I have always believed that there is no pure friendship between the sexes, the predecessor offered to break up with you as a friend of the devil, do you believe it yourself?
After the break-up still keep in touch with you, there is absolutely have problem, put a former warm stay in the address book, there must be his purpose.
The content of the contact aside, it is not uncommon to keep in touch after a break-up, mostly as a friend in the chat with you. The final knot polarization is obvious, either can’t talk anymore, or it’s back together.
Intimacy has always been only forward-looking, there is no step back can be maintained, unless you still have business dealings, what contact? Isn’t ann an embarrassment to ask every day
The problem is that most people think it’s a problem for their predecessors to keep in touch with themselves.
Based on experience, the former offered to stay in touch after the break-up, basically the following possibilities
Fake break-up girls should be very good at, mention a break-up let each other to recover, generally after the quarrel to talk about the break-up, in fact, is to let the other side negotiate, such as “if you do not come today, we break up!”, essentially a tough coercion of the other side to meet their own needs.
Women’s false break-up is better to distinguish, the usual time like fake break-up, but fake break-up is not a woman’s patent man will be fake break-up, but not so good to distinguish.
Your ex offered to stay in touch with you after the breakup, probably just a fake breakup you didn’t realize. To keep in touch with you is to give you a chance to save him. For example, your ex was unhappy that you communicated too much with the other opposite sex, so you offered to break up, just to keep you away from the other sex in order to keep him.
Second.Still love you
People will not do things without return, after the break-up contact, may be to you after the rest of the love. In this case he is not a false break-up, he is really decided to break up with you, generally because you have an irreconciable contradiction, but the contradiction has nothing to do with the inner emotion, emotionally he can not control his own after-conditions, his current state is what we often say the pain cut love.
This generally contains several psychological states:
1 .For a while difficult to get out of the break-up pain.
Once two people are very sweet, in a blink of an eye apart, this can not stand. Break up when the contradiction accumulated to a certain extent, to each other to bring too much harm, now he sank in a lot of contradictions, full of “he really does not love me enough, so will give me so much harm”, a time difficult to get out, but also hope that through continuity with you, to reduce their pain, in fact, is to let you help him out of this period of love.
2. Waste test to see if you still have a reaction
Break up the contradiction exists under the premise that the other side at this time to keep in touch with you, in fact, can be regarded as a waste test, he knows that he can not solve this contradiction, want to see if you can solve, want to see if you still have the will to continue this relationship. Although you have been rejected, but the heart is inevitably curious, you can pay for this relationship to what extent.
The predecessor at this time is actually hesitating, to put it across, can you compound mainly depends on your performance, if you show a positive attitude, extend an olive branch, he may follow in your footsteps, but if you respond flat, still as a friend to continue to communicate with each other, then you have a good chance will become a real friend, the relationship between the progress and retreat, all between your thoughts.
3.I don’t believe you can change, I’m afraid recommit the same error.
The collapse of trust is generally the direct cause of such break-ups. At the beginning of the run-in when quarrelling, everyone and good after all believe that the other side can be changed, but more times, more to break up, each other is difficult to believe that the other side can also change, will only feel that “he is that kind of person, he is not suitable for me.”
At this point, even if the other side still have deep feelings, but also have to mention the break-up. Because he’s decided you’re the wrong person, and you can’t change someone who’s right for him.
When being a lover all day quarrelling, now step back to become a friend, but found a harmonious balance point. He is now a steady state of mind, because you are in very good shape, you can meet some of his basic emotional needs, without the identity of a lover, you can not put pressure on him, so he enjoys the present state.
He’s afraid of repeating it, and you’re back to fighting every day. This fear is actually an anxiety about feelings, in the heart he actually agrees that you are in love with each other, but because love is very hard, there is always emotional friction, so he is greedy to stop in this state.
Three, Keep you as a back-up, to leave a way back for feelings
There is a kind of predecessor is always if you leave, whenever you think he wants to compound with you, he cold you, let you feel that you think more. But when you automatically keep your distance, he will contact you and continue to give you sweethearts.
This kind of person constantly push and pull relationship, never give a clear answer, or in the name of a friend lurking in your side, lonely time to find you, or even unknown physical relationship, in fact, is in Keep you as a back-up.
People are good for their own side, can not find a better can be not so good. It’s relentless, but that’s the reality that you’re not that good for him. Obviously you can meet some of his needs, but you can’t meet all his emotional needs.
His ideal state is to find a perfect lover in his heart, but the ideal is difficult to achieve how to do, leave yourself a back-up.
I would like to ask you three questions about how to think about the fact that your ex still keeps in touch with yourself,
1. Do you still have feelings for your predecessor?
2. Would you say yes if your predecessor offered to compound it with you?
3.If you get back together, do you think you will be the same as before?
These questions are to let yourself face your own heart, in fact, the issues related to the predecessor basically include “Is it possible to be with your predecessor” this matter, if you ask me how to look at, I can only tell you, if you keep in touch like this, will affect your next feelings. It’s impossible for the incumbent not to mind the connection of the predecessor.
So now there are three paths in front of you:
First, pull black delete no longer contact.
Second, positive compound, this road you have to solve a lot of problems
Thirdly, to maintain contact, the road is basically procrastinating
So, want to break up on the clean, want to compound on the quick action, no matter what the other party contact with you for any purpose, you only want to do according to their own want to do on the line.