There’s an eternal theme involved here: Lust or Love?
Lust is what we call sexual attraction. Love is a very special emotion – unlike the same complex emotions as anxiety, fear, depression, and so on, it is still untested, although it has been studied.
When you have a strong sexual impulse to someone, you are likely to mistake that romantic attraction for love. But for both of you, it is necessary to distinguish between these two feelings. It’s like saying, ‘Make love’ doesn’t make it LOVE.
When attracted, your brain can tell the difference between desire and love.
First, several studies in neuroscience have shown that sexual impulses and love are two different states, both in the brain and in the eyes.
The team at the University of Chicago’s Stephanie Cacioppo team found that sexual impulses and love move different areas of the brain.
When you feel a strong sexual impulse, the posterior insula, the area used more to control feelings such as pain, becomes active, while when you want to express love, the foreboding island is activated – which is also the area that causes anger, disgust, etc.
The results of an MRI scan showed that the brain that was used by libido was very similar to that of a drug-controlled brain: a person who was experiencing intense sexual attraction, and an addict who injected cocaine, had the same area of the brain that was excited.
In addition to the brain, the way you look at each other also shows the difference between the two feelings. The Cacioppo team conducted another set of experiments on a group of college students, asking them to face 120 photos and first select who they had “sexual impulses” or “feelings of love.” They were then shown pictures of the objects while monitoring the movement of their eyeballs.
The results show that when you stare at the other person’s face for a long time, you subconsciously feel that you can develop a long-term relationship with the other person and that you may be controlled by desire when you are looking more at the other person’s body. This natural tendency to judge occurs within half a second of encountering the other person.
“Whether you will stare into each other’s eyes for a long time is one of the surest signs of judging a true lover,” Cacioppo said.
Pure Lust is based solely on sexual attraction and fantasy – they dissipate as you come to realize the real ones. And love (which is not restful with lust, and the need for sex is part of an intimate relationship) often takes longer to get to know each other.
Or to put it this way: passion keeps you close, and love makes you want to be together for long periods of time, with deeper emotional connections. At some stage of intimacy, the two meet each other.
At first, it was often lust that pushed two people closer. But it’s easy to mistake lust for love: in the early days of an intimate relationship, when hormones proliferate, you feel like you’re in love with everything about this person, whether it’s merit or flaw – but in fact, you see the way you want him to be, or you take the person you want him to be. Everything you think of him seems to have crossed the light.
Love may well start with desire, but please note that in many cases, sexual attraction does not translate into love. And this is often doomed in the first place. That’s why we often say that finding the right person is such a difficult thing.
Generally speaking, there are some typical signal differences between wanting to “make love” and wanting to love. Here are some signs of relationships based on sexual attraction (lust):
l The other person makes you feel that he is attracted to your appearance and figure. He seems to be treating you like everything, like one side of you, not like you as a full-faced person.
l He is interested in sex but has no desire to communicate with you.
l He may behave in front of you and want to make a good impression on you, but he may want to leave as soon as he reaches his goal.
l He prefers to maintain intimacy on a level of mutual fantasy, rather than talking about the real feelings of both parties.
l More want, not pay.
l In hindsight, he always wants to get up and leave immediately, rather than a hug for a second, or get some sleep and have breakfast together the next day.
l You are lovers, but you cannot be friends.
If the other person shows the above points in front of you, then it is basically certain that you are more suitable to do friends with benefits. He just wanted to sleep with you and never wanted to be intimate.
A relationship that can be called love usually has the following signs:
l You can’t say exactly what you like about him, but you still love him.
l You spend a lot of time just staying together and not making love.
l You have endless words and often forget the passage of time.
l You can talk about everything about yourself, even if those experiences are disgraceful and, you know, the other person doesn’t mind. At the same time, you want to know everything about him.
l You are willing to listen sincerely to each other’s feelings and want to make them happy.
l You feel safe: at any time, you are willing to support each other.
l Whether something good or bad has happened in your work/life, or you have an opinion on something, you want to share it with him first.
l You know what his shortcomings are, but you still want to be with him.
l You are willing to ride out the difficulties with him.
l You are happy to consider your future.
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