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When I saw “Easy to Like,” my first reaction was to think of “Crush.” The source of the word Crush was the crowded social gathering or dance of the 19th century, defined by the urban dictionary as “a strong desire to be attractive and unique when with a person”. It’s easy to imagine how easily and quickly a person who’s caught up in a rush can fall in love with someone.

Crush’s feelings are complex, but conceptually it can be simply divided into four types:

Friendship/ Platonic Crush: You want to trust him unconditionally, you want to be the closest and most special good friend, but you don’t want to sleep with him, this special friendship has nothing to do with libido, so it’s called a platonic crush.

1.Admiration Crush: If you worship a talented celebrity, or admire a teacher, you’ll find his charm overwhelming, but when you’re in an equal relationship and you’re in awe of him, the crush may fade away.

2.The Passing Crush: It often happens when you already have your other half; you meet a new person in your life who sees you feel excited, attracted, and even ambiguous. 

3. Romantic Crush: Your desire to hold hands, hug and kiss him is an obsession with being lovers and accompanying sexual fantasies. Crush as an “easy to like”, and “like” is not the same, mainly reflected in two points: on the one hand, Crush than the real like much faster. Sometimes, we don’t know much about crushes subjects, and we’re right to say that we’ve fallen in love. Another notable difference is that Rush comes from fantasy. We often feel that Crush’s object is perfect, even without the need for real connections and interactions, so that you can trust him unconditionally, keep an eye on him, think about him involuntarily, fantasize about the various scenes with him, and spend a lifetime with each other in your mind. So a lot of times, we don’t really know the person we’re crushed with, we’re just anxious to find some of the attributes that connect with us. We project our own values, the view of love, desire can be pinned on the carrier of reality. Fantasy how romantic, Crush has how easy, like a person, there is easier.

Why are some people more likely to get caught up in a crush? This may be related to the development of individuals during adolescence. Surveys show that the first crush often occurs in early teens. Teenagers are at the stage of sexual understanding, and the crush experience allows them to explore their intimacy and sexual impulses in a safe way. However, if a person suffers setbacks in trying to build the intimacy during adolescence, such as being rejected by a good person, being coaxed into gossip by classmates, or even being hit more severely, he is more likely to experience crush when he enters adulthood than those around him. As an adult, Rush is like a kind of “fixation”. As a result of the blow during adolescence, the level of sexual psychological development of individuals may be stagnant. Even if he had grown up physically, he would continue to take the form of adolescence to satisfy intimacy and libido, trying to heal the wounds of the past, or make up for his past regrets. In a sense, those who are particularly vulnerable to crush may be running away from true intimacy. The psychological need behind Crush is fear of failure, fear of facing the ups and downs of an existing relationship, fear of the relationship being built and broken, and more likely to resist the harsh reality of the end of fantasy. We wishful thinking to interpret each other, romanticizing each other can not be more ordinary behaviour, mistakenly think that the relationship is advancing, in fact, it is not. What if you handle crush better? Although the subject was not troubled by Rush’s feelings, he wanted to go on and have a chat with everyone:

1. Troubled by Rush, how to control this feeling? If you’re in a lot of pain when you’re troubled by Crush, here are a few suggestions:

Consciously tell yourself that a crush is just a fantasy. The other person is not really involved in your life, and you can restrain your behaviour;

Look for alternative activities to divert attention. For example, to do sports, promote the body to release dopamine to make themselves happy;

Focus on life in front of you. Ask yourself, what is the focus of your life right now? What’s the goal? Focus on the present moment, perhaps unknowingly, the feeling of crush will fade. One thing to keep in mind is that simply generating a crush on a psychological level doesn’t necessarily cause damage. Especially in the case of a partner but someone else, crush doesn’t mean mental insecurity. Studies have shown that for women who already have stable relationships but are attracted to others, crush does not negatively affect their original relationship, but rather increases their desire for their partner. Therefore, our choice to control crush does not mean that crush itself is bad, let alone that you have made any mistakes. On the contrary, restraint at the behaviour level is the embodiment of reason. You can guide yourself to the status quo until the mood fades over time.

2. How do I take a step forward if I want to develop a crush? Crush doesn’t naturally develop into an intimate relationship. It has been noted that most young people say that their crush subjects are met by chance and that they only develop into friends, and few develop closer relationships. If we don’t want to stay in the crushing state and decide to act and advance the relationship, the first thing we need to do is stop the unrealistic fantasies and let the inner play in the air land. You need to understand what your relationship is really like and how far you are from each other. Next, there are a few suggestions for building a relationship with the other person:

Always remember that the other side does not know your rush, do not know your past inner play;

Generously express your appreciation of him, and don’t expect him to read your ideas;

Start by being a friend, pay attention to listen to each other, understand each other’s real personality, preferences, and so on. Although crush’s essence is a fantasy, it is undeniable that the crushing process can give us an overwhelming, short-lived state of high spiritual pleasure, which research has shown not only reduces our loneliness but also makes us feel real. Crush reminds us that our feelings can be so distinct, sincere and strong that our lives are not a barren and decaying wasteland, but a rolling mountain range of dense forests and waterfalls. As Liu Yu put it: “When Crush comes, indulge it, but you don’t have to try to grab it and force its head into the grain and grass of love.” You’re obsessed with this fantasy, but you’re stuck in it. You look at the match in your hand, it’s so short, it slowly burns to your fingertips, and then it goes out. When extinguished, you are grateful for the short but bright flame in the endless darkness. ”

Reference materials:

How to Recognize That You Have a Crush on Someone. (2019, September 3). Hurlock, E., & Klein, E. (1934). Adolescent crushes. Child Development, 5, 63–80. Kearns, S., & Creaven, A. (2016). Individual differences in positive and negative emotion regulation: Which strategies explain variability in loneliness?. Personality And Mental Health, 11(1), 64-74. doi: 10.1002/pmh.1363Lewandowski, G. (2011). The science of relationships. Dubuque, IA: Kendall Hunt Publishing Co.Mullinax, M., Barnhart, K. J., Mark, K., & Herbenick, D. (2015). Women’s Experiences With Feelings and Attractions for Someone Outside their Primary Relationship. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 42(5), 431–447. Oettingen, G., & Mayer, D. (2002). The motivating function of thinking about the future: Expectations versus fantasies. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 83, 1198–1212.Sarah G. (2018, December 4). Why Having a Crush Is Good for You.

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