Which stage of the relationship is the most red-faced heartbeat?
The Stanford Daily news said in the Where ambiguity fits into a relationship:
“When you relax a little bit in uncertainty, you’ll find that the ambiguous state is like an airport ferry, you don’t know where it’s going to take you, but you know it’s going to carry you.”
Ambiguous, romantic relationship in a state of uncertainty.
I do not know if you have ever had such a person in your life, a little more intimate than ordinary friends, as if from love is a few millimeters, can be partial relationship is fixed here.
In the uncertain stage of the relationship, mixed with a large number of mutual exploration, in the process of information transmission and reception, flowing a high emotional concentration.
What is our relationship at this stage? Further or keep your distance? This sense of uncertainty makes it unbearable for many people to have a romantic relationship that exists or does not exist. But people who are less tolerant of uncertainty may be in a state of ambiguity for longer.
The first one
In this relationship, I feel very sad.
Xiao Bo these two days the soul is not kept. A question to know, she was recently chatted about half a year of ambiguous object abandoned.
The two men knew each other for 2 years, and their relationship suddenly became close six months ago, perhaps because he went to the secret room with him to escape, panicked and grabbed the corner of his clothes. And he, holding his hand in the corner of his clothes in his hand, pinched hard, afraid of Xiaobo afraid.
There are people waiting outside the secret room, so when she saw a little light, the boy let go of her hand, that moment, Xiaobai even a little sad. It was only these losses that were soon interrupted by the boy’s re-contact. The other side offered to ask her to go to the weekend art exhibition, from then on the two people walked more and more closely.
XiaoBai just graduated, has been living a two-point first-line life, not to say how interesting it is, but also full. Suddenly interact with the opposite sex and refresh every day.
But she would occasionally complain to us, “He’d call me baby, he’d say he liked me, but he just didn’t say he wanted to be with me..”
As Xiaobai said, he has not said to be Xiaobai’s boyfriend, and she also like to discuss that never ask, until one day Xiaobai finally can’t stand the child, plucked up the courage to ask him, “Do you want to be with me”, said also added a “Actually, I like you very early.”
Originally thought that feelings are natural, did not expect the boy refused, said, “Do you like to be together?” Isn’t it good to be a friend? ”
Little Bo was there and didn’t say much. They had dinner together, watched movies, chatted all night, and chatted, but now it’s nothing. Ridiculously, after the confession, the boy would still call her, send a message, or say, “I bought bread and waited for you downstairs.”
Ambiguity is the most hurting, is in your heart, you think is the beginning of feelings, but found that your feelings, the highest is so, only ambiguous, no love.
Erin R. Whitchurch, Timothy D. Wilson of the University of Virginia and Daniel T. Gilbert of Harvard University did a study on attractiveness.
They asked some female college students to look at the profiles of the boys who had visited their Facebook pages and randomly told them how each of the boys was towards them:
a. like you very much
b. Feel the same way about you
c. Some are not sure, maybe like it, maybe just a little bit.
Then let the girls evaluate the boys’ attractiveness to her.
So, what kind of boys are more attractive to these girls? A handsome face? Talented brain? No, what’s that?
The results of the study surprised everyone — the most attractive thing for girls was the boys’ attitude towards themselves.
Curiously, boys who “have a less certain attitude” towards girls are more popular than those who “very much like” themselves.
People always seem to be more obsessed with the elusive, and both sides of the ambiguous are the initiators of this uncertainty, and neither of them has its own reasons for not wanting to break it or enjoying it.
So, what makes people choose to withstand this sense of uncertainty?
Retain the pleasure of mastering the right to choose
According to rusbult et al.’s model of commitment to intimacy, the fewer people who have a choice, the less commitment they make to a relationship. Similarly, many people are reluctant to be bound by a defined relationship because they want access to more possible options.
Thus, these people are reluctant to be honest about the choices they have identified, possibly out of fear that such “certainty” will lead to the loss of some of their options. Those who make a clear commitment lose their other possible options, while those who explicitly reject lose their immediate choice.
Avoid the pain of the OK state
Others believe that being in an uncertain relationship can escape the pain that another definite state can cause. After all, ambiguity means that two people did not really start a relationship, without the so-called beginning, there will be no painful end in the future.
They may also be afraid of rejection, thinking that their commitment is tantamount to giving the initiative to the other person, and they are more likely to interpret some of the other person’s actions as rejection; For some, a defined commitment relationship means more investment on both sides, and they may not be ready for it.
Like the imagination space contained in this uncertainty
When we know very little about each other, we assume that some of the other person’s characteristics fill in the gaps. And what we envision is often an imagination that is good for intimacy. In other words, the right distance between two people will make us feel good about ta.
At the same time, this uncertainty provides an opportunity for those who are keen to analyze the movements of others. Some people are fascinated by exploring emotional lines from each other’s behavior, and ambiguity just meets their silky pleasures.
As a result, some people are fascinated by such “ambiguousness” and do not want to actually enter into a definite intimacy.
It can be said that “ambiguous” to meet all the needs of love: passion, impulse, gentleness, response, expectation, sense of ceremony.
It has nothing to do with responsibility, no threshold for reality, only love or desire. Yes, then we are close to each other, do not like, that keep the distance. From a certain point of view, ambiguity may be closer to the original appearance of love than to love. But on the other hand, ambiguity is only a protective transition layer, for like not sure enough, but do not want to destroy this rich atmosphere, then began a love “false.”
Perhaps we won’t stay in this uncertain relationship for long. But the development of two people, from friends to love, the middle process, as if often to go through such an “ambiguous” stage. It’s just that the length and concentration are different, and some people flash through the process, and some people go on longer.
Therefore, to enjoy this ambiguity full of “uncertainty”, you need to be “sure”.
You are valuable, then you are valuable, and will not change because today the other person likes you more, or tomorrow you like the other person more. Only in this way can you really see that this relationship, and the person in front of you,Is it suitable？