Often girls write to me complaining that their boyfriend or husband is not good enough for them.
For example, you want oranges, the result of the other side has been giving you apples, you are very angry, the other side is also very helpless.
So what we’re going to say today is about the way love is expressed and accepted.
There is a concept in psychology that people’s expression and need for love can be simply classified into five categories, that is, “the five languages of love”.
The five languages of love were proposed by North American marriage counsellor Dr. Gary Chapman, who found over the years that the language of love that everyone needs can probably be summed up in the following five:
1. Affirmation words.
2. Elaborate moments.
3. Accept gifts.
4. Action of the service.
First of all, words of affirmation.
There is no doubt that people expect to be recognized and appreciated, especially from the support and encouragement of their spouses, which is even more valuable. If there are some low and frustrating moments in life, the other side does not have timely understanding and awareness, which will make the low mind feel snubbed. Some people are angry, some people are depressed, and then feel that the other side does not care about themselves, do not love themselves.
Case: Tom in the company was criticized by the leadership, came home to talk to his wife, not only did not stand in Tom’s position to speak for him, encourage him but criticized his work is always careless, has always been sloppy to lead to such a situation. Tom listened to the heartbreak, would like his wife to understand his feelings, comfort him, who knows the reverse more aroused his frustration, he really can’t stand this stimulation, jump up and quarrel with his wife. Because for Tom, the language of his love is, the words of affirmation.
In fact, in the face of a husband like Tom, if Tom’s wife can stand in his position and think about it first, say things like: “I know you’re also guilty of your own mistakes, but things have happened, don’t think about the bad things.” I know you’ve been subjected to a lot of blame today, and it must be sad now, but I’m sure you’ll avoid making the same mistake in the future with your ability and introspection.
I also believe that your boss will see your true ability and progress. My husband is great. “Then for her husband to serve a cup of tea, pinch shoulder, or two people hand in hand out for a walk and chat, the day’s troubles may be resolved in a tenderness.”
Affirmative words are so magical. For some people, in his life has been expected to get the affirmation and recognition of parents, social affirmation and recognition, colleagues and friends boss recognition and recognition, including the recognition of spouses.
This recognition may give them confidence, a feeling of need, and love. So always praise and encourage people who have this kind of love language, do not casually pour cold water, the other side for you when doing things to express your gratitude, affirm the other side’s ability.
The second language of love is the moment of care.
The so-called elaborate moment, in fact, is the time spent together, is the total attention. Many wives complain: “I now talk to my husband, he often can not hear, I have to say several times before.” And we eat together, he always has a newspaper or mobile phone in his hand, keep turning around, I talk to him he also loves to answer. “In fact, this kind of complaint is to ask to spend time together, the other side can do wholeheartedly.
Two people put down their hands, find a weekend to go to the suburbs, go to the favourite restaurant to eat, watch a movie together. These are all well-prepared moments for each other. This whole-hearted moment with each other can make people feel a strong love, or the husband can read the mobile phone newspaper at the same time, can share with his wife what anecdotes, or discuss the new things that happened today. In short, the time spent together, those elaborate moments, can close the distance between the heart and the heart.
The third language of love, accept gifts.
This is what girls used to complain to me about, a lot of boys don’t know how to give gifts on their own initiative. In fact, not such a girl superficial, have to want something, is not such a girl sentimental, have to give each other gifts to themselves. But in the heart of such a girl, send something to her boy, the heart really has her existence.
Not necessarily how expensive a gift, or even sometimes do not need to spend money to buy back, on special days, send a handwritten love letter, a card, a rose, a handmade bracelet. In such hearts, gifts represent the language of love.
The fourth language of love, the action of service.
The most action of service is actually reflected in doing housework. Some girls meet their favourite boys and invite them to come home and make them a big meal.
Some girls firmly believe that “grab a man’s heart to catch a man’s stomach”, every day to her husband with “love when” to work, in this kind of person’s heart, the language of love is the action of service. Laundry for each other, cooking for each other, taking care of each other’s families, tidying up wardrobes, and ready breakfast is all the languages they love.
The fifth language of love, physical contact.
Physical contact includes holding hands, hugging, kissing, touching, and so on. It’s not necessarily SEX, maybe it’s a warm hug, a loving kiss, and holding each other’s hands when crossing the street. The language of love conveyed by this physical contact is wonderful and invisible.
Especially in front of the crowd put your hand on your spouse’s shoulder, so that the other person can feel that you are saying to everyone that you love her. Also share a trick with the boys, when you quarrel with your girlfriend, if you want to ask for and, in fact, face do not know how to open, in fact, do a silent action on it. That’s physical contact.
Can hold her, can pull her hand, in general, if the other side shakes off, you persevere to do a few more times, if you do not have difficult to resolve the contradiction between you, girls in your move will generally be a large part of the anger.
If I could kiss her in the past, it would be almost done. Because girls in the tantrum, no matter how hard to say, the central thought of the expression of emotion is: you do not care about me, you do not love me. And your such a move basically has been silent to break this idea.
The language of love is different for everyone, some people’s love words are careful moments, some people’s words of love are receiving gifts, some people are positive words. Find out what the language you and the other person love is, to better understand each other, better get along.
Finally, how to find the language of love?
Notice what the other person is doing and what hurts you the most. What did the other person fail to do that disappointed you the most? What do you and your spouse often ask each other for? What do you do whenever you want to express your love? Observe yourself, observe each other, and explore together to find out what is the language of your respective love.
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