the problem, pluck up the courage to express your desire to escape when the mood: because the other side in attacking you, you feel that you can not meet the other party’s requirements, you think you will only let the other side down, you feel that you can not meet the other side. You are sad and feel like you have failed.
What you need to understand is that the farther you hide, the tighter your other half will chase you, and the harder you attack. All you have to do is not always hide, always run away, you have to learn to express yourself and communicate your feelings.
You can say: “Whenever you scold me, think I did wrong, I really have the effort to meet your requirements, but you are so disappointed in me, I think I can not let you think I can make you happy and satisfied.” I am also very sad, when I am sad, I want to go away. But how I wish you could see my good, you can be sure of me. ”
Of course, these are my words, you can express yourself in your own words.
Tell the other person your emotions and your needs, if you can cry together, feel together to know each other, you will find love moved.
Love has magical power.
There’s one thing in the world that’s more useful than a drug to treat depression, and that’s the hug and love of your lover.
In my case of an affair, I often hear the injured party say that when I cry and feel sad, I just need you to hold me and comfort me.
In fact, it is also true that a hug from your lover can help you calm your anxiety and sadness immediately, a hundred times better than the effect of the drug, and without side effects.
So a lot of times I encourage visitors who are struggling with depression and anxiety problems to take care of their loved ones’ relationships, which can be very useful to your body and mind. Love is the best motivation, love can make you feel better, love can make you more confident because someone believes in you.