I’ve done several groups of these experiments, interviewing five couples who are about to survive, and separating them from each other. The staff responsible for the interview is divided into two groups, the first group of 2 boys, the second group of 2 girls, the boy’s group is responsible for interviewing the boys among the couples, the girl’s group is responsible for interviewing the girls among the couples.
At the end of the interview, I asked both groups of staff to write down on paper their attitudes toward whether the couples would continue to get along.
As a result, the staff who interviewed five boys all supported the five boys to break up, feeling that there were too many things for women, not only did not understand, do not trust themselves.
In the dramatic scene, the staff interviewing five girls also supported the break-up of five girls because they agreed that the interviewee’s boyfriend wasn’t too responsible, not loving girls enough and that falling in love was no different from being single.
So the problem came, both sides feel that should break up, so who has the problem? Whose fault is it that this relationship is what it is now?How to know when it’s time to break up?
Both groups of staff identified themselves with the people they interviewed, why?
Because the interviewees are about how the other side how to treat their own, the process of getting along with grievances, sadness, all poured out, hoping to get the staff’s sympathy.
Throughout the interview process, the interviewee almost all came up to speak of their dissatisfaction, rarely mention their own fault, even if there is introspection, just a few words and modestly do some self-reflecting paving.
But is that really the case?
Because these are your own subjective feelings, the authenticity of these views depends on your own cognitive level, judgment and other factors.
When you feel sad, neglected, your bad feelings are not caught, the other side does not love themselves enough, it is not necessarily the truth, it may be the opposite, the biggest reason is yourself, perhaps just you do not know, and perhaps know also do not want to admit it, because admitting that they are wrong against the weakness of human nature.
Therefore, I do not agree that when their needs are not met, immediately concluded that the other party does not love you.
You need to think calmly and take responsibility for your emotions: ask yourself seriously and objectively, is my emotion really caused by the other person? Or am I between those who carry this mood of mood?
Only in the feelings of the courage to face the truth, the emotional temporary stranding, careful analysis of the reasons, you may be closer to the truth, harvest happiness.
In the feelings, we must have a sense of self-growth, the courage to reflect on whether they have any problems, find that the problem should be the courage to bear mistakes, the courage to allow themselves to grow.
Because if you don’t reflect on yourself, even if you break up with the person in front of you, you’re still you, and the next one to fall in love, you still follow your customary behaviour patterns and get along with others, and often repeat the same mistakes.
Analyze and reflect on the logic behind the problem and you’ll find that things may really be more than just what you think they are. You do this introspection, there is no harm to yourself because it can help you get closer to the truth of the matter, to avoid many problems unknown, or even foolishly blame each other. If because of subjective misunderstanding you choose to break up, then the next you will not have a very smooth life, because you did not learn to reflect, can not grow up, and there is no one in the world unconditionally meet all your expectations, then, you are doomed to fall in love how many bad, scarred, full of disappointment. Introspection, feel that they really do not have these problems, the other side is still such an attitude, then you break up decisively is not too late. If in the process of getting along with their own not much problem, but finally to face a breakup, then you have to reflect on one more: how can their ability to know people so bad? Why did you choose such a person to fall in love in the first place? This time you have to think about how to improve your ability to know people, and not rush to start a new relationship. You see, it’s another science.
I believe that most couples, do not want to bow in love, do not want to compromise. Because the dominant power is in the hands of the person who bows, the person who is willing to bow is more likely to deal with the problem, but also more willing to take responsibility for their own mistakes, such a person can finally get more love from the other side. At first, the seemingly arrogant man seemed to dominate everything, and over time, the dominance actually shifted to the individual who was willing to take on the mistake.
After all, changing others is often in vain, changing yourself will never suffer, and, more and more intelligent you, how can no one love it?
Everyone is ordinary people, do not expect the other side like a God can cure a hundred diseases, accommodate a hundred rivers, can catch all your negative emotions, after all, he is a person, not God.